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My Overthinking

Philly Area mom, Life forever changed by adoption

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Laverne Grove {my very own Vivian Maier}

11.6.13

Do you know Vivian Maier? She’s quite possibly the most significant American street photographer of the 20th century, documenting early Americana with a modern eye. Her photos are nothing short of remarkable.

59-567

She was a nanny in the 1950s and lived alone in her older age. She kept to herself, never showing her photographs to anyone and leaving 100,000 negatives in her apartment when she died. In 2007, a man purchased a box of never-seen, never-developed film negatives of an unknown ‘amateur’ photographer for $380 at his local auction house. And, Vivian Maier became a legend.

Not too long ago, I received a brown envelope in the mail addressed to me in swirly ink. There was a note attached written on snowman paper despite the warm temperatures from Aunt Verne, my grandmother’s sister, my mother’s aunt, a 93-year-old woman who defined glamour in the 1950s and still carries that today.

I was reviewing some of my material from long ago. Two years of expository writing and two years of the survey of English literature at the Johns Hopkins University. I enjoyed those years and I’m sorry I did not continue my attempt at writing. I’m sending you a copy of the poetry I wrote for the English lit course and would appreciate your critique.

I held in my hands a collection of handwritten and typed poetry and prose. There are remnants of correction tape leftover from when Aunt Thelma made a mistake typing for her sister or when Aunt Verne felt inspired to change a word here or there. And, I started to read.

vivian

There I was holding my very own Vivian-like treasure but in the form of words from my own great aunt. I didn’t stop reading until every word was complete, giving me a bit of a photograph of Baltimore in the early 1970s and of my aunt’s heart. I called her right away and asked her for more, asked her why she didn’t keep writing, and asked her to start again. She laughed and recalled details about her professor and the evening classes she took as if she was a school girl telling me about last semester. She promised she’d try to write again. And, I promised I’d read every word.

With her express permission, I’m sharing one of my favorites here so that she doesn’t have to wait any longer to be “published.”

__________________________

Vacation Dilemma

I

My spouse and I sat down one day
to discuss some pertinent facts.
While ideally happy we both agreed
there’s something this union lacks.
Twenty-five years have past so fast;
we hardly knew they were going.
We both look great in all this time,
our age is scarcely showing.
We’ve done all the things psychiatrists say
all married people should do.
Both have shown love and kindness alike;
both have been tried and true.

II

Let’s take a new look at togetherness.
Let’s take a different view.
What has pleased me may not in the end
have been very pleasing to you.
The summer approached. We both made our plans
to go our separate way.
I chose New York—the opera and art.
He had some golf to play.
Reservations were made. Tickets were bought.
I couldn’t wait to get started.
His bags were packed. His buddies were called.
Now, it was time that we parted.

III

It’s true that the opera and museums of art
were a fantastic and breathtaking sight,
But, there was no one for me to tell all this to
when I returned to my room late at night.
While golfing was great, the greens slick and fast,
the food was just marvelous too,
There were only the guys who had been there all day.
As a partner, they just would not do.
So, the telephone and mail played a big part
in keeping us constantly in touch.
We agreed we had lots to relate to each other.
Was it really and truly that much?

IV

After weeks of this nonsense of separate vacations,
at last, we returned to our home.
Pretending we both had a fabulous time
by spending these two weeks alone.
Vacations are greater when they’re spent together.
We’re through with these different ways.
Call us “middle America”—that’s not so bad.
Who cares how the Jet-Set plays?
You learn a few lessons throughout your short life,
though you suffer the ache and the pain.
We’ve made a great choice—reservations for two;
we’re spending the next month in Spain.

Vivian Maier

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Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: Extended Family

First Annual Family Day {Prayer & Encouragement}

3.17.13

My dad sent an email out weeks ago with the subject line “Time Together.” It started like this:

I know that it is important for us to have time together to really hear from each other, to celebrate God’s work in our lives and to pray together. It would be wonderful if this really became a high priority for all of us together. It will never happen unless we work at it together…

He wrote. He asked. And, we heard. Reply-alls were sent passing around dates until we found a Saturday that would work for my parents and the three sisters and three husbands and all nine grandchildren. And, we gathered together as a family complete with a scheduled agenda emailed out to us ahead of time which included a list of helpful ways to prepare (like prepping our kids to share a bit about their lives).

short family prayers day of prayer prayer for family

The men talked.

The women chatted and crafted silhouette pictures of our families (which were so easy and turned out beautifully, by the way. All we did was take side profile pictures of the children, print them out on plain paper, cut them out carefully with card stock stapled to the print out, and glue them onto white card stock to fit in the frame. It’s amazing how a shape cut out of black paper looks identical to my children).

silhouette pictures

The kids cut out and decorated targets to use with marshmallow shooters my parents dreamed up out of plastic cups and deflated balloons (did my mom hit up Pinterest or something?). Note: I think more marshmallows were popped in mouths than actually shot.

short family prayers a day of prayer prayer for the family
short family prayers a day of prayer prayer for the family

And, when all the fun and crafting was done and lots of good food eaten, we spent some time sharing and praying. Each child shared a bit about what’s going on in their lives right now, concerns they had, things worrying them, things they were excited about. We heard about everything from PSSAs to baseball to depleting rain forests. And, each child was prayed for aloud right then and there, lifting up those personal things they shared. Then, while the kids watched a movie, the couples did the same, each one of us sharing what God has been doing in our lives lately and what we’re dreaming about, what we’re fearful about, and how to pray for us.

And, we prayed…for a while. I think we may have even gotten a bit off of that published schedule. But, it was all good. Because my dad was right, days like this don’t happen unless we work at it. And, it’s pretty important as we “desire to see our family function together to bring honor to the Lord.”

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Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: Extended Family, Traditions

Snippets of Christmas

12.29.12

Having one wake up with a high fever and proceed to vomit on you…three times over by the end of the day…doesn’t lend itself to the merriest of Christmases. But, somehow, the spirit of the day allows a mother to overlook having Christmas vomit and toy packaging flesh wounds to simply enjoy the day and the fun that being together and giving gifts and celebrating Jesus can bring.

The gold gifts of the horse playset and the electric scooters were a real hit. Heard Ashlyn say today as the three-man scooter mafia took over the ‘hood, “This is the best gold gift ever!”
And, I may just relive my own childhood dreams and sneak out during naptimes with Ashlyn’s new metal detector. Anyone else looking forward to using some of their kids’ new gifts? 
It’s a shame my mom didn’t plan to have enough food for the crowd. I’m sure folks went to bed hungry. 
And, Christmas wouldn’t be complete with the pseudo mean old Uncle who promises 8 children that if all of them are silent for 15 minutes, each will get $5 cash and then tries tricking them into making noise. Good thing Lydia was sick in bed or she woulda totally wrecked this for them all, no doubt.
Now that I know they can actually physically do this, life is changed. “You absolutely can wait here for 10 more minutes. I know you can because you sat still and quiet for 15 minutes last Christmas!” Oh yeah, I’m totally using this to my advantage. 

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Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: Extended Family, holidays

Overthinking on Fathers’ Day

6.17.12

There is a reason Disney movies are wildly successful, a reason beyond crazy realistic animation and multimillion dollar marketing. Before all that, there were what you might call the simple classics–Snow White, Cinderella, The Sword in the Stone…

There’s something all these movies, stories, share. There’s a hero and someone who needs a hero.

I believe we were all created with a longing for a hero.

Growing up, we moved a lot with my dad on Young Life staff. New houses. New schools. New friends. Even new pets from year to year. But, no matter where we lived, the three girls in our family played ball. It was sort of the one stable thing I can remember. I think the first thing my parents did in a new town wasn’t to find a good mechanic but to sign us up for softball. My mom carted us around to and fro every practice. And, I think both my parents made every game pretty much. At one particular game in maybe 5th grade, this short stop took a line drive right off the mitt and into the mouth. I remember crying and bleeding. And, then I remember my dad running onto the field, scooping me up like a baby, and carrying me to the car. I think he joked about me messing up his shirt or something like that. But, what I remember most clearly was him being my hero.

We spent summers at Young Life camp where, at about that same age, I know I acted like I owned the place. There was one particular college aged summer staff guy who overstepped boundaries just a wee bit when I was being sassy to my older sister one night. I don’t remember much about if I told my parents or my shocked older sister did in my defense. But, what I do remember was looking out the window of the staff housing and seeing my dad give that boy a talking to I’d never seen before. And, I knew that he was my hero.

We debate over whether my dad ever changed a diaper. I can’t remember him ever helping us with homework. And, if Mom was away and he had the task of getting us up and to school, he was known to wake us up with Banjo playing or the Beach Boys on the record player. But, I longed for a hero. And, along the way, I knew he was one as we walked the halls of different high schools with my grape soda in hand.

Now, I have the joy of parenting alongside my best friend. He’s a different dad than our dads were in a lot of ways. He’s changed way more diapers than he cares to remember. He bathed all the babies and sat by the bath tub just to talk to them and make them laugh. They think he can fix anything–and I’m pretty content with them thinking I can fix nothing. They love wrestling and being enveloped by him as they cackle and he growls ferociously. When he plays hockey early enough that all are still awake, we bundle up and sit in the stands. They can’t follow the game; but they sure follow their daddy, cheering his name and clearly giddy with excitement when he looks their general direction. They get that he works to provide for us and that he’s “in charge” of the family.

We trust him. We know he loves us.

He’s so their hero. And, for the past nearly 14 years, he’s been my hero too.

Happy father’s day, Dad – the hero of my youth who may not have changed my diaper but now reads my blog faithfully.

And, happy father’s day, Mark – my hero for life and the one leading our family and pointing us all to the Hero everyday.

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Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: Extended Family, Mark

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