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My Overthinking

Philly Area mom, Life forever changed by adoption

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The perfect baby for me {our visit to the Garden State Discovery Museum}

8.14.13

Their favorite outing of the summer. What was going to be a short afternoon visit at the Garden State Discovery Museum became an event, an I-wish-I-had-brought-some-work-to-do-because-we-could-live-here-for-a-while type of event. I was a diner customer, a pet owner at the vet clinic, an audience at Lydia’s puppet show, a California Pizza Kitchen eater, a stage mom during a Peter Cottontail play, a consultant for an architect and her construction crew, a hockey fan, an action news viewer, a guest aboard a cruise ship…see what I mean?

Garden State Discovery Museum Collage 2

I fought the temptation to keep hitting refresh on the iPhone in my back pocket and got right on in there with them.

In between fishing off a cruise ship and ordering a chocolate milkshake at the diner, a 4-year-old doctor summoned me to the medical clinic. As I sat in the waiting area for my turn to be seen, another little girl decided she was going to join us. We never learned her name; she was just a cute little blondie of probably 6 or 7 who grabbed the chance to get into a story with us. She looked at Lydia as she rummaged around to find her medical supplies—lab coat, stethoscope, blankets, clipboard. She looked at me squished into the little waiting area chair. She paused for a moment and then said, “Wait. You need a baby. I’ll get you your baby.” Blondie started her own rummaging without Lydia even noticing her, digging down into bins where naked baby dolls with scuff marks on their heads clung to each other for protection against the masses of children running through this place daily. I watched as Blondie would look at one and then throw it aside, look at another and then throw it aside, surely adding more scuff marks with every toss. Not that one. Not that one. When there were babies strewn all over the clinic floor, she finally found one that satisfied her. The hands that were just tossing dolls aside now very gently wrapped my baby up in a blanket, tucking her in to ensure she wasn’t chilled. Then she handed me my baby while Lydia stood by ready to give her a full examination.

asian baby doll

A little Asian baby from the bottom of the bin.

Perfect for the white mama playing in a children’s museum with a Chinese daughter with the sweetest dimples.

And, just in case you want to know, the 4-year-old physician pronounced her completely healthy as Blondie watched on with a smile then handed me my bill.

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Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: adoption, Living as a multiracial family, Lydia

We had a conversation today

8.8.13

I’ve overthought adoption disruption (and shared it here). While I stand by my words and the thoughts and theology behind them, tonight, I’m rereading them…maybe a couple times over. And, I need to be reminded of God’s sovereignty as I read. Because disruption sucks. And, every sentence I find myself typing and then deleting after that one sentence seems futile. That’s pretty much the gist of it. It sucks.

We had already planned to hit a local diner for french toast breakfast specials before going to the $1 family movie today. I sipped on my strong coffee, sandwiched on a red pleather seat between my boys, watching my girls color together as we waited for our specials to arrive. When you add coffee and a captive audience together with a mama’s burdened heart over news too hard to fully reconcile, you better ready yourself for a conversation.

I told them about the disruption. They knew too much to not be told. Lydia kept coloring but nodded in agreement when her sister responded about how it was sad. With childhood naiveté, Evan suggested that maybe the child should’ve behaved better.

That’s when this burdened mama’s heart became something else entirely. There was something my child had to hear.

You need to know something. Your obedience to us, your behavior, has no effect on how much we love you. You got that? We love you no matter what. Good behavior doesn’t make us “love you more.” We get the fact that obedience doesn’t come naturally to you; it doesn’t come naturally to anyone. We have to learn to obey as we love God and He works in us. And, our job as parents is to help you learn to obey. That’s what we’re about.

Our family? We’re called to do 3 things—LOVE GOD, LOVE EACH OTHER, and LOVE THOSE HE PUTS BEFORE US. If God puts someone before us; we’re going to love them. That’s our job. We aren’t looking to adopt again. But, if that job means He wants us to adopt again, we will do that. If that simply means we love the people we see everyday, we will do that. And, we’re going to love no matter what people are like and how they behave, because that’s what God wants us to do as a family. We have to be the ones to help them learn how to obey and do the right thing, not in a mean, bossy way but in a way that shows them how their lives can change. We as a family have the power to do that, and that’s what we’re about. Okay?

All the while, cheap waxy crayons colored ocean scenes until they snapped in half as they always do, and bottoms bounced on springy pleather seats. Moments later, we ate french toast dipped in ungodly amounts of syrup, finished my coffee, and drove off to the movie theater to see a movie we had barely previewed which happened to be about loving those different from you for who they are on the inside.

My heart’s still heavy as I revel in the quiet of my house tonight. Broken hearts, broken dreams, broken lives abound. And, it sucks. The reminder of that can slap you in the face and sting for a good while. He’s sovereign; somehow, He’s sovereign. I have to cling to that instead of all the “ifs” I could keep playing over in my head. Until He comes again or we meet Him face to face, we will love him, love each other, and love those He puts before us—in their brokenness, right where they are.

Water fight collage with words

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Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: adoption, parenthood

About a boy {a glimpse into the experience of advocating}

7.26.13

I introduced him as Bo right before Christmas. People shared the post as they do. But, most families were spending their time wrapping gifts and baking cookies. But, just when the holidays were over, we got an update on him. I still remember opening those pictures for the first time and seeing his beautiful big eyes and silky looking skin. When I posted about him again in January, I was sure his family would find him. I was all ready for emails to start coming in. I got a lot of emails, but not many had anything to do with this boy.

I did all I knew to do. I contacted the United States’ leading specialist in his joint condition to have him review his file. I contacted families with children with the same diagnosis, asking them to tell me more about what day-to-day life is like parenting a child with this need, asking if they’d be willing to talk to families considering adopting him. I posted the links everywhere I could. Friends joined me and posted about him on their blogs.

And, I waited; he waited.

Days. Weeks. Months. I kept his picture on my sidebar; but, to be honest, I had sort of lost hope. I second guessed my initial excitement, all my efforts. No one wanted him. His crib sheet in his update picture had the words “Happy 2008,” just another reminder of stale expectations.I felt defeated and wondered how long I should keep his picture up. His beautiful eyes gazing at me every time I posted on my blog reminded me of every child who waits and no one even knows they are waiting. I didn’t want that reminder anymore.

About 4 months later, an email showed up in my inbox with the subject line “About a boy…”

…God has been hard at work in my heart for special needs adoption! I tumbled across your blog from some links from other blogs…and I saw dear Bo….If Bo is still waiting, would you send me information about him? I will pray first, “Lord, us??” and if it is a no, I will pray “Lord, find his loving family!”
Blessings!
Amy

I forwarded her everything I had–all the pictures, the update, the review from the specialist. And, honestly, I didn’t think all that much about it after I hit send. I’d done this before. No one wanted him.

But, this time, a flurry of emails ensued.

PRAYING!!!! He seems so perfect! NO ONE WANTS HIM!?!?!??!?!

She asked me to pray with her; she was going to talk to her husband about him in a few days. Another email came; she decided not to wait; she’d talk to him that night.

A few days later, nearly 5 months after I first advocated for Bo, I got this —

Oh dear Kelly!!!
I am shaking with excitement!!! God has spoken to us and we are going to MOVE FORWARD ON BO!!!!!!!!!!!!

And, my Bo became their Toby.

In seeking the best for their son, they decided to see that leading specialist who happens to have his practice only miles from where we live which meant I got a very special gift.

Advocating works

Over lo mein in Chinatown, Amy asked what it was like to be with him, to sit right there across the table from Bo. 

I struggled over the words as I still struggle now. I had wanted to take his picture down; I’m so glad I didn’t. The same eyes that I had wanted to shield on the screen in front of me now were directly in front of me with a message entirely different—hope restored even when things seem desperate and irreconcilable, anticipation of good things to come when there doesn’t seem to be any good at all, the blessing of stepping out to do something maybe just a little bit crazy like make a child you don’t know who has a special need hardly anyone has even heard of who lives in a foreign land your own child.

Adoption.

Toby Collage

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Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: adoption, Advocating, Orphans

What I’m doing {Visiting Orphans}

7.24.13

There are times when God’s hand is moving in such a tangible way that you know that turning another direction from the one you’re witnessing unfold in front of you would be disobedient.

That’s where I am, where we are.

We love China. For several months, we’ve been building our support team so we can serve students in China formally. And, God has been providing and equipping and moving. We love adoption and adoptive families and have walked steps directed by Him to grow The Sparrow Fund so that we can pour into them and mobilize them to understand what more about what it means love their kids well.

And, things are falling together in front of us, in spite of us really.

The Sparrow Fund is now partnering with Visiting Orphans to do something special that we’ve only dreamed about doing—taking a team of people this March into a Chinese orphanage to serve the children who wait and the staff who care for them.

It’s not about us. It’s not about a feel-good trip so that we can check off our proverbial James 1:27 box in our conscience. It’s about mobilizing people to change the world through going, being, loving. I know that I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples. And, you can too. Let me know if you want to be a part of this.

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Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: adoption, China, Orphans, posts I can't really tag, The Sparrow Fund

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