I can’t wait any longer; he can’t wait any longer. {Advocating}

Qui Le 3

I can’t wait any longer.

On June 22, 2012, I posted his picture on Facebook. I fell for him hard. Paper ready and waiting since 2009 and I could not figure out why. He wasn’t abandoned at birth; he needed medical care that his family clearly couldn’t handle. He had a tumor on his kidney. The orphanage stepped up, got him the care he needed. Today, he is healthy except for one very big special need that none of us can overlook—he needs a family.

There was a family who had locked his file. In fact, he waited for them for a year and was prepared for them coming—as much as orphanage staff typically do with care packages and such. They went to China this summer; sadly, they did not come home with a son. They received him and had him with them at their hotel for over a week but ultimately decided they would escort him back to the orphanage and come home.

My heart was broken. There were no words I could offer to change anything about it. Believe me, I tried. I grieved hard. It hurt, and I have tried over the last several months to put his images aside, to forget those big dark eyes, to uncurl his fingers from around my heart and move on.

But, he hasn’t. So, I can’t.

This boy has experienced things a 7 year old boy should never experience. He’s fought for his life. He’s endured chemotherapy and all that comes with that by himself. Over the years, he’s likely learned that the only one he can trust is himself and that has impacted his response to the world. But, his heart can heal just as his body has healed. He is not without hope.

Amy Eldredge of Love Without Boundaries shared a story of an older orphan boy who had watched two of his friends leave to become sons and return to the orphanage later to become orphans once again. When asked what adoption was, he replied, “Adoption is when a family takes you home and then brings you back to the orphanage.”

I cannot wait any longer; he shouldn’t wait any longer. This boy is not currently available for adoption; once the family who was his for a year returned him, he hasn’t been made available to another. He needs a family to pursue him, go after him, commit to finding him and bringing him home no matter what. I’m told that if a family pursues, his paperwork will be found.

His name means Autumn Joy.

Qui Le 2 Qui Le

 

16 Responses to I can’t wait any longer; he can’t wait any longer. {Advocating}

  • Allison says:

    Every child needs a family!

  • Advocating for older parents – retired, active, healthy, with extra time, extra wisdom that can come with life experiences, extra love lying around in our hearts, and often times extra money we are considered too “old” to adopt. But, what about the older children who sit in orphanages waiting? Wouldn’t they be happy to join a family where there is plenty of time, love, and attention?

  • Jen Bush says:

    Haven’t stopped thinking about this since I read it. Do you have any idea what it would take to get him re-listed and any insight (obviously might not want to share publicly) about why his previous family returned him to the orphanage?

  • Mindy says:

    If someone is interested and ready, can they get more information about him? I wish I could. I would most certainly look into it if I wasn’t over China’s age limit and single. My question is more in general – when something like this happens, is the family who leaves him required to explain WHY? I mean, if there is a compelling reason, shouldn’t that knowledge be available? And if there is not, that should be known as well. And yes, families should be prepared. I wish, now that he is physically well, that he could go back to his first family. That they would want him, and he could go HOME.

    Such a sad story -

  • myra says:

    most children are returned for some type of extreme behavior. whatever it is it will be scary sounding…..you will need to be prepared “just incase”. Know about OT and attachment therapy…..he will be sososo worth it no matter what he needs. I HOPE he finds his family,!!

  • I love the name Autumn Joy (kinda had envisioned it for a girl … but isn’t that a funny twist to see it in a new way!) Praying that he and his file can be found. How heartbreaking that a family invested a year in him … and yet could not commit. And even more heartbreaking that it could have totally cost him a chance at ever having a family.
    Hopefully he is fully healed and whatever caused the family to step away would not be something that would hinder his true forever family. He truly is precious!
    I don’t like sad stories … please let us know if you hear any word on any ways we can help … or any happy endings :-)

  • Jasmin says:

    I was in China adopting my son when I witnessed this boy’s disruption. The family who was in the process to adopt him did their best. I urge anybody who considers adopting him to do their homework on attachment issues.

  • Constant says:

    Oh my goodness, this story breaks my heart! Yes, little Autumn Joy certainly deserves a forever family.

  • Jeanne says:

    Jasmin,

    Your comment is well taken. A couple of years ago I went to China with my daughter and her family to bring my youngest granddaughter home. This is our families 2nd international adoption. I’ve seen families wait years to bring their children home. No one who travels to pick up a child anticipates coming home alone. Whatever the story is concerning this little guy I think people need to be compassionate to both the little boy and the family who tried to adopt him. I hope we hear future news about him.

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  • maggie k says:

    I feel so sorry for this little boy and also for the family. We have two daughters adopted from China – the older one’s behaviour was so extreme when we in country that I did consider disrupting the placement but my husband was adamant on bringing her home. She had a very tough transition to us but 4 + years later is doing very well. And for our younger daughter we were warned to expect such extreme behaviour that 2 prior placements had been disrupted while in country. And with her transition to us we saw only normal grief and can only wonder what happened with the prior families and thank god that she was given another chance at a family. The orphanage director had told our agency that he would not allow her to go through the trauma of a third disruption but given our history with our older daughter we were considered seasoned parents (haha – like we had a clue what we were doing) who could handle the behaviour. So I hope that the family is able to move forwad with another placement and I hope that the child gets another chance at a family.

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  • Gwen says:

    Are there any updates on this little boy?
    How old is he?
    Did his real or forever family find him?

  • Please keep us updated on how this little boy and his family do. Thanks. Jeanne

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