Planet of the Turtles/Tortoise

It all started with these two.

Our three gifts for Christmas include a gold gift, the pies de resistance. And, for Christmas 2013, the boys’ gold gifts were these little guys (which we later discovered were actually gals).

Yup. The little one there chomping on the weeds in my yard is named Jones. She’s a she despite her name (named after Indy, of course). I got that little lady off Craigslist from a middle school boy whose mom told him he had to sell off part of his zoo. $25 and a 45-minute drive got me a Western box turtle with tank, heat rock, light, and so forth for my middle school boy. But, the thing was…it was like September when I got him…and Christmas is in December. So, little Miss Shell moved into my laundry room for the fall because my children would never dare go in there. In fact, I’m pretty sure they don’t know the laundry room in the basement even exists and that the tooth fairy visits their rooms occasionally to deliver their clothes clean again.

As I was mysteriously taking pieces of tomato and such downstairs every so often, it dawned on me that the other boy would really like one of these things too for his gold gift. So, back on Craigslist I went where I saw that someone had an Eastern box turtle who needed a new home…but they lived about 90 minutes away…but very near my sister. So, my brother-in-law went on mission to pick up the above larger turtle from a very nice man who was happy to hand it off to a new home for free. A late night drive to meet up with my sister and another turtle (now Timber named after the struggle Mark and I had bringing the tank up the stairs Christmas day) had moved into my laundry room.

Christmas morning did not disappoint as the boys went bonkers over their new roommates and all they came with. And, while the girls were excited about their gold gifts as well, theirs weren’t breathing. And, apparently, breathing gold gifts are all the rage. It didn’t take long for the girls to start begging for a boy box turtle to call their own because…of course…no turtle farm is complete without turtle eggs (and not just eggs, fertilized eggs…because we have also learned through experience that female turtles will lay eggs but that’s all they will ever be without a boy turtle to finish the job).

So, this mama did what any turtle-loving and child-loving mama would do. I put an ad on Craigslist titled: Desperately seeking box turtle. I got a few responses from people over time–most, however, had some cute shelled creatures they were offering up but no male box turtles. We even had a Facebook crowd following along (aka. thinking I had lost my mind) helping us hunt one down. But, alas, no male box turtle.

Then, at the end of last week, something magical happened and an email was delivered into my inbox.

We have a Russian Tortoise named Fiona that needs a new home. She loves attention and will eat from your hand. I can send a photo if interested. Michelle

I’m not kidding. Her name was Michelle.

So, yes, photos were sent. And, despite the fact that Fiona is seemingly yet another female and unable to breed with box turtles anyway, we welcomed her into our family. I mean, how could we not? She was free. And, despite what you may think, she is pretty cute…and very hard to photograph with her new turtle friends.

Turtles sorta do this (note Timber bolting for the great wild).

unless you do this and sorta hold onto them. Believe me when I say they are shockingly fast and we’re all not surprised at all that the tortoise beat the hare.

We met Michelle half way to assume custody. And, we also got this massive tank complete with everything a tortoise could ever want, extra bedding, a bag of organic farm-raised vegetables that are reported to be her favorite and bottled water, a heat lamp and cold UV lamp, and special nutrient rich food for extra treats. And, I may have seen a tear in Michelle’s eye as she explained Fiona’s (now Aslan) preference for women and how she bats her eyes at a gentle voice spoken to her directly.

Oh, dear Fiona, now Aslan, I’m sorry you have left Club Med and have now entered the Raudy house where you are being trained with a bell (not kidding) and will get a whole lot of attention from this little one in particular…and I’m fairly certain it won’t be in a gentle voice.

But, she’ll love on you a whole lot because you are way more engaging than her Lego turtle she insisted on bringing outside with the others for some exercise (and it apparently has laser vision).

Wonder if I can find one more turtle on Craigslist?