My Overthinking

Philly Area mom, Life forever changed by adoption

New Year’s Eve Prayers

It’s a big year, Lord. He’s the oldest in the school. I can’t believe it. Thank you, Lord, for whoever it was who decided to ask Evan to be on the safety patrol this year. Use that experience to grow his confidence and give him something to be excited about. Give him friendships in his class this year as his two buddies are in different classes. Give him success, and protect his gentle spirit.

Lord, this girl loves learning; I know she’s going to do well in third grade this year. While she’s mastering academics, continue to give her an increased sensitivity to eternal things as well. And, give me discernment as her mother to know how to shepherd her. Give Ashlyn friendships this year that she can enjoy. And, use Ashlyn as a blessing to her teacher and her classmates.

Oh, Lord, it’s Drew’s first year gone from home for a full school day. He’s excited, and I guess I’m excited for him. But, I’m a little sad too. Give me confirmation that he’s where he should be. As he eats lunch away from home for the first time, give him confidence and calm any anxiety he may feel. Give him compassion for the kids in his class who don’t know the school like he does and may feel sad over the next couple weeks, and use him to show them your love even in a first-grader sort of way. Give him success as he learns how to read more and more, and help me to know how to encourage him and make sure he knows how loved he is. 

Thank you, Lord, that Lydia and I will have so much time together as the kids are at school. I pray that that time blesses her and me both individually and corporately and that she doesn’t miss her brothers and sister too much or feel left behind. Grow my patience as I mother her everyday. Grow my skills and strategies to mother her the way she needs me to. Help her to know that she is a treasure and that we don’t want to rush her “growing bigger and bigger and bigger.” 
Lord, be with us this new year. Make your presence ever known. Help us to see you more clearly and increase our desire to know you–not know about you but know you. 

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Kelly, the mother Jesus loves

There’s a message God wanted me to hear. And, a woman—Beth Templeton, adoptive mom and gifted teacher–got to deliver it in the presence of 450 other women.

How’s that for a personal lesson?

John. Author of 5 books in the New Testament. The only disciple who was with Jesus from the beginning of His ministry, present during His crucifixion, and witness to His Resurrection.

In his Gospel, one of the books he wrote inspired by God, he calls himself the disciple whom Jesus loved. No less than 5 times (13:23, 19:26, 20:2, 21:7, 21:20)

Why did he do this?

Sorta sounds prideful, maybe boastful. Was John an egotist? Did he simply think so highly of himself that he had to rub it in that he was the one who Christ loved?

This is John—the only disciple who did not run away or hide from authorities when persecution and conviction from the Roman Oppressers and the Jewish Pharisees and Sadducees were rumbling towards them.

Take a look at a few of the other words of John. This man knew about love. In fact, in his three short letters, he made more than 25 references to love. 1 John 4:7-10 says, “Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.”

John was more conscious of Jesus’ love for him than he was of his love for Jesus.

And, that’s the message I needed to hear.

Because, here’s the thing, my love for Jesus? It’s not really that great. It’s in constant, weak, unfaithful, changing, unpredictable. It’s often self-seeking, at times subtly so and other times quite obviously.

But, Jesus’ love for me? Now, that’s great. In fact, it’s perfect. It’s full. It’s utterly complete, not lacking in anything. It’s constant and faithful, never changing and totally dependable.

And, that’s what I want to be thinking about.

“This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.”

And, I’m thinking that as I become more conscious of that love, I may just find that my love is becoming more perfect in the process.

So, I’m claiming it.

I’m the mother Jesus loves.

And, I now have a beautiful physical reminder of that personal message delivered just to me. Kim made it for me. I printed it and framed it in a chalkboard frame so I can add some extra messages there if I need some specific reminders that day. She made me another one too. My family may be finding little notes all over the house.

You know, you are the mother Jesus loves too. So, you just let me know if you want some reminders for your loved self too. Kim has volunteered to personalize these images for a donation of $5 or more to The Sparrow Fund. So cool.

Go ahead, claim His love with me. 

And, if you want a little more to read about God’s thoughts about mothers in particular, head over here for a read about 8 mothers from the Bible and how God loved on them.

(p.s. 10 more days to enter the two giveaways I got goin’ on. Please check them out)

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He is There

Christmas 2009. Only 2 Christmases ago. I was a wreck. We were so close to being matched with our new child. I just knew it would be a few weeks after Christmas.

And, that meant that though I didn’t know who she was or where exactly she was, what she looked like or how old she was. I knew she was. I knew she was somewhere across the world, alone for Christmas, what was her first Christmas.

And, though I was anxious and wondering and thinking all the time about her, there was something that gave me great peace.

God was there.

Read Luke 2:6-20. Luke mentioned the manger three times. Why?

The manger was messy. It wasn’t what we picture–a wooden contraption with a sweet bed of hay. It was more like a box looking thing or basin made out of clay mixed with hay or stones and held together with mud. All kinds of food for animals were put in it, not just nice yellow hay. It was dirty, maybe moldy, smelly.

And, God was there. 

As spunky and full of life as Lydia is now, it wasn’t that long ago that she was in a pretty messy place. I believe her orphanage was one of the better ones–her needs were met. There were windows with natural light in the room where she lived 24-7. In that room were 40 cribs, but there were also some toys. But, there were older children in that orphanage too, children we weren’t allowed to see. And, I wonder what their days were like.

I’ve heard a lot of stories–about adopted children who flinch when someone moves their direction in fear that they will be hit; children who were never held, children who have come to accept that no one wants to bring home a child their age, only babies; children who suffer consequences from not having the medical treatment they needed earlier.

And, yet, I believe God is there.

God is not only not afraid to get his feet dirty; He is about getting His feet dirty.

Psalm 34:18 tells us He’s close to the brokenhearted. I can only imagine that He is very close indeed to brokenhearted children, whether they are aware of their brokenness or not. He’s there.

I prayed for our daughter 2 Christmases ago, that He would be close to her, that He would remain close to her. That He would be tangibly felt in that room where she slept. That He would wrap His arms around her when she was cold. That He’d rock her when she needed comfort. That He’d be in the manger with her. 
I know He was there.

And, somehow, in the dark places of orphanages around the world, I can’t explain how or what He always looks like there, but I believe that He’s there. In the warmth of the sun pouring in the windows, He comforted my child. In the smile of a nanny. In the gaze of another orphan. In the provision sent by charities around the world. In her broken heart. 
Somehow, He was there.
And, right now, tonight, as my children play with nativity figures and count the stars on our Christmas tree, He is here…and, He is there, somehow making an unholy place, holy.
That’s what He’s about.

photos courtesy of KC Photography

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Celebrating Mother’s Day

It was a good question to help our kids feel loved. I get that.

“Go around and introduce your child and then say I love her because ____________”

I had about 30 seconds until I was up. I knew how I wanted to answer for each one of my kids. But, I wasn’t sure if I should “break the rules.” See, I have a fundamental issue with that question.

“This is David, and I love him because he’s really smart.”
“This is Emily, and I love her because she’s so kind and caring.”

I’m up. And, I played along.
“This is Drew, and I love him because he’s so silly and funny. And, this is Ashlyn, and I love her because she’s so helpful. And, this is Lydia, and I love her because she is mine.”

And, isn’t that how I should have answered it for all of them.

I recognize the need for my children to be affirmed—probably because I recognize my own need to be affirmed. Can you sense my husband’s head nodding through cyberspace? I have been known to ask, “Do you love me?” “Yes, I love you.” “But, what do you love about me?” It sounds self-centered—but he knows what I mean. I just want those words of affirmation.

But, what we were asked to answer had a fundamental flaw.

I don’t love Drew because he’s silly and funny. I don’t love Ashlyn because she’s helpful. I don’t love Evan because he’s sensitive and gentle. I don’t love Lydia because of her warmth or how she lights up a room. I don’t.

I love them because I’ve been called to love them. God has given them to me; and, in so doing, He has given me the very significant calling to love them. Sometimes my calling as a mother is easier than other times. But, regardless, I’m still called to love.

And, when I step back to consider my calling as a mother, I can’t help but think about God’s love for me as my heavenly Father. He doesn’t love me because of anything I do well. He doesn’t love me because I love Him. He loves me because I am His. Period. How would He have completed that sentence about me?

This Mother’s Day, I don’t want to celebrate me. (Yes, dear husband, despite how I’ve declared the entire weekend, Mother’s Day Weekend, I’m being honest.) Instead, I’m celebrating my calling, my calling to love these 4 children who call me Mama. I know I don’t always fulfill that calling well. In fact, I very often fail and feel unequipped and unable to do it well. But, I’m thankful that I have the best model of motherhood before me—a love that loves even when I turn away, a love that pursues me and advocates for me, a love that does not change when I change, and a love that whispers in my ear, “I love you because you are mine.”

But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. Titus 3:4-5a

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