• Home
  • Blog
  • The Sparrow Fund
    • Together Called
    • We Are Grafted In blog
    • Speaking
  • Jiayin
  • Contact

My Overthinking

Philly Area mom, Life forever changed by adoption

  • Home
  • Blog
  • The Sparrow Fund
    • Together Called
    • We Are Grafted In blog
    • Speaking
  • Jiayin
  • Contact

Dear Lydia, two years later

3.29.12

Dear Lydia,
Today is a special day. I know you don’t remember it, but you know it well; you’ve watched the video over and over again, so many times you may think you remember it. 
I remember it very clearly, sweet girl. My heart was beating out of my chest as we crossed that street and entered a cold office building with great expectations of meeting you. I was nervous. I was scared. But, I wanted you so much. I was overwhelmed that day–you took my breath away when you entered the room in your ayi’s arms. And, I am not sure when I actually caught my breath again. 
Two years later, as I consider this day, I find myself thinking more about your experience of it than my own. Your life changed that day, Lydia Mei. You were the child God had called us to adopt into our family, the one we had planned for and dreamed about for years. But, I recognize that there is more to today.
You are young now, only 3 years old. Your days are filled with jumping, dancing, climbing, falling down, and laughing, playing with your brothers and sister, testing boundaries, and learning about how things work and why things are the way they are. We talk about China and what makes us different and what makes us the same. But, right now, you don’t care much about it. 
As time goes on, we will keep on talking about China and showing you pictures and dreaming aloud because I want you to know that when you do care about it, I’m here. When you have questions that are hard to ask and maybe even harder to answer, I’m here. I will be honest with you as I’m able, and I’ll be quiet and simply be with you when no words seem right. 
Two years ago today, we held you for the first time and started to get to know you as our beloved daughter. But, you were already a precious treasure before we met you, before we even knew your face. You are His masterpiece, Lydia, from the very beginning.
With a full heart,
Mama

No related posts.

Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: adoption, Celebrations, Lydia

I know I said I’d end this tradition

3.13.12

I know, I know. Last year, I said this wouldn’t happen again.

I can defend myself. 
Yes, it was my suggestion. But, she said she wanted to do it. She even put a teeny bit on her nose herself. For some reason, when Mark added to that teeny bit, well, she lost it. And, I took pictures. 
I had to. 
It’s tradition.
2nd birthday.
(makes me smile that she is still wearing this top.)

And, 1st birthday. 
(and, yes, their cake totally trumps mine.)
You know what she said when all the trauma was over? 
“That was funny!” 
Not even kidding.

No related posts.

Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: Celebrations, Lydia

And then she was 3

3.11.12


3 years old. 
Sometimes, like when we see her 25 lb. frame and still give her a “hot big bottle” at wake up and bedtime, she still seems so much like a baby.
Other times, like when she says “Really?” or “Awesome!” or works her way around the iPad, it seems like she’s just one of the other kids, ready to take on the world.
Thankfully, the world will wait. Because this 3 year old will be holding onto the apron strings a bit longer, even if we have to hold her hands on their ourselves. She may be little Miss “I do, I do” but she’s also Little Miss “Hold me, Hold me.” 
And, for now, that’s totally alright by me. 
Because, she’s my baby. And, days are fleeting.
Celebrating in style with the “riding horsey” cake that I was pretty darn proud of. The chocolate boulders really made the cake.

Out of focus, I know. But, the look on her 3-year-old face while we sang happy birthday is just too much.

Happy birthday, sweet baby. So glad we can spend them with you.

No related posts.

Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: Celebrations, Lydia

When will I not think about it

2.29.12

I am so tired right now. Waking up at odd hours several nights in a row will do that to you (thank you, two youngest children). So, if my words become incomprehensible, well, I’m blaming lack of sleep…or more like interrupted sleep which to me might as well mean crazy sleep deprivation.

4am this morning. Lydia starts crying, not the kind of crying you can hope just quiets on its own. I mean, screaming crying, calling our names, “I’m 100% awake” kind of crying. For the third night in a row, I somehow managed to remove myself from our bed to go in there. And, I wasn’t happy about it.

I wanted her to stop. crying.

“want Mama’s bed, want Daddy’s bed. No crib.”

And, I just didn’t want to do it. For all those cosleepers out there…bless you. It’s not for me. The only person I’m cosleeping with is the one I married.

I knew it would make her fall right back asleep and quit the crying that somehow seems like it’s a 12 on a scale of 1 to 10 when it’s at 4am. It worked all the other nights.

But, I just didn’t want to do it. again. and then again and again. I see what’s happening here. I changed her, held for a few seconds, put her back in her crib crying, and made her a little warm bottle. And, then left her in there while I went back to bed.

A few minutes later, she was quiet.

But, right away, my thoughts were not–did I do the right thing? If she’s crying to come be with us, should I have let her? What kind of message am I sending? Should I have laid on her floor next to her for a while until she was quiet? Did I just reinforce anti attachment thinking? Did I mess this up?

It’ll be 2 years in April since she’s been home with us. And, I’m overthinking about when I won’t be overthinking attachment stuff. When can I just be and not have to worry about damaging effects on our attachment or sending the wrong message?

…

She woke up happy, totally fine, totally attached this morning…though her interrupted sleep seems to have caused her to be overly exhausted for her nap this afternoon which led me to put her down crying…again…

No related posts.

Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: adoption, Lydia

  • « Previous Page
  • 1
  • …
  • 12
  • 13
  • 14
  • 15
  • 16
  • …
  • 27
  • Next Page »

Hello

I overthink everything. This blog is a prime example. Make yourself a cup of coffee and sit down for a read. Actually, make that a pot of coffee. There’s a lot of overthinking here.

Connect

Recent Posts

She’s come a long way

Gift ideas for a happy-China-traveler-to-be

Three gifts.

A letter to my friend on her adoption eve

The day my husband quit his job {reflections 5 years later}

Subscribe to keep up to date via a newsletter

Archives

Popular Posts

  • The day we met Lydia in Xi'an
  • Getting the attachment thing
  • The day my husband quit his job
  • Other places you can find my writing

Follow Along!

Categories

Recent Posts

She’s come a long way

Gift ideas for a happy-China-traveler-to-be

Copyright © 2015 | Design by Dinosaur Stew