5 years ago, I sat in my first IEP meeting and cried. The labels in front of me on a 25-page, single-spaced evaluation report answered questions but took my breath away at the same time. The words learning support sounded less stigmatizing than special education, but they really meant the same thing. Our son would not be in the normal classroom and would need strategies and special helps and therapies. The labels told us that. He told us that.
We had a lot of meetings that year. And, I cried at every one. It wasn’t what I had pictured; he didn’t fit what I had pictured, the dream I had in my mind. I wondered if he’d be the child who never left the nest. Would he be able to balance a checkbook? hold a job? be a husband and father? I wanted a cure for all his deficiencies and delays, a cure where only strategies could be promised.
I don’t remember all the specialists’ words (or even who they were) and all the papers I signed that year. But, I do remember one particular conversation with his kindergarten teacher. In fact, I can still picture it perfectly. We were sitting at little desks in little chairs. She was handing me tissues and then she said it—“There’s nothing wrong with Evan. He doesn’t need to be fixed.”
And, just like that, it was a defining moment in my motherhood. I stopped seeing him as being broken and needing repair. Instead, I saw him as a unique little man and saw myself as the woman called to be his mother and advocate. And, I had no idea how to do that for this child who needed so much. Miss Capable became Miss Unable as I faced that calling. I realized I was the one with deficiencies and delays, the one who needed strategies. Could I get a Parenting IEP, please?
Goals:
(1) to put the current needs of her child ahead of her own agenda and/or dreams/plans for the future;
(2) to recognize her weaknesses and shortcomings in parenting and seek to grow in those areas through bringing in other resources as needed;
(3) to become increasingly comfortable with the unknowns inherent to parenting a child with special needs and, frankly, any child;
(4) to ask the question, “What does my child need right now?” with compassion when facing her child’s challenging behaviors;
(5) to be able to name 5 abilities of each of her children without hesitation, focusing on their ABILities rather than any DISabilities;
(6) to demonstrate an awareness that she is not alone; and
(7) to live each day with an assurance that God chose her in particular to be the parent to each of her children and that they belong to Him.
A lot has happened in 5 years. Following an IEP meeting this week, we’re transitioning Evan into full inclusion so that he spends all his time in the mainstream classroom. He’s been doing so well. And, he asked for this change himself which is really something in and of itself. And, he’s ready. We’re all watching closely, but he’s ready.
I think we’ve both done really well meeting our IEP goals.
{happy sigh}