Last night, after the kids were in bed, I spent hours on the computer jumping from etsy to different sites, here and there. I was feeling a need to create. I had a sudden and irresistible urge to make something.

I found this to make out of an old button-down shirt.

After hours of surfing, then I was in the basement digging through boxes to see if I had any old lace I could use. Then, I was in the attic digging through some old material to see if I could find anything exciting.

You know why?

Because I can’t keep still.

Here I am with 4 kids with still not much above a whisper for a voice. It will be 2 weeks on Tuesday since I could speak normally. God is reminding me of His voice in the silence through Ashlyn’s devotional (God and Me! Devotions for Girls Ages 6-9 – for those of you who have emailed me asking for the title. It’s really really good. I strongly recommend it). I said I was listening to Him that day. But, I didn’t. I just kept on doing–after all, there were dishes to clean, laundry to fold, emails to write, editing to do, articles for We Are Grafted In to post, books to read, Bible Study homework to do. I thought I could listen while I did all that stuff; but, I didn’t. So, then He shows me a little more clearly since I didn’t seem to get it the first time. My Bible Study homework was about being silent before God (Connecting with God: A Spiritual Formation Guide (Renovare Spiritual Formation Guides) – way different than anything I’ve done before, really out of the box. It’s been interesting to do though. I’m enjoying the challenge it gives me). The exercise for the week was to spend 10 minutes a day still before God.

So, have I been practicing that which I’ve been writing about?

No.

Apparently, I need practice in order to practice stillness.

And, I need God’s grace.

I feel such a need to do. I can barely sit still with the kids to just talk or play without 100 other things going through my head. I have to be productive. I have to do something.

But, see, I guess that’s what God is teaching me. Being still before Him and doing nothing are two very different things. It’s okay to “waste” time by simply being with Him–not reading, not doing my Bible Study homework, not getting something off my to-do list checked off.

I love all those cute things I found to make. And, I’m totally willing to take any unwanted solid tees or extra lace or old button-down shirts off your hands. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to create. And, I think it will be time well spent with Ashlyn to make some of that stuff with her and for her.

But, next time I feel the Spirit’s urging to leave the computer alone or put the books down or leave the toys out and, instead, go be, I really should listen. Because my need for accomplishment and a sense of resolution is not greater than my need for God. And, what good is a perfectly clean house with all my to-do items checked off if I have no closeness with the One who gave me all those things.

I’m learning. It’s slow, and it’s not easy. And, it’s humbling. And, maybe I’m so hard headed that it is going to take weeks of being unable to speak in order to really hear.