My Overthinking

Philly Area mom, Life forever changed by adoption

About a boy {a glimpse into the experience of advocating}

I introduced him as Bo right before Christmas. People shared the post as they do. But, most families were spending their time wrapping gifts and baking cookies. But, just when the holidays were over, we got an update on him. I still remember opening those pictures for the first time and seeing his beautiful big eyes and silky looking skin. When I posted about him again in January, I was sure his family would find him. I was all ready for emails to start coming in. I got a lot of emails, but not many had anything to do with this boy.

I did all I knew to do. I contacted the United States’ leading specialist in his joint condition to have him review his file. I contacted families with children with the same diagnosis, asking them to tell me more about what day-to-day life is like parenting a child with this need, asking if they’d be willing to talk to families considering adopting him. I posted the links everywhere I could. Friends joined me and posted about him on their blogs.

And, I waited; he waited.

Days. Weeks. Months. I kept his picture on my sidebar; but, to be honest, I had sort of lost hope. I second guessed my initial excitement, all my efforts. No one wanted him. His crib sheet in his update picture had the words “Happy 2008,” just another reminder of stale expectations.I felt defeated and wondered how long I should keep his picture up. His beautiful eyes gazing at me every time I posted on my blog reminded me of every child who waits and no one even knows they are waiting. I didn’t want that reminder anymore.

About 4 months later, an email showed up in my inbox with the subject line “About a boy…”

…God has been hard at work in my heart for special needs adoption! I tumbled across your blog from some links from other blogs…and I saw dear Bo….If Bo is still waiting, would you send me information about him? I will pray first, “Lord, us??” and if it is a no, I will pray “Lord, find his loving family!”
Blessings!
Amy

I forwarded her everything I had–all the pictures, the update, the review from the specialist. And, honestly, I didn’t think all that much about it after I hit send. I’d done this before. No one wanted him.

But, this time, a flurry of emails ensued.

PRAYING!!!! He seems so perfect! NO ONE WANTS HIM!?!?!??!?!

She asked me to pray with her; she was going to talk to her husband about him in a few days. Another email came; she decided not to wait; she’d talk to him that night.

A few days later, nearly 5 months after I first advocated for Bo, I got this —

Oh dear Kelly!!!
I am shaking with excitement!!! God has spoken to us and we are going to MOVE FORWARD ON BO!!!!!!!!!!!!

And, my Bo became their Toby.

In seeking the best for their son, they decided to see that leading specialist who happens to have his practice only miles from where we live which meant I got a very special gift.

Advocating works

Over lo mein in Chinatown, Amy asked what it was like to be with him, to sit right there across the table from Bo. 

I struggled over the words as I still struggle now. I had wanted to take his picture down; I’m so glad I didn’t. The same eyes that I had wanted to shield on the screen in front of me now were directly in front of me with a message entirely different—hope restored even when things seem desperate and irreconcilable, anticipation of good things to come when there doesn’t seem to be any good at all, the blessing of stepping out to do something maybe just a little bit crazy like make a child you don’t know who has a special need hardly anyone has even heard of who lives in a foreign land your own child.

Adoption.

Toby Collage

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What I’m doing {Visiting Orphans}

There are times when God’s hand is moving in such a tangible way that you know that turning another direction from the one you’re witnessing unfold in front of you would be disobedient.

That’s where I am, where we are.

We love China. For several months, we’ve been building our support team so we can serve students in China formally. And, God has been providing and equipping and moving. We love adoption and adoptive families and have walked steps directed by Him to grow The Sparrow Fund so that we can pour into them and mobilize them to understand what more about what it means love their kids well.

And, things are falling together in front of us, in spite of us really.

The Sparrow Fund is now partnering with Visiting Orphans to do something special that we’ve only dreamed about doing—taking a team of people this March into a Chinese orphanage to serve the children who wait and the staff who care for them.

It’s not about us. It’s not about a feel-good trip so that we can check off our proverbial James 1:27 box in our conscience. It’s about mobilizing people to change the world through going, being, loving. I know that I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples. And, you can too. Let me know if you want to be a part of this.

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The Counted

I’m so humbled to have been invited to join the ranks of some amazing mamas and amazing writers over at No Hands But Ours. My first post there went live yesterday, and I’m reposting it here today.

__________________________

I’m a reader more than I am a writer. The stories from China I likely will never see–they draw me in, show me things in a new way. Some make me wonder; some make me laugh. And, sometimes, my casual blog reading while I sip on my morning coffee makes me pause and somehow changes the way I see things. Sometimes, they change me.

He’s a Western doctor in a very Eastern hospital. On one particular day, he witnessed something that didn’t seem all that unusual at first. About once a week, a group of people will come in, angry and looking for someone to blame. There’s yelling, a big scene, police come; 30 minutes later, it’s business as usual. A ½ hour malpractice suit, and then it’s over.

But, on this day, it didn’t end so simply. The protestors numbered 60 people, and the yelling turned to physical fighting. Their passion and grievance turned to blood—all over a baby.

Their baby had been born that day, a baby who no doubt held many dreams. And, he was born without an arm. They shed tears, raised their fists, and demanded compensation, yelling, “How can our baby live without an arm?” Unlike every other riot like this, they were actually protesting a life, not a death. 

This baby would be nearly 2 years old now. I wonder where he is and what his life is like. I wonder if he is hidden away by a family ashamed and afraid. I wonder if he is well cared for or served resentfully. Does he live still with the family who protested on his birthday or does he live with another? I wonder if he is a big brother now to a “more whole” child. He lives in a place where children like him labeled as “severely handicapped” don’t count. With a signature from one of those doctors, his family would have been granted permission to break the one-child policy. When a family has a child severely disabled, they are given a free pass to try again. And, that precious child, their first born, no longer counts. They are zero, do not exist. Even in perhaps the darkest time in U.S. history, African slaves counted as 3/5 of a person.

The way I see it, the birth families of children like this precious baby are faced with a decision I cannot fathom—very simply put, (a) keep their child and raise him or her in a place with no acceptance of a special need, where he or she will always be looked at as crippled and unable or (b) let their child go to maybe, just maybe, go on to count somewhere else.

I look around at my blogroll, at the families I now call friends 3 years into this adoption adventure. I look at the pictures of their sweet babies and silly children, read the stories of funny things they say and the trouble they get themselves into. They so much more than count.

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Angels

We’ve had a unique opportunity this fall, one I had been looking forward to since March 27th, the day we visited Living Hope International‘s Beijing Training Center (a place where orphans who cannot be adopted can live in family groups and be educated and trained in fine arts in order to become future leaders and caregivers to those who need them).

After many years and much effort, Living Hope International was able to secure permission for groups of orphans, Living Hope Angels, to come to the United States from their training centers to perform traditional Chinese dance. This fall, they brought over 13 of the kids who we met on March 27th at their training center.

I so wanted to do something for these kids, care for them in some way. Their schedule was tight–lots of bookings for performances and events. But, they did have a need we could meet. They needed toiletries. We asked our small church to fill this need–and, as we expected, they did…abundantly. We collected about $700 worth of shampoo, dental supplies, soaps, brushes, combs, hair accessories, school supplies, silly bandz, and even over $100 in McDonalds gift certificates… I even found a warm heart on etsy who after just a quick email to her volunteered to make 20 toiletry bags for each child and their caregivers. Amazing. They are beautiful. (Please go to her shop and check out the adorable bags she makes! If you buy something, thank her for supporting the Chinese orphans!)

Not only did we collect the supplies, the church kids in Sunday School helped sort it all and stuffed each bag with each child’s name and age attached to it. Then, we prayed for each of the children and their teachers and caregivers by name. We met the group as they arrived in PA and gave them each their bag. It was a neat moment, sweet to be able to give the kids something that was made just for them.

We had the joy of seeing them perform several times–at a missions banquet, at the Mid-Atlantic Orphan Summit, and at a gathering for Living Hope adoptive families. That one was particularly fun–Lydia was very interested in their dances and the music. And, it was a pleasure to reunite with some of the adoptive families I’ve come to know over the past several years (and let Lydia visit with some other little princesses–see the picture below of Lyds with Taylor and Ella). And, it was a joy to meet some of the adoptive families I’ve been friends with for years. (Mark says I need a new word for “friends” who I’ve never actually met…any ideas?). One of those friends was Melissa–what a dear friend she is. We started our adoption journeys together back in the Spring of 2007. She now has the most adorable little boy you’ve ever set eyes on (I’m not kidding), and they are paperchasing for a daughter. Can’t wait to celebrate that arrival!

Yesterday, we got to see the Angels again in a bit of a different context. We fed them dinner, they joined our youth group for games (even little bitty Sarah was pretty good at dodgeball!), they did just a few dance performances for us, then….we taught them to square dance….sorta. Okay, so trying to teach Chinese kids who don’t speak much English (as well as teenagers who speak A LOT of English) how to square dance is quite an experience! (I have no pictures as proof since I was too busy doing the Virginia Reel and Oh Johnny Oh). But, I tell you what, they smiled and they laughed and they enjoyed themselves without having to perform or impress or share their stories–all of which are tragic as you can imagine. Take a look here to read some of them.

They leave PA next week and leave the states to return to China the first week of December.

As we prepare for Thanksgiving, I have such a thankful heart when I consider that these kids were able to come to the United States, to be blessed by families who opened their homes and their hearts to them, and to, perhaps, understand eternity a bit more clearly. I am thankful that our family could serve them in a practical way. I am thankful that we could allow them to just have some fun last night, that they could mingle with American kids, and simply laugh–no expectations, no language barrier mattered–just laugh.

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