My Overthinking

Philly Area mom, Life forever changed by adoption

Archives for February 2014

Call to the home team

photo courtesy of KC Photography

There are a lot of countdowns going on here—Mark will be home when we wake, Together Called is only days away, and my trip to China along with 12 other kindred spirits pretty much immediately follows.

For months, we’ve been raising funds, filling out paperwork, considering schedules and preparing logistically. We’ve been coming together on conference calls so we can work better together as a team, creating t-shirts so we look like a team, and going through material to grow us as we are a part of a bigger team. Some of us have already started packing bags, making sure we squeeze everything in and stay under 40 lbs. which can be a wee bit of a challenge for overthinkers like me. Regardless of who much overthinking we’re doing about those bags, we’re nearly on our way. On February 27th, we’ll be able to put everyone’s faces with the voices we’ve come to recognize from those conferences calls and get on a China-bound flight together.

Though our team numbers only 13 as we serve at an orphanage in Shaanxi, we know our team is exponentially bigger than that. Each one of the home teams of those 13 members from across the country makes this Visit and Serve team huge! What a comfort it is to know that while we may be the hands there doing the work through His grace, the rest of the body is supporting us and enabling us to be there. It’s so not just the 13 of us.

It’s not too late to be a part of the team. You may not be on that plane with us as we nervously chatter and try to cat nap as we’re able, but we want you there. And, you can be. We’re rallying our home teams to lift us up throughout our travel day February 27th-28th in very specific ways. Can you commit 30 minutes on that day to sit with us and advocate for us from your living room as you sip on a cup of coffee? Can you maybe do a harder thing and set your alarm to wake up in the middle of the night to do the same as we are still flying across the world?

Feel that nudge to join us? Email me. I’ll reply with some info for you and maybe my own form of nervous email chatter. Heading back to my daughter’s home city, meeting her ayis, holding the babies who are there waiting can produce some nervous chatter in me.

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Caught via emoji love

When you give a 10-year-old girl your old phone, she discovers texting.

And, when she discovers texting, she discovers emoticons.

And, when she discovers emoticons, she has to use them…a lot.

And, when she uses them a lot, she stays up way too late texting pictures of lollipops, baby chicks hatching, and gold trophies.

And, when she stays up late texting silly pictures for no apparent reason, her mother texts her from her own bed to tell her to go to sleep.

Ashlyn's text thread

And, when her mother tells her to go to sleep and then posts the screenshot of said instruction on Instagram, the 10-year-old who had not yet gone to sleep sees it and comments on it and is caught.

Instagram comments

Apparently, she discovered Instagram as well as texting.

#ohthefunoftechnology

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Love {Examine your heart today}

You’d think that love was innate if you’ve walked through any store this month. Red and pink, hearts, and chocolate—they’re everywhere. It’s tradition and makes it look like everybody loves at least one somebody somewhere.

But, love isn’t about red cellophane wrapped boxes. It’s not even a warm feeling or that draw to someone. It’s not desire that makes your cheeks blush. And, it’s most definitely not innate to us even though catchy songs and greeting cards say it is. What’s innate to us is love for ourselves; we’re real good at that. In fact, I’m an expert at that. But, love for someone else? That’s something we have to choose and practice because it’s not our nature at all to do that well.

1 Corinthians 13—the love chapter—is there for a reason. It’s to teach us what love looks like because we need to know. If it were natural to us, if we were good at it, the whole list we recognize from cross-stitch samplers and wedding programs would likely be a lot different or not there at all. But, we need the how-to manual here as well as the reminder that we can do the impossible and truly love because He first loved us. After all, His life is the how-to manual. And, because of that love, His love for us, we are able to love even when it’s hard and we just don’t feel like it. And, let’s face it; on any given day, loving my husband and loving my children and my bigger family and my neighbor and sister in Christ and onward seems nearly impossible. Some days, I just plain wanna give up because I feel so inept at it. But, there is grace; thankfully, His grace abounds.

Today, I’m examining my own heart and taking a closer look at the manual, filling in the blanks in my own life. It’s not to give myself a love report card—”Well, I got a D in putting aside jealousy, but I got an A- in intentionally honoring…so…” It’s more of a tool to focus my will so that when I’m faced with the choice to love myself or love another as I am countless times every day, I may actually think and call out a prayer—”Because of your love, I got this.”—and choose to love the way He’s called us to love.

___________________________________________

Because of His love, I can put aside my agenda and be patient with __________.
Because of His love, I can make an effort and be kind to __________.
Because of His love, I can have joy for someone else and put aside jealousy of __________.
Because of His love, I do not need to build myself up and brag about __________.
Because of His love, I can put aside arrogance when it comes to __________.
Because of His love, I can intentionally honor __________.
Because of His love, I do not need to insist on my own way when it comes to __________.
Because of His love, I can choose contentment rather than resentment when it comes to __________.
Because of His love, I will give grace and overlook __________.
Because of His love, I will not keep a mental file cabinet, remembering the wrongs of __________.
Because of His love, I will not take pleasure when I see faults in __________.
Because of His love, I will rejoice when I see goodness and truth growing in __________.
Because of His love, I choose to keep on keeping on and endure hard things for __________.
Because of His love, I choose to believe the impossible for __________.
Because of His love, I choose to not look back when it isn’t helpful but look forward in hope for __________.

1 Corinthians 13

 

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An advocate

Qui Le 2It had been a rough few days. I had advocated for a little boy one time. A family stepped forward for him, traveled to China for him, and came home without him. Then, there I was, advocating for him again in a post on a Friday afternoon, after which I spent the following several days dealing with the repercussions of my words. Many were sympathetic (the oh-that-poor-boy crowd). Some wondered if my heartfelt post meant something else (the maybe-you’re-his-mom crowd). Many more simply wanted to know more (the tell-me-the-real-story crowd) mostly fueled simply by curiosity. But, there was one voice louder than the rest whose sharpness was draining my energy to advocate at all. By Tuesday morning, I was emotionally tired.

As I drove to the women’s Bible Study I was committed to leading that morning as a substitute for the regular leader, I prayed aloud with Lydia dancing in the backseat to Katy Perry’s “Firework” or some other deeply spiritual song, “God, you’ve gotta speak louder than the other voices I’m hearing and give me some very clear direction here because I really don’t know what my role is. Right now, I don’t even feel like I want to advocate any more for this kid or any other because I’m just tired of everything that goes with it. Lord, show me, please, what you want me to do.”

Zechariah’s visions. That’s what we were discussing that day, definitely not your typical Bible study. Think red horses, myrtle trees, horns, measuring lines. It’s deep (strange?) stuff, but the women, whom I didn’t know, were responsive, and we were moving right along with the lesson. I wasn’t expecting anything when we were directed to several different Scriptures and told to describe the benefits of God’s presence in the lives of His people.

We read John 14:26 – “But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.”

Some women shared what the verse meant to them, and we were about to move on. And, then, it happened; God spoke through a woman whose name I don’t even know.

I like what my version has for that verse: “But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”

Did she just say “advocate”? 

Here I was at a Bible Study no less, and I had essentially already forgotten the prayer I had prayed on my commute there. But, I remembered now, and He/she had my full attention.

I love that word advocate. It’s really such an emotionally laden word. I interpret it as meaning coming alongside, fighting for me, pleading my cause when I have no voice or no way to do it on my own. It’s active—He’s active so that I don’t have to be. It reminded me of Exodus 14:14 which says: “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” If He’s willing to advocate for me, it means I’m significant and I’m worth it even when everything else says I’m not.

And, STOP. Answered prayer in only….59 minutes and 45 seconds. There it was.

It’s tiring by definition. It’s hard; if it were all easy, there wouldn’t be a need for it. It’s messy and involved and time consuming and sometimes lands me in challenging conversations. I will sometimes want to do it and other times wanna forget all about it and put my head under a pillow and hide because I’m weak and selfish and easily blown and tossed by the wind. But, I was called to do it because that little boy on the other side of the world has no other voice, and he’s worth it simply because of who he is and who He is.

I leave for China two weeks from today, serving with the team until March 9th and then staying a few extra days. Guess who I just was granted permission to visit before I head back to the states?

Yes, Lord. My job is not done until he has a family.

 

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