My Overthinking

Philly Area mom, Life forever changed by adoption

Archives for July 2011

Bright Ocean

Vacation. Sweet days of sunshine, swimming, a 6 lb. bag of gummi bears, and melting ice cream. And, reading and resting and reflection. 
Today, I stood at the waves edge, holding Lydia’s hand as she giggled and jumped over the surf. And, I thought of Jenna‘s Cooper. 
I have a fascination with names. All of our children have names rich with meaning that we share with them at every opportunity. In just two words (Evan Miles, Ashlyn Kate, Andrew Micah, and Lydia Mei), their names capture how God was speaking to us in that season and our desires for them. 
At this time last year, I emailed my friend Helen who partners with me in Jiayin Designs and learned the meaning of Cooper’s name for the first time–Bright Ocean. This baby boy, born with a very serious heart condition, clung to life in an orphanage in Urumchi in XinJiang province, a city known for being the very furthest from any ocean in a remote area in the very north west of China, likely named by someone who had never seen an ocean and probably never would. 
Bright Ocean. 
As I stood next to that water today, I thought of him. Perhaps he was named that because they idealized the ocean and wanted to name him something full of promise. Perhaps he was named that because they wished he’d one day travel across an ocean to a future. Perhaps he was named that because God knew that it would speak directly to Jenna and confirm to her just when she needed it that he was indeed their son. Regardless, every summer, when I stand on the edge of the bright ocean with my family, I will think of Cooper and be reminded of God’s sovereignty in every detail and of His promises sometimes spoken very simply in quiet ways but are no less powerful than the mighty waves of the bright ocean.

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Nearly 1/2 Way

I don’t even have to look at the calendar. This week, I have had the feeling I seem to get every year. Not exactly mommy guilt, just sort of a sinking sigh of a feeling.

The kind of feeling that makes me ask myself if I am doing enough, have I spent enough time one-on-one with each child, am I laughing enough with them, playing enough games, being the hands-on mom I want to be.

The first weeks of summer seem to be a let-down time for me–no more early mornings racing out the door, no rushing to do drop-offs and pick-ups, no laboring through homework in the evenings, no going through backpacks and reading lots of what seem like the same papers, and making lunches….and on and on. The first weeks of summer mean sleeping in and wearing pajamas well into the day. 

But, laid back days quickly become days of a lot more wii and computer time. And, then I start to feel like the days are just being lost. And, instead of enjoying the kids everyday, I find myself more often playing the role of referee and starting to feel irritated by the even-larger-than-normal piles of laundry that I can’t keep up with and the sink that is never empty of dirty dishes.

So, here I am with my internal body clock telling me we’re about 1/2 way through summer. And, it’s time to get a few things straight.

I’m going to say no less and yes more. I’m going to stop moving and just sit. I’m going to close up the laptop and do one thing at a time. I’m going to wake up earlier and just have quiet awake time. I’m not going to consider Bible study a school year thing. I’m going to be the fun parent too.

I still have work that needs to be done. I still need computer time and kitchen time and laundry time. Can’t let those things go. But, when I have the chance to be present with my kids, I’m going to be present.
I’m going to laugh at Drew’s air guitar and enjoy Evan’s freedom from things that have bound him in the past. I’m going to wrestle Lydia on the floor and skype Ashlyn from the other room, just because she wants to.
And, I’m not going to feel guilty at the end of this summer. I’m not going to be anxious about if I did enough, if I made enough lasting memories with the kids, if I used the time wisely. I’m just not. We don’t have to do something everyday to make a memory.

Here’s to the rest of the summer.

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A Hardy Giveaway

I went from Cow to Queen in less than 24 hours.

Check out what I ate for breakfast…sorry, I know I’m being terribly cruel.

(And, that would be Lydia’s head in the bottom corner as she desperately tried to snag one before I snapped a picture.)
My too-sweet-for-words friend Jenna sent this to me to celebrate the anniversary of our crazy conversations back and forth, trying to find a little boy’s file who was waiting for his family, a little boy who became her son. 
I remember that weekend so clearly. I had been emailing Jenna for a long time as we had both been waiting for our Chinese children for what seemed like forever (both of us starting our adoption journeys in 2007). By July 2010, I was home with Lydia with my arms and heart full. And, Jenna still waited. I saw on a yahoo group that some boys from New Day Foster Home were on the shared list and were waiting…and waiting. I clicked on some links and saw that one of the boys was a little heart baby boy they called “Evan.” And, I knew I needed to email Jenna. 
The rest of the story is not mine to tell. But, you can go here to read more their decision to say yes to Cooper and here to read about their post-referral panic, a post that I think is a really good one for waiting families to read. And, just follow the links on the sidebar to read about their process in making him theirs, a process that was one of God directly speaking to them and guiding them. And, me? Jenna has given me way too much credit. Really, I just got to have a front row seat to watch what God was doing in this family to prepare them to parent the little boy He had had for them all along. And, it doesn’t get much better than that. 
Jenna is hosting a giveaway right now; she’s fun like that. She gets to give stuff away; and she’s doing it this time in support of The Sparrow Fund and the refugee women we support in Kenya. Head on over to this post and enter to win one of two pieces of your choice from the Etsy store The Nest. And, give Jenna some love for me, Queen for the day.
Now, off to eat another strawberry.

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Moo. Moo.

New Years. Valentine’s Day. Easter. Mother’s Day. Father’s Day. Cow Appreciation Day….Yup, we aren’t ashamed to celebrate it yearly.

On my way down to MD to visit my parents on Wednesday, I had a moment of “oh no!” when I got an email reminding me of Cow Appreciation Day which was today. How could I not have marked this on my calendar? There we were with suitcases in tow and no black and white, no yarn tails, no cat or zebra headbands to pretend are bovine. Ashlyn even has a cow patterned dress she could have worn this year.

But, that didn’t stop us.

Lydia was not so sure, but she caught on quickly. This next picture was taken literally a nanosecond after the one above.

The shift manager was a bit of a Cow-Appreciation-Day grinch and would only give my children the 4-piece meals and us the sandwiches free since our costumes were not head to toe realistic. I’m thinking the high school girl there in a plush cow costume complete with horns and bell set the bar a bit too high.

So sorry for these folks who didn’t get the email message and had to pay for their lunches.

After 3 days of a mini-vacation at my parents complete with Mr. Popper’s Penguins, Cheeseburgers in Paradise, playground and sprinkler play, setting up Mom’s new ipad2, and watching shows on my parents’ humungous tv, we headed home this evening after a quick dinner.

About 90 minutes into the trip, the kids were starving. So….

Wait….

Got it.

Yup. I’m a brave bovine indeed.

A n d,   I ‘ m   a b o u t   5  p o u n d s   h e a v i e r.

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