Archives for November 2012

I shared yesterday what we do with the gift giving in our family. About 3 years ago, I shared here what we don’t do and why. Three years later, it’s pretty much the same deal.

Grocery store check out lady: “So, what is Santa bringing you for Christmas this year?”

Kids: “We don’t believe in Santa.”

Grocery store check-out lady and all others in earshot: [gasps of horror]

We don’t do Santa in our house. (go ahead, get your gasps out now.)

The kids know that we shop for gifts for them and we fill their stockings hung by the chimney with care. We tell the kids that some families like to play a game with their children, pretending that Santa is real and brings them gifts at Christmas. But, he’s just that, a game based on a really nice man who lived a long time ago named St. Nicholas who gave money to poor families.

We’re cool with him though. We still wave to him at the mall as we explain that it’s really a man dressed up like Santa. In fact, we’ve got one of those costumes in our cedar closet that my granddad used to wear. We still read Twas the Night Before Christmas and sing along to Here Comes Santa Claus. And, we all look forward to the classic Christmas specials with Rudulph and the silly dentist elf. But, we’ve just never been into the whole game for a handful of reasons.

* Simply put, keeping up the Santa story can distract us from talking about Jesus’ birth and the significance of the incarnation.

* I know it can be fun, but it’s not truth. In fact, we know people who have created quite a web of lies to protect their children’s belief in Santa. Perhaps it’s my overthinking coming into play, but we’d rather have our kids know they can totally trust us rather than build a complicated story that others reinforce which they later find out isn’t actually true. If we lie about Santa, would our children question whether we are lying about other things that are unseen? If we ask them to believe in a Santa they cannot see and they find out we have lied, will they doubt whether our testimony that God is real is true?

* We want our children to understand the value of the gifts they are given, from us or other family members, and recognize that some gifts are a real sacrifice financially and have taken a lot of effort. We want them to learn gratefulness for this sacrifice. We think telling them that Santa gave them their gifts takes away from their understanding of generosity and sacrifice.

* We do not want them to fall prey to a works mentality. We’ve all heard it–“Stop that or else Santa will put you on the naughty list!” We don’t want our children to think that blessings depend solely on whether they have been good or bad. We want them to understand what grace is–God’s unmerited favor, kindness from God that we don’t deserve. There is nothing we have done or can ever do to earn this favor. The classic lesson that “being bad” may put them on the “naughty list,” translating into less presents or a lump of coal could really hinder their understanding of grace.

It’s how we do things, but we respect that others do things differently. I know friends who have fond memories of leaving out milk and cookies and all that and want to give their kiddos the same. I get that. We’ve got some traditions we can’t let go of too. And, don’t worry–we tell the kids that some families really like the game. They have strict instructions not to tell other kids that Santa isn’t real in case they believe he is.

Of course, that may not stop Lydia who told Mark on the phone yesterday when we got back from a little Christmas shopping: “I’m not going to tell you I bought a flashlight. I don’t want to tell you, okay?”

$450 billion. Americans spend about $450 billion on Christmas each year.

Way back when we started our family, we didn’t know this number. But, we knew we wanted to “do gifts” a bit differently for our family.

We decided we wanted gifts to mean something.

When we were pregnant with our first child who is now 10 (gasp!), we decided we’d use gift giving as a teachable moment for our children.

And, so, we give them 3 gifts. That’s it. 3 gifts. From us. Not from Santa. From Mom and Dad.

These three gifts symbolize those of the wise men. And, each year, before we open gifts, we read the story and remind the children about the wise men and the gifts they brought to baby Jesus, the incarnate God.

The wise men brought Jesus myrrh. 
Myrrh was a valuable gift of practical use–it was used medicinally for all sorts of ailments from coughs to open wounds. It was a good gift to bring a mother of a new baby. And, in addition to daily use, it was used for embalming and anointing the dead. And, so, it was a prophetic gift, already setting up the Gospel story from the beginning. God’s son would have to die.

Our children’s first gift is a practical gift, something they need and can use daily–a piece of clothing, some sheets for their bed, a bike helmet, something like that.

The wise men brought Jesus frankincense.
Frankincense is the purest form of incense and was primarily used in worship. When burned, the white smoke and sweet smell it produces is a symbol of our prayers going up to heaven and creates a meaningful experience for everyone present. It’s a symbolic gift, pointing to Jesus fully being God, Emmanuel, God with us, the only one worthy of our worship.

Our children’s second gift, likewise, is an experiential gift, something not tangible but something meaningful to us as a family–tickets to a theater show, a coupon for a night out with Daddy for ice cream sundaes, a night out at the ball park, something like that.

The wise men brought Jesus gold.
Gold was as valuable then as it is now. It was a precious gift, one that some say financed the family’s trip to Egypt. But, it was also a very symbolic gift in that gold was given to princes when they were born. And, that is what Jesus is–royalty, a King in the line of David, King of the world, King of our hearts. When we become a follower of Jesus, we are adopted into God’s family and we too become princes and princesses, heirs to the throne. We don’t deserve it; no matter how good we are, we won’t ever be good enough to deserve it. But, because of Jesus, God sees us like He sees His own Son. And, we become like Him.

Our children’s third and last gift is a gold gift, something they really really want. Sometimes these gifts are a little more costly–like a lego set or a sweet new scooter (shhhh….). And, sometimes, they really aren’t costly at all, but just something we know they really want, something that is like gold to them. And, we just want to give it to them because we love them and want to bless them.

Of course, they have grandparents, all of whom dote on our children. And, now that they are older, we let them choose small gifts for each other that they pay for with their chore money (which is a teachable moment in an of itself). So, yes, they do get more than 3 gifts. Deprived they are not.

And, we know we are doing what we can to set them up to understand that Christmas is not simply about Rudolph, sparkly trees, cookies and milk, and boxes wrapped up with fancy bows.

It’s about Jesus.

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