• Home
  • Blog
  • The Sparrow Fund
    • Together Called
    • We Are Grafted In blog
    • Speaking
  • Jiayin
  • Contact

My Overthinking

Philly Area mom, Life forever changed by adoption

  • Home
  • Blog
  • The Sparrow Fund
    • Together Called
    • We Are Grafted In blog
    • Speaking
  • Jiayin
  • Contact

For Pastors on Mother’s Day…

5.6.14

for pastor's on mother's dayThis Sunday is Mother’s Day. I know you know that already. It’s been on your calendar all year.

Moms are going to fill your pews this Sunday wearing pretty dresses. Some will have been served breakfast in bed. Some will have received bouquets of flowers already that morning. Some will be looking forward to children coming home that day to take them out for lunch. Some will be anticipating phone calls, hugs, kisses, crayon drawings, and homemade cards.

But, Mother’s Day isn’t always that pretty.

There will be women sitting before you this Sunday who are aching to become mothers. Some of those women are struggling to make it day-by-day as they endure infertility treatment. Some of those women are single and long to be married and wonder if they will ever have the joy of being a mother.

There will be some women sitting before you this Sunday who are mothers but not parents, women who have placed children in other families to be raised by other mothers. They may not look or feel like mothers; they may struggle to define who they are.

There will be some women sitting before you this Sunday who were mothers for a short time and didn’t consider themselves that at all, women who ended their pregnancies and motherhood through an abortion and now wonder what life would have been like had they made another choice and chosen life for their child.

There will be some women sitting before you this Sunday who are broken mothers, mothers whose relationships with their children are strained at best, mothers who haven’t spoken to their grown children in months or even years, mothers whose children are in rehab or prison or who knows where.

There will be some mothers sitting before you this Sunday who are divorced from their children’s father and who are tired, so very tired, whose little ones may not even know it’s Mother’s Day at all.

There will be people sitting before you this Sunday who have lost their mothers and people who still have their mothers but have been hurt by them.

And, all those people? They’ve had Mother’s Day on their calendars all year too. But, they aren’t coming to church dressed in their prettiest clothes ready to stand to be recognized. Instead, they wonder if they should come at all. Some are ashamed. Some are resentful. Some are full of grief. Some are angry at the mothers around them, you for pointing them out, and God Himself. Some are simply sad and have already put tissues in their purses in anticipation of the day.

The ones coming to church in their best with smiles on their faces really don’t need to stand for recognition or be publicly thanked. They’ll get all that elsewhere. It’s the others who need you this Sunday. Speak for them.

To the women who are celebrating this Mother’s Day as mothers for the first time, know that we celebrate with you. 

To the women who serve day in and day out to little ones, cleaning noses and bottoms and sippy cups and car seats, know that we applaud you and support you.

To the women who work outside the home to provide for their families, know that we honor you for all that you carry.

To the women who have been celebrated by their families already today or will be later today, know that we take joy in that with you.

To the women who are not yet mothers and who long to be, whose hearts are heavy with that desire today, know that we walk with you through whatever God calls you to today and for days to come.

To the women who wonder what life would be like if they were mothering now the child who could have been theirs, know that we want to hold your hand and encourage you.

To the women who are separated relationally with painful distance between you and your children, know that we hurt with you and pray for reconciliation and trust for you that there is hope for just that.

To the women who are mothers here who haven’t had the recognition from their children and feel forgotten, know that we remember you.

To those who have been hurt by their mothers in some way, who find this day a painful reminder of that hurt, know that we acknowledge your pain and want to offer hope for restoration to you.

To those who are watching their mothers grow older and change or who are grieving the loss of their mothers, know that we grieve with you and pray for comfort for you.

It’s a big day—Mother’s Day. It’s your challenge…privilege…to communicate God’s love to everyone in your church this Sunday as is your call every Sunday. As you do that, HE will meet each one just where they are and speak the words they need to hear.

No related posts.

Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: parenthood, words about faith

Changed by broken walls

4.6.14

It was never an easy journey to get there.

old location parking lot1

When I said we wanted to visit her orphanage in 2010 when we were there to adopt her, we met resistance. It was too far. The train was too fast for a child. We would be too tired. We would bring germs from America. We wouldn’t want to go. But, that’s where they were wrong. I was determined to go, determined to physically enter into her history even if only for a moment. And so, we went. We drove about 3 hours there to stand at the gate, walk across the grounds, allow the ayis who knew our child infinitely more than we did to dote on our baby, and take lots of pictures.

old location playground1

I had never been more aware of my foreignity as I was at that moment. We were out of place, standing among ayis speed talking in a language only unrecognizable to the two of us. They pointed at us and spoke freely, knowing we would stand still in front of them and smile regardless of what they said. We watched as our new baby responded in a way we could not. She wasn’t a stranger there; they knew her and she knew them. We were the strangers surrounded by grey cement walls and dusty ground. The only thing I felt connected to there were the very walls themselves. I tried desperately to grab hold of something to take home with us, not even knowing really what, while the walls seemed to desperately present themselves as cheerful with some colorful cardboard cut outs stuck to them for now until the next rainfall would turn them into more dust on the ground. I cried. It sorta felt like the grey, tiled walls were crying too.

old location window1

When I said I wanted to visit the location of the old orphanage a few weeks ago, I met resistance. It was too far. We would be too tired. It wasn’t safe. We wouldn’t want to go. And, while I had been determined to get there, I was willing to let it go. I had already been given so much, and it wasn’t the reason why I came.

When the driver pulled our van over and pointed to the right, my heart stopped for a moment.

There I was again, standing at a new gate that looked 50 years old already, looking at what used to be.

Baoji orphanage old location edited1

Most of the walls that had cried along with me four years ago were no more. I stood looking at what was in front of me and cried alone.

It’s China. Buildings are built and torn down and built again to be torn down again. It’s a seemingly never-ending cycle of building and destruction. Standing witness to it before me, I didn’t feel like the foreigner I had four years ago. Everything was different now. At the very moment I stood crying on Bao Ping Road, my daughter who had been there, who had lived behind those gates and inside those broken walls, was sleeping soundly beside her sister in a warm bed in the place she knows and I know as home.

I saw a picture of adoption that day in the form of broken walls and a quiet construction site.

They gave us a bag of dirt the day we received our daughter in March 2010. The director handed us a little bag of stones and dust from the grounds of the orphanage. I thought it was nice, thoughtful, a memento for her to have as she got older. We put it in a special box for her along with the clothes she came to us in and other special things. Now that gift means something entirely different. It is not a memento; it’s a monument. It gently says:

Those walls that were the only home you knew need to come down now. Let God turn them to dust, as hard as that may be, so that He can build new walls, strong walls, walls that will not crumble, walls where you will never be alone. It’s never an easy journey to get there; but, stone by stone, brick by brick, while it may be a painstaking journey, you can get there. Accept this gift so that you always remember your story and so that you can trace the work of the Repairer of Broken Walls, the Restorer of Crumbling Dwellings, the One who makes beautiful things out of stones, dirt, and dust.

No related posts.

Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: adoption, China, words about faith

My psalm of response

3.17.14

Kelly in park with fave

O Lord, Sovereign God, maker of all things, sustainer of life.
You know all things; nothing exists that you do not know.
But, you don’t stop there. You don’t just know all things; you are engaged with all things.
You are always present, always active, always working.

Lord, it was you who nudged me. It was you who stirred my spirit.
It was you who gently led me and fully provided.
It was you who picked me up and carried me across the world as your ambassador.
It was you who whispered encouragement in my ear and into my heart and upheld me.

You said, “This is my servant. I am her God. I delight in her,” proving yourself faithful not because of who I am but because of who you are.
Your song over me and your joy in me sustained me when my knees were weak and lifted my spirit when I was weary.

You led me on a path I did not know, a path I thought would bring your light to a dark place.
But, that path led me to you, father to the fatherless, companion to the lonely, the One true friend to the seeking.
You were already there, already at work, already drying tears and healing broken hearts.
You were already closing the gaps on tiny lips and in people’s lives.

You don’t need me to bring you there. You don’t need me to be a savior.
I lay down before you knowing I am unable, aware of my frailty and my own need to be saved.
But, you lift me up and welcome me as your child to be a part my Father’s work.
You invite me to love with my heart, head, and hands despite of myself.

You are higher than the mountains, louder than the cries of humanity, bigger than the greatest walls man can build.
You show compassion to those without a family and those who grieve not cradling their children.
You guide the hands of even those who do not yet know you to do your work. You give glimpses of you.
How can I not know you more, crave you more, love you more?

O Lord, Sovereign God, maker of all things, sustainer of life.
You know all things; nothing exists that you do not know.
Thank you for calling me, saving me, loving me, using me.
You are the only sovereign Lord, and I am your servant.

China group shot

China picture

Kelly holding child

No related posts.

Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: China, Orphans, words about faith

Love {Examine your heart today}

2.14.14

You’d think that love was innate if you’ve walked through any store this month. Red and pink, hearts, and chocolate—they’re everywhere. It’s tradition and makes it look like everybody loves at least one somebody somewhere.

But, love isn’t about red cellophane wrapped boxes. It’s not even a warm feeling or that draw to someone. It’s not desire that makes your cheeks blush. And, it’s most definitely not innate to us even though catchy songs and greeting cards say it is. What’s innate to us is love for ourselves; we’re real good at that. In fact, I’m an expert at that. But, love for someone else? That’s something we have to choose and practice because it’s not our nature at all to do that well.

1 Corinthians 13—the love chapter—is there for a reason. It’s to teach us what love looks like because we need to know. If it were natural to us, if we were good at it, the whole list we recognize from cross-stitch samplers and wedding programs would likely be a lot different or not there at all. But, we need the how-to manual here as well as the reminder that we can do the impossible and truly love because He first loved us. After all, His life is the how-to manual. And, because of that love, His love for us, we are able to love even when it’s hard and we just don’t feel like it. And, let’s face it; on any given day, loving my husband and loving my children and my bigger family and my neighbor and sister in Christ and onward seems nearly impossible. Some days, I just plain wanna give up because I feel so inept at it. But, there is grace; thankfully, His grace abounds.

Today, I’m examining my own heart and taking a closer look at the manual, filling in the blanks in my own life. It’s not to give myself a love report card—”Well, I got a D in putting aside jealousy, but I got an A- in intentionally honoring…so…” It’s more of a tool to focus my will so that when I’m faced with the choice to love myself or love another as I am countless times every day, I may actually think and call out a prayer—”Because of your love, I got this.”—and choose to love the way He’s called us to love.

___________________________________________

Because of His love, I can put aside my agenda and be patient with __________.
Because of His love, I can make an effort and be kind to __________.
Because of His love, I can have joy for someone else and put aside jealousy of __________.
Because of His love, I do not need to build myself up and brag about __________.
Because of His love, I can put aside arrogance when it comes to __________.
Because of His love, I can intentionally honor __________.
Because of His love, I do not need to insist on my own way when it comes to __________.
Because of His love, I can choose contentment rather than resentment when it comes to __________.
Because of His love, I will give grace and overlook __________.
Because of His love, I will not keep a mental file cabinet, remembering the wrongs of __________.
Because of His love, I will not take pleasure when I see faults in __________.
Because of His love, I will rejoice when I see goodness and truth growing in __________.
Because of His love, I choose to keep on keeping on and endure hard things for __________.
Because of His love, I choose to believe the impossible for __________.
Because of His love, I choose to not look back when it isn’t helpful but look forward in hope for __________.

1 Corinthians 13

 

No related posts.

Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: words about faith

  • « Previous Page
  • 1
  • …
  • 4
  • 5
  • 6
  • 7
  • 8
  • …
  • 14
  • Next Page »

Hello

I overthink everything. This blog is a prime example. Make yourself a cup of coffee and sit down for a read. Actually, make that a pot of coffee. There’s a lot of overthinking here.

Connect

Recent Posts

She’s come a long way

Gift ideas for a happy-China-traveler-to-be

Three gifts.

A letter to my friend on her adoption eve

The day my husband quit his job {reflections 5 years later}

Subscribe to keep up to date via a newsletter

Archives

Popular Posts

  • The day we met Lydia in Xi'an
  • Getting the attachment thing
  • The day my husband quit his job
  • Other places you can find my writing

Follow Along!

Categories

Recent Posts

She’s come a long way

Gift ideas for a happy-China-traveler-to-be

Copyright © 2015 | Design by Dinosaur Stew