My Overthinking

Philly Area mom, Life forever changed by adoption

Archives for 2012

"Caring" Propaganda Instead

The Taipei Times shared this headline yesterday:

CHINA BANS NASTY FAMILY PLANNING SLOGANS…Instead of threatening people with sterilization or death, local authorities are encouraged to use more ‘caring’ language

As the world’s most populous country with more than 1.3 billion people, China introduced the “one-child” policy in 1979 which is when signs like these, particularly in rural areas started to show up.

Ones that still stand and read things like

“Kill all your family members if you don’t follow the rule” and

“If you don’t have your tubes tied, your house will be demolished.”

The article mentions a sign that reads “Once you are captured, your tubes will be tied. Should you escape, we’ll hunt you down. If you attempt suicide, we’ll offer you either the rope or a bottle of poison.”

This is real stuff.

“One child policy. Husbands have responsibility.”

“Rather have blood flow like rivers, than to have another [child].”

“One birth, you need to wear a ring. Two birth, sterilization. Over birth is not good, sterilization and fines.”

China’s National Population and Family Planning Commission wants to prevent “zealous local authorities from offending the public or worsening social tensions with ‘nasty’ slogans.”

Instead, they want them to continue to uphold the one-child policy but use “caring” verbiage that will not offend and also helps battle the gender imbalance that China’s one-child policy has become known for.

“Having a boy or a girl is both good. A daughter can also pass on the future generation.”
“Control the number of people. Enhance the quality of people.”

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{parenting is} full of rules

I don’t care if February 29th only comes once every 4 years. Today was miserable.

Rain.

All.

Day.

Rain that required me to drive up the street to rescue my two oldest kids (and my eldest’s best friend) from drowning on their walk home from school.

We stopped at Evan’s buddy’s house first. Out he hopped and started up to his door.

And, I waited to make sure he got in safely (even though his mom and I had just spoken and both his mom and dad’s cars were parked out front…didn’t matter) and see his mom wave at the front door…as we mom’s do.

As we were waiting, Evan gave me the, “Come on, why don’t you just go?”

“Honey, I have to wait to watch him get in. That’s what you are supposed to do.”

To which he replied…

“Do you have a mom’s handbook or something because you have a lot of rules.”

I don’t happen to have that one on my bookshelf. But, if anyone of you has a copy, would you let me borrow it? Or send me a link to it so I can order it myself. I think I’d do a lot better here if I actually had the handbook.

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When will I not think about it

I am so tired right now. Waking up at odd hours several nights in a row will do that to you (thank you, two youngest children). So, if my words become incomprehensible, well, I’m blaming lack of sleep…or more like interrupted sleep which to me might as well mean crazy sleep deprivation.

4am this morning. Lydia starts crying, not the kind of crying you can hope just quiets on its own. I mean, screaming crying, calling our names, “I’m 100% awake” kind of crying. For the third night in a row, I somehow managed to remove myself from our bed to go in there. And, I wasn’t happy about it.

I wanted her to stop. crying.

“want Mama’s bed, want Daddy’s bed. No crib.”

And, I just didn’t want to do it. For all those cosleepers out there…bless you. It’s not for me. The only person I’m cosleeping with is the one I married.

I knew it would make her fall right back asleep and quit the crying that somehow seems like it’s a 12 on a scale of 1 to 10 when it’s at 4am. It worked all the other nights.

But, I just didn’t want to do it. again. and then again and again. I see what’s happening here. I changed her, held for a few seconds, put her back in her crib crying, and made her a little warm bottle. And, then left her in there while I went back to bed.

A few minutes later, she was quiet.

But, right away, my thoughts were not–did I do the right thing? If she’s crying to come be with us, should I have let her? What kind of message am I sending? Should I have laid on her floor next to her for a while until she was quiet? Did I just reinforce anti attachment thinking? Did I mess this up?

It’ll be 2 years in April since she’s been home with us. And, I’m overthinking about when I won’t be overthinking attachment stuff. When can I just be and not have to worry about damaging effects on our attachment or sending the wrong message?

…

She woke up happy, totally fine, totally attached this morning…though her interrupted sleep seems to have caused her to be overly exhausted for her nap this afternoon which led me to put her down crying…again…

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I know you want an iPad

I know you do.

But, even if you aren’t an apple junkie, stay with me.

Traci and Jose Rivera together have 5 kiddos and 1 grandbaby. And, one of those kiddos, their 2 1/2 year old Isabella Bailey, is waiting for them in Baoji, in the same orphanage where Lydia lived her first year.

Adoption wasn’t on their radar. They grew up thinking that adoption was only for people who couldn’t have “kids of their own.” And, their hearts and home were full already. But, God did some heart transforming.

In 2007, they moved into the home where they live now, right next door to a family with 2 girls, the youngest of which was adopted from Thailand and right across the street from a family who brought home one, then two, then three girls from China.

After a whole lot of conversation and prayer and major heart work, in August, Jose told his wife, “we have a child in China.” And, that was that.

Not long after, they “met” their daughter Isabella, a precious toddler living in the same place where Lydia lived, cared for by the same ayis who cared for our girl. Isabella too needs some heart transforming–she has a serious heart defect that will require open heart surgery quickly and possibly a heart/lung transplant.

Traci told me…

Having faith that no matter what God’s plans are for our little one’s future, we know that she deserves to know love, God and family, no matter if she is with us a day or 50 years – we know her story is already written by God and we were just put in her path to help her along the way. Of course I pray that Isabella has a long, healthy life – we love her so much already.

So, the iPad. They are giving one away. They are hoping it helps them raise the money they need to bring this little girl home to her family.

Head on over here TODAY. It only takes a minute, just head on over right now. Donate $5 and they’ll give you a chance to win. Donate $20 and get 5 chances to win. If you can’t give, just leave them a comment and encourage their dear family as they bring this girl home.

I love these Baoji babes and the families who bring ’em on home. Come on, love ’em with me.

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