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My Overthinking

Philly Area mom, Life forever changed by adoption

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Archives for 12.31.14

And the lump in my throat doesn’t even matter #2014top10 #1

12.31.14

I’m sitting at my desk, the lump in my throat rising, the pain in my chest growing. It feels so real to me, the discomfort over the loss of all comfort.

The safe haven in Jinan China touted for it’s bright pink and green and cartoon images on the windows to give privacy that opened on June 1st has “exceeded expectations.”

44 children.

44 children in 6 days.

44 children, all ill.

I am one who rises to the defense of parents in China in general who make the decision to walk away from their child. When someone shakes their head or mutters a “How could…?” style question, I am the first to interject, to attempt to explain with compassion about a place where adoption plans are not legal and expectations and family and life are all riddled with things we cannot understand. I believe the words I share with all of my heart.

Screen Shot 2014-06-10 at 3.42.29 PM

from www.womenofchina.cn

Yet, there are times when I read an article like this and see the picture of a child believed to be drugged before being thrown from a car outside the “safe” haven that I feel like I have seen and heard enough, that the brokenness in this world is too much to bear.

There are 25 safe havens throughout China. I’m glad they’re there. But, oh, how my heart breaks to offer something more, something to make the lack of “deliveries” exceed expectations. How I wish I could serve right there at the door and offer counsel…something…something to make things different. I’m not sure it would matter in the long run when I would leave and they have everyday in front of them.

I feel the lump in my throat again. And, feel glad for once that I can’t speak Mandarin because I know that watching and actually understanding the language in this news clip would likely incite me more and make this lump something else entirely.

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Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: China, Orphans

#ohChina #2014top10 #2

12.31.14

If you’re going to be in China, there are a few things you need to know.

lazysusan

1. Your new best friend is named Susan. And, she’s lazy. Nearly every restaurant is going to have one of these twirly deals on the table. I’ve fallen so hard for my BFF lazy Susan that I’m looking to get a round table for our kitchen and get one of our own.

2. Meals are about community, not efficiency. If you try to load up those little plates set around the big round table at meals, you will feel like a giant…and look like a rude American. Use your chopsticks and take one bite at a time as your BFF Susan brings a dish in front of you. It’s totally okay to share dishes with your friends around the table.

hot water bottle

3. Hot water is a cure all. It’s sorta like Tylenol. It’s a wonder drug. Accept it.

food-bag

4. Eating out of a plastic bag isn’t all that different than eating out of a styrofoam box. 

slurp

5. Spitting, loudly clearing your throat, slurping. It’s all good.

china-traffic

6. Mandarin and horn beeping are the national languages. Drivers beep their horns like some people bite their nails.

China Olympics Traffic Plan

7. Lines are overrated. Why bother with lines? A crowd all moving in the same direction works just fine.

china market ladies

8. Yes means maybe; maybe means no; impossible means just don’t want to. Glad to clear that up for you.

china gift

9. Gift giving is the Chinese love language. They’re a big deal. And, when you give one, you’ll likely receive one. Just don’t open it right then and there.

china conversation

10. Chinese is not a love language. They could be saying You are the most kindhearted person in the world and I love you and it will sorta sound like yelling.

china shopping

11. Do not ever buy something for the sticker price or you’ll end up making a shopkeeper very happy and pay likely 4x more than you should.

horse-1

12. There’s a big difference between the way you say Ma and the way they say Ma. Tones make a big difference in a tonal language, ya’ll.

china allergies

13. Expect your allergies to bother you. Don’t have allergies? You suddenly will discover you have them after all.

china sign

14. Stock photos are the bomb just as they are. No need to customize.

chinese ordering

15. That word you are hearing over and over again is not the N-word. Ni ga is the Chinese version of ummmm.

tomb sweeping

16. Why do the Chinese have the corner on the holiday market? I wish we all had as many holidays as they do. I think we’d be a lot happier.

china pajamas

17. If it has a collar and buttons, it’s a perfectly acceptable outfit. 

product-shoe-covers-01

18. Outdoor shoes worn indoors? Are you kidding me? It’s barbaric to even think of such a thing.

pictures in china

19. Pa-pa-pa papparazzi complete with peace signs. Your face will be all over QQ before you step foot on American soil again.

arm in arm

20. Friends walk arm in arm. And, I will take your arm if we’re friends. And, I will say something about how I totally wish that was the norm in America. Just expect it…and everything else here. #ohChina

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Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: China

I’m not advocating for a stranger anymore #2014top10 #3

12.31.14

I was told there were no flights out of Beijing on March 12th. No flights? How could that be? What that meant was that if we really wanted to travel on that day, our trip that would have been a 13 hour plane ride followed by several hours in Chicago followed by a 2 hour flight to Philly just increased by about 10 hours. We had the worst itinerary ever—an early morning domestic flight to another city in China, an 8 hour layover, and then a flight to Chicago and then our flights home. Great.

When I called my friend and traveling companion to tell her the bad news, she suggested we make the best of it, get out of the airport, make it a fun layover, see the town. Then, we both remembered that he lived there. But, there was no way we’d get permission to visit him. I was sure of it.

But, apparently, God was in charge of our itinerary all along.

QuiLe 1

He was anxious to greet us when we arrived, hurrying to put on his shoes. The boys in his room were calling his name. They all knew he had special visitors coming to see him. He was a little quiet at first and hindered by the gap created by our English and his Mandarin. But, chocolate fixes lots of things. He smiled big, showing off his dimples and at least two Enlish words as I handed him a big chocolate bar from America.

Thank you!

We spent an hour with him, hearing from him about how he likes math and basketball. We saw his classroom and his prize winning handwriting assignment. I saw his second grade workbook where he was doing math more advanced than my son the same age is doing in his American 2nd grade class. I saw the love his teacher and caregiver have for him, a boy who has had a rough start but who very much seems like a normal, active little guy. We heard from him that most of his friends including his best friend have already been adopted. We asked him if he wanted a family, brothers and sisters, a big move to America.

Yes.

I touched his face, tickled his cheeks, patted his head, silently prayed over him in person as I have prayed from the other side of the world.

6

I told someone there that I thought he’d make a wonderful son and how sorry I was that he was still waiting. That someone typed something into a phone and showed it to me, unable to say it without the help of technology…or unable to say it aloud in the presence of others.

It read in Chinese:

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

QuiLe 2

At the end of our visit, we walked him back to his room. I gave him another chocolate bar to save for later and told him how special he was and that we came all the way from America just to see him. It wasn’t about us at all; we aren’t all that. But, I wanted to give him that. I wanted him to know he was worth a trip across the world.

Today’s his 8th birthday. I wonder if he saved any of his chocolate bar to eat today. We prayed for him as a family today, praying that his family sees his face and that God would show Himself sovereign over their itinerary too and reveal to them that he is worth a trip across the world and back again to make him a beloved son.

5

To read more about my commitment to advocate for him, please see this post.

To read more about my first post about him, please read this post.

If you want to know more about adopting him, please contact me. I would love to share more pictures, some video, and everything I know about him.

___________________________

He’s no longer an orphan. :) And, I’m going to meet him again at the end of January, now with his family.

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Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: Advocating, China, Orphans

It’s not the boobs that bother me #2014top10 #4

12.31.14

Screen Shot 2014-01-09 at 10.46.17 AM
87 comments, 4,483 likes, and 1,094 shares as of 10:45 this morning of this image shared on Dave Thomas Foundation’s Facebook page.

Dave Thomas Foundation does great work advocating for children. But, I think they made a mistake promoting this particular image and identifying it as “a true gem.”

I appreciate the sentiment—parents love their children no matter how they joined the family. I didn’t miss that point. But, I have some fundamental problems with the communication of that sentiment here.

  • All my children are my children. Period. I would never introduce my kids to someone new and single out any as birth children or adopted children. Some might say I have read too many blog posts from adults who were adopted who vulnerably share feeling like they did not fit in. But, even one blog post, one conversation with someone who was adopted is enough for me to decide that as a mother of a little one who joined us via adoption, I will never single her out like this. She will be acutely aware as she grows that she looks different than the rest of us. She certainly doesn’t need me pointing that out any more.
  • Adopted is a past tense verb, not an adjective. My daughter Lydia is energetic, silly, determined, strong, physically fearless and yet emotionally fragile, independent yet utterly dependent, and incredibly beautiful. She is Chinese, and she was adopted. We adopted her. I know some are rolling their eyes and writing me off right now as overthinking everything. Go ahead, tell me I’m overthinking it all and overreacting as I do. I know it can be a character flaw. But, you know what? She’s my daughter; I can overthink it.
  • I have not and will never forget she was adopted. Her story is one that involves deep pain and weeps of the brokenness of our world and yet the sovereignty of God and redemption of broken things. When I sat before an officer of the Chinese government charged with legally approving a child of the state becoming a precious daughter of ours, I promised she would be our child, that we would care for all her needs as if she had been born to us. But, in between the lines, I also promised that I would not neglect to recognize her story and walk alongside her as she grows and processes that story through different seasons of her life. I will never forget the stories of each one of my children and treat them as if their needs are all one in the same.

All that on top of the fact that her boobs are completely wrong.

my adoption cartoon

 ______

A few hours after posting this, the Dave Thomas Foundation actually commented on my Facebook post.

Screen Shot 2014-01-09 at 6.23.40 PM
Apparently, they thought it was the boobs that bothered me.

No related posts.

Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: adoption, attachment

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I overthink everything. This blog is a prime example. Make yourself a cup of coffee and sit down for a read. Actually, make that a pot of coffee. There’s a lot of overthinking here.

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