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My Overthinking

Philly Area mom, Life forever changed by adoption

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Archives for December 2013

The post I want to read {Encore}

12.31.13

Originally posted in July, just seemed fitting to end 2013 with this one today. Bless you, moms like me out there, wherever you are.

________________

Having a little trouble sleeping tonight. It’s because I napped today. So, here I am in bed with my laptop in front of me as my husband is sound asleep beside me. Naps are worse than an afternoon coffee.

As I do the 2013 version of counting sheep (surfing blogs), I’m realizing that I’m subconsciously looking for a post tonight that simply does. not. exist. anywhere. And, for the life of me, I’m wondering why the heck not. I’m looking for a post…oh…somewhere along the lines of the-summer-disorganization-and-constantly-full-sink-is-giving-me-hives or I-really-wish-my-kids-would-sleep-in-longer-so-that-I-can-actually-taste-the-coffee-I-need-in-the-morning-rather-than-drink-it-like-it’s-a-shot-of-vodka or someone-please-remind-me-that-these-creatures-living-in-my-home-completely-dependent-on-me-are-a-blessing or yes-I-absolutely-did-give-my-children-free-license-on-wii-so-that-I-could-take-a-very-long-afternoon-nap. 

hiWhere are they? Instead, all I can find right now are posts about awesome looking recipes out of my budget or motivation to make, Pinteresting crafts that make me say “good for them,” and words that sound like they could be an autobiography from the Proverbs 31 woman (you know she would have been a blogger and had a massive Pinterest following had they been around in 900 B.C.).

Since all those Proverbs 31 women don’t seem to be writing with me in mind this week, I’ll write a few words for myself and the rest of us. They aren’t inspiring words really. And, this post won’t be one that is shared on facebook or tweeted out with the hashtag #mustread.

This mom stuff? It’s not easy. We may have some shining, proud Pinnable moments of fancy birthday cupcakes or clever road-trip games. But, the day after we share them, we’re just normal moms again with kids who never seem to  get enough of us and hearts and schedules divided into too many slices of our blogworthy pie. We have moments of yeah-that-was-a-good-teachable-moment mixed in with seemingly more moments of I’m-glad-no-one-was-with-me-to-witness-that-mom-fail. We ask ourselves, “Is this normal?” But, we’re smart, you know; we know exactly where to turn with our questions—our iPhones—which leads us to think, “Maybe I am the only one because Suzyblogger and JillTweeter are posting about selecting wool and flax and bringing their food from afar while our dinner tonight is likely going to be from a box in my freezer if I can even find one. Does that count as from afar?”

If you’re up late reading this tonight because you gave your kids a little too much screen time so that you could escape for a nap today like me, well done. We’re a little more sane tonight than we would have been had we made another cup of coffee and muscled through painting and stringing wooden beads.

And, while I can’t tell you you’re normal because there’s simply not enough data out there to warrant the use of the term, what I can tell is you’re not alone (clearly, since I’m still up writing this silly post as self-therapy to ease my own conscience).

Tomorrow’s a new day full of hope of a new beginning and less than 105-degree heat in our unairconditioned home. I’ll likely need a second cup of coffee to compensate for this late night which may make me want to grab another nap while some of you are teaching your 4 year olds to read or cook or design cathedrals. Whatever. I’m good if my four brush their teeth without me reminding them more than once and I don’t look at my husband with those eyes that say seriously?-can-you-take-this-issue-on-because-we-may-have-a-REAL-problem-if-I-have-to-handle-this-one.

Good night, moms like me…wherever you are.

No related posts.

Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: parenthood

The Day My Husband Quit His Job {Encore}

12.30.13

Originally posted in September, this post marks the single biggest event of our year…and one of the biggest in our life together really.

___________

china hutongHe put on an ironed shirt this morning, nice slacks, belt, and shoes. He kissed me goodbye and said, “Have a good day” just like he did yesterday and everyday last week and nearly every morning for the last 15 years of our marriage.

But, today was different. There was a spring in his step and an extra spark in his kiss because today was not like yesterday or the days before. Yesterday, he quit.

When he told his boss he was leaving, his boss wanted to play the game, give him a counter offer, encourage him to stay. When Mark told him he wasn’t headed over to a competitor but leaving the financial industry entirely, I think he left him a bit dumbfounded.

Leaving the industry. The one he’s worked in for 18 years.

Mark explained the work, his role specifically, how he’s been called to it. He told him how he’s been raising support so that we could do this. We thought he’d think we were crazy. Instead, he told Mark he was jealous; Mark will be doing something his heart is full in. It’s what everyone wants deep down, above wealth, benefits, prestige and all that comes with all three of those. Everyone wants to do something they love; maybe life too often gets in the way.

Just like that, Mark left that conference room, and everything was different. We knew his days there were numbered, but we didn’t know that number until now. He had imagined what that conversation would be like, played it over in his head. Now, the imagined is simply history, a day that we’ll remember that marks when we put a stake in the ground and said, “This is where we are meant to go, and we’re going.”

He’ll end well over the next two weeks, still putting on an ironed shirt and slacks and kissing me goodbye each morning, making sure things that need to be covered are covered, putting closure on all he can. But, at the end of those two weeks, he’ll close up a cardboard box with the few personal affects that made a sterile desk and chair his workplace, and he’ll drive home one last time for us to start a whole new part of our lives, one He’s been preparing us for all along.

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Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: China, posts I can't really tag

What’s fair {for the brother or sister of a child with special needs} {Encore}

12.29.13

Originally posted in April of 2013, I still often share this story. In fact, I shared it with someone just this yesterday.

________________

Tell your mom I need to talk to her before you leave.

Please tell me I’m not the only mom who receives that message from her child and sinks a little. Come on. I figure either (a) someone wants me to do something (which I likely won’t want to do) or (b) my kid did something (that I likely don’t want to hear).

I shouldn’t overthink everything.

It wasn’t a or b. He told me this:

I joined the kids at recess today to play kickball and was so in awe of your daughter. One of our autistic kids wanted to play but didn’t get it. His aide was there helping him, but it just wasn’t working. He’d kick the ball but couldn’t grasp what to do next. Ashlyn was amazing; she went right up to him, stood by home plate, and told him to hold her hand. She ran with him around the bases. The aide and I were stunned. It was just amazing, and I just wanted to tell you that.

sibling special needsI remember a time (okay…many times) I overthought something else. We have a son with some special needs. For years, our family has ebbed and flowed by his needs. Is that fair to our other children? Enter adoption, a special needs adoption, and the addition of another child (this time by choice) who would have some special needs that would require a bit more from us. How would this affect our son who already had his own struggles? What about our other two? Was this fair?

When that teacher shared that one little story, I realized I had always asked the wrong question. It’s not about being fair. That question itself implies that our “average” kids were losing out on something, denied something owed them. There’s a better question: Is it right?

Is it right for our children to learn to be flexible, to learn that their needs don’t always come first? Is it right for our children to learn that God has made each one of us differently and uniquely? Is it right for our children to learn to defend the weak and come alongside the hurting? Is it right for our children to learn to die to themselves for the sake of another?

We’re a family. We’re all here, each one of us with unique needs, some a bit more challenging than others, but we’ve all got unique needs. From my vantage point as I count the heads around our dinner table and tuck each one in at night, it’s all just right.

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Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: adoption, why can't they just stay little forever

…but we’re afraid {Encore}

12.28.13

afraid to adoptThis post originally posted nearly a year ago as well. The most exciting thing about this encore post is that the mama who emailed me and inspired this post is now waiting to get the word that she can travel to China to bring home her beautiful little baby girl.

______________

The words in my inbox were words I had read before.

we’ve been prayerfully considering adoption…but we are both still wrestling with a lot of fear and uncertainty….I know God will provide, but I really don’t know how to move beyond this place of fear.

The same words have been parts of other messages from other women. The same words had been written on my own heart years ago.

I remember when our family story began. Mark and I met at Young Life camp right before my senior year of college. Only 3 months later, after only phone calls and emails (which was nearly brand new), we started talking serious, and I knew where we were headed. After one of those late night phone calls with Mark, I called my mom, and I cried. I was scared out of my mind. I knew he was amazing and that God was leading and I was following — all good things. But, I was so uncomfortable and scared of the unknown and the commitment I was likely to be saying yes to soon. Fear and uncertainty filled me. My mom said something seemingly not all that brilliant; yet, 15 years later, here I am with her words still playing over in my head. They were words that quieted me and helped me move past my own self in spite of myself.

Kelly, I’d be worried if you weren’t scared.

Here’s the thing. Adoption is a big deal. And, wrestling with fear and uncertainty is right where you should be. It’s all part of the adoption journey. If we take that lightly and not wrestle with it, well, that’s when I’d be concerned.

It’s really not about having the best parenting skills or being able to stay at home or knowing all about attachment or all that we can wrongly claim as making as fully able and therefore ready. It’s about discerning if God has called you to it and if He has, if that timing is now. Even after we discerned that ourselves, I still battled fear, fear that literally took me prostrate to the ground at times. Some days while we waited, I wondered if we were making a mistake. I wondered if I forced something and if we were headed down the wrong path, if I’d be able to cut it, if I could really love a child who wasn’t “my own,” if I was motivated by the wrong reasons. But, God wouldn’t let us not do it. So, we pressed on. It wasn’t the easiest road–the wait, looking over files of very real children, traveling across the world, coming home with a toddler who was now our own, the grafting process. But, I know that right here is where God wants me to be, even when I’m overwhelmed by my inadequacy and wondering what He’s doing.

No one is “perfect” for this journey. But, He is and the journey itself is when He has called you to it.

No related posts.

Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: adoption

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I overthink everything. This blog is a prime example. Make yourself a cup of coffee and sit down for a read. Actually, make that a pot of coffee. There’s a lot of overthinking here.

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