My Overthinking

Philly Area mom, Life forever changed by adoption

Archives for December 2012

Advent {My Spiritual Booster Shot}

It’s time. The perforated cardboard doors are all open. All the felt pockets are empty of their trinkets. A couple days ago, we read about Ezra and Nehemiah. But, the very next reading jumped ahead hundreds of years to what they all had been talking about and waiting for. My audience was captivated.

The God who flung planets into space and kept them whirling around and around, the God who made the universe with just a word, the one who could do anything at all – was making himself small. And coming down…as a baby.

That’s what advent is all about.

Anticipation.

Preparation.

His coming near.

Sacrifice.

The perfect to the broken, the holy to the unholy.

Jesus came.

Tonight, we will sing with countless others around the world that God with man is now residing. Somehow we will sing in unison; we’ll invite each other to come and worship, come and worship. We will light candles. We will dress our daughters in pretty dresses. Fight our sons to smile for pictures. Tomorrow, we’ll hug cousins and aunts and uncles. Laugh together, eat together, share together after we get the kids all settled in their sleeping bags or beds, wherever we can pile them all in.

Meanwhile, the needles from our tree continue to drop, and the trashmen will be greeted next week by bags of ripped paper. Credit card bills are on their way.

But, advent doesn’t just stop when the Christmas carols are no longer on the radio. I want an advent spirit. Lord, will you give me that for Christmas this year? An advent spirit? I want a spirit of expectation, to live in expectation, to live with watchfulness. It doesn’t have to be just for 24 days in December each year. I want it all year, everyday. Eyes that no longer hold my spirit back with only seeing the mundane but release my spirit with glimpses of the extraordinary.

I want to be one of the saints before the altar bending, watching long in hope and fear…everyday. Advent and Christmas at the culmination of it is just the booster shot I need.

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He is There

Christmas 2009. Three Christmases ago. I was a wreck. We were so close to finding our new daughter. I just knew it would be a few weeks after Christmas.

And, that meant that though I didn’t know who she was or where exactly she was, what she looked like or how old she was. I knew she was. I knew she was somewhere across the world, alone for Christmas, what was her first Christmas.

And, though I was anxious and wondering and thinking all the time about her, there was something that gave me great peace.

God was there.

In Luke 2:6-20, Luke mentioned the manger three times. Why?

The manger was messy. It wasn’t what we picture–a wooden contraption with a sweet bed of hay. It was more like a box looking thing or basin made out of clay mixed with hay or stones and held together with mud. All kinds of food for animals were put in it, not just nice yellow hay. It was dirty, maybe moldy, smelly.

And, God was there. Very literally, God was there. 

As spunky and full of life as Lydia is now, it wasn’t that long ago that she was in a pretty messy place. I believe her orphanage was one of the better ones–her needs were met and we’ve learned more recently that there were quite caring women who took to her there. There was a wall of windows with natural light in the room where she lived 24-7. In that room were 40 cribs and a few toys for all to share to pass the time. There were older children in that orphanage too, children we weren’t allowed to see. And, I wonder what their days were like.

I’ve heard a lot of stories–about adopted children who flinch when someone moves their direction in fear that they will be hit; children who were never held, children who have come to accept that no one wants to bring home a child their age, only babies; children who suffer significant consequences from not having the medical treatment they needed earlier.

And, yet, I believe God is there.

God is not only not afraid to get his feet dirty; He is about getting His feet dirty. That’s what advent is all about, isn’t it? God coming down, the perfect to the broken, the holy to the unholy.

Psalm 34:18 tells us He’s close to the brokenhearted–and there are so many right now. I can only imagine that He is very close indeed to brokenhearted children–here and there–whether they are aware of their brokenness or not. He’s there.

I prayed for our daughter 3 Christmases ago, that He would be close to her, that He would remain close to her. That He would be tangibly felt in that room where she slept. That He would wrap His arms around her when she was cold. That He’d rock her when she needed comfort. That He’d be in the manger with her. 
I know He was there.

And, somehow, in the dark places of orphanages around the world, I can’t explain how or what He always looks like there, but I believe that He’s there. In the warmth of the sun pouring in the windows, He comforted my child. In the smile of a nanny. In the gaze of another orphan. In the provision sent by charities around the world. In her broken heart–emotionally and literally. 
Somehow, He was there.
Now, as my children listen to us read about His story every night around our table, sneak Hershey kisses in their mouths as we make reindeer eyes, and use entirely too much scotch tape on crafts and wrapping paper alike, He is here…and, He is there, somehow making an unholy place, holy.
That’s what He’s about. That’s what advent is about. 

photos courtesy of KC Photography

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A letter to our teachers today

Dear ….

Over the last several weeks, we’ve been doing advent readings every night at dinner. These readings have been preparing our hearts for Christmas in a significant way as we talk together about things like what it means that God came down to rescue us in the form of a baby. We’ve been talking about the choice to love and what it means to sacrifice.

Christmas gives an opportunity to talk more about sacrifice as we give and receive gifts. But, nothing could better demonstrate sacrifice to them than the stories of the teachers who gave their lives Friday to protect the children in their care. We spent some time talking with them about what happened and how sad it is that we live in a broken world but that there is hope even in that brokenness–we’ve been reading about that hope every night.

We do all we can to protect our children. As parents, we worry and fret and often try to micromanage and keep things as much under our control as possible! But, as you know full well, we can’t always be with them, guarding them at every step. What a blessing to know that when we drop them off every morning at 8:20 and drive away from that school, they are in the hands of people like those teachers in Connecticut who would sacrifice to protect them at great cost as well. And, we can rest knowing that they are ours only for time and really belong to the God who made them, the only one is always with them at every step.

Thank you for your service and commitment to my child and to the children who have filled your classroom over the years. On behalf of every parent whose child you have sacrificed for on a daily basis and would sacrifice for if needed, thank you.

Genuinely,
Kelly

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Teaching Sacrifice {what, why, how}

Well, I’m sorry. You can’t keep playing wii. We’re going to our friend’s house as a family. You need to learn how to sacrifice what you want sometimes.

I know you want to buy that game, but you also need to buy some gifts yet. You’re going to have to sacrifice what you want so that you can buy the gifts you want to give.

I know you both want that toy. I see that clearly. Why don’t you make the decision this time to sacrifice a little and let her have it?

Sacrifice. The act of giving up something valuable to you whether it be time, treasure, or desire for the sake of something else regarded as more important or worthy.

We all want our children to learn to sacrifice. But, I confess that I’ve made a mistake as I’ve led my children. I’ve focused too much on the act of giving up something valuable.

The truth is–true sacrifice is costly. That is what makes it a sacrifice after all. If giving something up costs us nothing, it isn’t a sacrifice by definition. When we give away a box of things to someone who can use them, if we didn’t like them, couldn’t wear them, and/or couldn’t sell them, it’s really not a sacrifice. Sacrifice hurts–sometimes a little, sometimes a lot. The cost is felt regardless.

But, true sacrifice also reaps a gain. Call it counterintuitive; but, it’s true. There is more to sacrifice than simply the pain. We don’t just sacrifice to play the martyr. We empty ourselves of time, treasure, or desire for the sake of something greater. Sacrifice is purposeful. Our sacrifices produce change. The hearts of others around us are changed, even when we don’t see it. And, our hearts are also changed in the process. And, changed hearts means changed lives. When we make hard choices of sacrifice, somehow God works in our hearts in such a way that pride and self-centeredness become less without us even knowing it, and our love for others grows. The something greater is softened hearts, healed relationships, and changed lives.

I’ve erred by focusing too much on their cost–give it up, let her have it, give in this time. But, the truth is, they are on the receiving end all the time of the sacrifice of others. I know that full well, and I want them to know that. Their gifts under the tree at our house and the trees at their aunts and uncles and grandparents’ houses–they are tangible reminders of sacrifice. The gifts may be just what they wanted or maybe not at all what they wanted. But, every scotch-taped together package with paper they get to rip, it has their name on it, written on a tag as an act of sacrifice–it costs someone something whether that cost seems great to us or not, and it reaps a gain. Every gift is a blessing, blessing them in one way or another and the gift giver when they show him or her their gratitude.

I know that’s not the view of the masses. Maybe people find it reminiscent of the I-brought-you-into-this-world.-I-can-take-you-out-of-it mentality. One person commented on one of my previous posts where I talked about my kids understanding sacrifice with this:

I don’t agree that children should be aware of their parents’ sacrifices for their Christmas presents. . . . No child should be made to feel guilty for their Christmas presents, and no parent should want them to feel that way.

This is not about feeling guilty. I want them to know that people have made the choice that blessing them is more important or worthy.

Isn’t that what advent is about? 

We’re reading The Jesus Storybook Bible for advent this year (here’s the plan we’re following). Early on, we read about Noah. We read all about sacrifice there.

The first thing Noah did was to thank God for rescuing them, just as he had promised. And the first thing God did was make another promise. ‘I won’t ever destroy the world again.’ And like a warrior who puts away his bow and arrow at the end of a great battle, God said, ‘See, I have hung up my bow in the clouds.’ And there, in the clouds–just where the storm meets the sun–was a beautiful bow made of light. It was a new beginning in God’s world. It wasn’t long before everything went wrong again but God wasn’t surprised, he knew this would happen. That’s why, before the beginning of time, he had another plan–a better plan. A plan not to destroy the world, but to rescue it–a plan to one day send his own Son, the Rescuer. God’s strong anger against hate and sadness and death would come down once more–but not on his people, or his world. No, God’s war bow was not pointing down at his people. It was pointing up, into the heart of Heaven.

It’s because of His sacrifice, His costly and purposeful sacrifice for us that we know we are loved and we are able to love others and make the choice to sacrifice.

Maybe I should make a few changes. They are subtle, but I think there’s a whole different message. And, maybe the result and the process to get there would look different.

I’m sorry. You can’t keep playing wii. We’re going to our friend’s house as a family. I know it’s hard to sacrifice what you want sometimes; I know that myself because it’s hard for me too. But, I promise you that it’s worth it. It may not feel like it when you feel upset now, but going to our friend’s house together now is more important than playing wii? Maybe later we can talk about why that is.

I know you want to buy that game, but you also need to buy some gifts yet. You may have to sacrifice what you want so that you can buy the gifts you want to give. That isn’t easy. I had to do that too this year. But, you know what? I don’t really miss that thing that I gave up in order to buy the gifts I bought for others. And, I can’t wait to give those gifts this year especially the ones that I put a lot of heart into.

I know you both want that toy. I see that clearly. Why don’t you make the decision this time to sacrifice and let her have it? It is hard to do that, but it shows her how much you love her. And, next time, she will be more willing to sacrifice for you. That’s what being a family is about, sacrificing for each other all the time.

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