Archives for October 2011
Healing Beneath the Surface
Spitting and Hitting and All That Pretty Stuff
I’m not thinking this picture will win her cutest kid of the year.
Honestly, I haven’t felt like voting for her lately.
She’s been giving us the 2-year-old treatment lately complete with spitting and hitting every one of us.
Nothing cute about that.
And, so, we’ve had to start figuring out how to discipline her. You’d think parents of 4 children would know what they are doing by the time #4 needs correction. But, I am figuring this all out for the first time.
Time-outs has always been my method of choice with the other 3–isolate the child for a period of time so he/she can take a breather (as can I) and then we can talk about his/her choice and what a better choice may look like and walk through the apology and forgiveness process.
But, Lydia was adopted. And, before she was adopted, she was in an institution for a year with rotating nannies and no one caregiver that belonged to her who she could bond with. And, time-outs for a child with a traumatic infancy like Lydia’s who is learning or has just learned to connect can feel that I am, in effect, isolating her from my love not merely my physical presence. And, I certainly do not want to do that to her.
After all, I’m not about behavior modification ultimately. I am into discipling not disciplining my child, walking along with her to help her be the person God wants her to be. Part of that discipling involves correction–but the goal is not to modify behavior but help change a heart.
So, we’ve been trying a form of “time-ins” though we’re still calling it a “time-out.” We pull out a stool for her in the same place we are and ask her to stay on it. We stay within her view the whole time, so she has to take a break from the situation but not from us. Even as she cries, we tell her we will talk to her as soon as she is ready. Then, we do our best to talk her through what she did wrong and how she cannot hit or spit.
Sounds all good, right? She calms down, nods her head, gives us a hug, hugs whoever she decided to hit or spit on this time.
Then we ask, “Are you going to spit at her again?”
And, she answers, “Yes.”
{smile}
I think I need a time-out.
Adoration and Advocation
He is holy. The Greek word we read in English as “holy” is agios or hagios, literally meaning without earth or separated from earth. And, He is indeed that, somehow elevated in being and purpose above the mundane and common affairs of earth, as Aquinas would put it. And yet, somehow, though His ways are not our ways, He uses us in His work in spite of ourselves. He uses me in spite of myself.
About a month ago, I was emailing with a young man from Dublin, Ireland. He had recently come home from a trip with Bring Me Hope to serve Chinese orphans. And, his life was changed. This Holy God revealed His heart to Rob and showed him that He could use him in spite of himself to serve children, children forgotten by many, children precious to Him. One of these children had been made paper ready for adoption–and this child happened to be the one Rob couldn’t stop thinking about.
Kristen, a young woman who lives locally to me who has poured herself out for the cause of orphans, was with him on that trip. She emailed me.
I have a question for you. There’s an 8 yr old boy who came to our camp in Xi’an this summer. He’s 8 years old and missing a few digits on his one hand. . . . He’s got one of the most loving, gentle hearts I’ve ever come across. He’s absolutely adorable, his smile golden, sweet, sensitive, and athletic.
I can’t shake the desire to help him get a family, and so I’ve been praying about it and feel more conviction I should step up and take that on myself – to be really proactive about spreading the word.
Just today I found out he is actually paper-ready. . . . It’s such a miracle, as so many of the kids who come to our camps don’t have paper work in at all.
So I wanted to ask if you would consider doing a post on We Are Grafted In about him, and/or sending out an email to your adoptive friends to help. I know he would be an absolute blessing to any family. I feel like right now I’m trying to convince people to take a gift that’s really going to be more of a blessing to them than they could imagine.
I know this is all a bit unconventional but I’m just so anxious to see him adopted. :)
And, so, we went to work. Rob sent me pictures and wrote something up. I edited and formatted and scheduled it to post. I requested his medical file from an adoption agency who very willingly sent it to me in full. And, God was all along at work in spite of ourselves.
On September 14th, I posted He’s Ready For His Family right here on my blog and He’s Ready on WAGI. And, we all waited.
A few emails started to come in, and I started emailing his file out. Someone saw a link to my posts that I put on an online forum and commented on my blog:
I would love to find out more about who has this little one’s file right now.
And, she included her email address.
Donna was moved by his story and posted a video Rob had made about him to her own blog. And, God was at work in their hearts.
Today, there’s a very special post on Donna’s blog — One Less.
And, now, a special post on my blog because our Holy God has invited us into His work of creating families and redeeming loss in spite of ourselves–Kristen, Rob, me–to see ONE MORE child with a forever family and ONE LESS orphan in the world.
Head on over to Donna’s blog and check out the handsome young man who already has a new name – Ian Jesse Xiaofeng Straight.