“Mommy, I have to tell you something.”
That’s how it started.
Ashlyn proceeded to tell me that a boy at recess came up to her and asked, “How much did your sister cost?”
Apparently, dealing with tough questions starts early. And, as prepared as I think I am and as prepared as I hope to help Lydia be, I guess I haven’t totally prepared the older children for questions like this.
She walked away. Stunned, she didn’t say a thing and went and told the teacher on duty who wrote the incident down to tell the disciplinarian.
“Well, you know, honey, we didn’t buy her; we adopted her.”
Yes, yes, she knows that.
She just didn’t understand why someone would ask that.
“It’s not like she was at a store!” she told me. Pause. “How much did it cost to adopt her?”
Do you tell your child this number? As overwhelming as it can be to some adults, I’m thinking telling that number to a child who can’t count that high is probably not a good idea.
“It cost a lot of money. But, it’s because we had to do a fill out a lot of papers and do a lot so China would know we were a good home for her. And, we traveled to China which is expensive.”
“You had to pay for the paper?”
Not exactly.
I assured her that her response was fine. But, she can answer if she wants and tell them what I told her.
“You know, some people might really just be curious, honey, because they don’t understand.”
“He wasn’t curious,” she told me.
My little girl, proud as can be of her Chinese sister, volunteering to do a Chinese fan dance for her school class, who helps me set up jewelry from Kenya to help provide for adoptive moms across the world.
This wasn’t her first experience dealing with someone who doesn’t get it. The day after we shared the news of Lydia with our children, she took a picture of her new little sister to kindergarten, so excited to share the news. A boy on the bus home told her she was ugliest baby ever and ripped the picture. Ashlyn ran into our house crying. I cried that day too. But, I also told her she was the best big sister in the world, because she already loved her baby sister so so much. And, yes, I also called the school.
But, today, I called the school without crying unlike the call I made nearly 2 years ago. Today, I left a message saying I heard what happened and we’ve talked with Ashlyn and we’ve got it. That’s it. Because, I realize, she’s going to face questions like this for a long time to come. And, she’s learning. All part of her process of understanding what it means to live as family brought together through adoption. She’s in process too.
