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My Overthinking

Philly Area mom, Life forever changed by adoption

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The words I’ve been wanting to share {orphanage visit}

6.17.15

It had been 7 months since my last visit. Where there was grey and barren in October now was green and full. My heart was full as well as the car waited for the iron accordion gate to open and proceeded to drive us around the circle to the front steps of the orphanage. The comfortable familiarity of the front gardens was topped only by the familiarity of those who rushed to the front door to greet us as we stepped out of the car. Welcomes that were once closed mouth smiles and polite handshakes now were hugs. In just a few moments there, it was clear that these relationships were why we had been brought here again.

Hot water with floating leaves in a fancy conference room. It’s where the day always starts. And then we did what I know how to do and what they want me to do. With our translator and the director by my side and my notebook and pen in hand, we walked into rooms full of children. Some remembered me and rushed to me for a touch. Some didn’t know what to do with the desire for connection and rushed to me only to hit my leg and run away. I get it.

IECS English Week 2015 - 178

 

As my daughter blew bubbles to entertain the masses, I scribbled what I could as the translator gave me shortened summaries of what the “working staff” was rattling off to her. This boy needs surgery. This boy is hungry but cannot eat. This girl has dimples. Is there ever a family for a child with Down Syndrome? Can I find a family for this boy soon–he will be too old soon. This girl is all healthy now.

IECS English Week 2015 - 180

 

Why didn’t I bring more paper?

Their stories could fill books, and I was only scribbling a few notes and trying to grab a few quick pictures of a split second in time. I could choose to look at it all as futile and simply not enough or choose to remember the handful of times we’ve been able to see the successes, when the notes and the pictures gave a family confirmation that they were on the right path or led a family who wasn’t sure to say yes.

The older children surrounded me, chatting away, telling me things. I wish I could have understood what they were saying. I wonder if they were telling me what they did in class that morning, asking me about how their friend was who was adopted last year, asking me if there was a family who wanted a “clever and positive” child like them.

Say eggplant!

IECS English Week 2015 - 184

I took pictures of them with my own daughter among them. For a few moments, the chaos and noise were silenced in my head, and my own thoughts surprised me.

Essay contests, teacher conferences, caramel popcorn at the beach, softball tournaments, a shopping trip to Target for training bras, Christmas morning, spoiling by grandparents, praying together every night, trips to the library…

A little girl I knew wouldn’t let go of her hand. A little boy marveled at her curly blonde hair. And, they welcomed her into their place seemingly without a thought or hesitation, the girl who has what they want and has things they don’t even know to want.

She wanted to see the babies, the youngest ones. Of course she did. I should have thought it through more; I should have expected it. We tiptoed in as everyone knows to do when you walk into a nursery whether that nursery has one sweet baby or, in this case, nearly 20. Ashlyn went from crib to crib, admiring each child, trying to get the wide-eyed ones to look at her and smile a little. I looked around, then I looked around again. And, then it hit me.

I don’t know a single child in this room.

It’s been 7 months since my last visit. These precious babies had all arrived since my last visit. Older kids got older in that time, a few blessed little ones are now home with mommies and daddies and Christmas mornings and all the caramel popcorn they can eat, and the nursery is always full. These little ones’ stories have just started; they were just beginning here. We were just making them smile and telling them they are precious in word and action right now. But, next time I come, it would be notes about them filling my papers.

It all could sound hopeless, an endless cycle of brokenness and need. But, there’s something hopeful in it all as I stepped back and breathed deeply of the air the staff works so hard to keep clean. There’s good here. There are friends here. There is relationship here and connection; flawed it may be, but it’s here. This place isn’t just a pitstop as some await their final destinations of families all over the world. They’re growing here in body and spirit, a nearly constant yet changing group of 300 children supernaturally somehow unified as a family.

In 4 months, I’ll be here again. I’ll lead a team through those front doors, drink leafy water in a fancy conference room, instructing them with my eyes to do the same. I’ll pat ayis’ backs and give them the universally understood thumbs up. Kids will rush to meet me only to hit me on the leg. Others will hang back with no recollection of the woman walking around with a camera around her neck and paper in hand. I’ll press on as they press on, all clinging to the life and hope we see amidst the grey barren background.

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Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: China, Orphans, why can't they just stay little forever

a 5-minute window into an elementary school {#FamousInChina}

6.12.15

It was her peace offering to her teachers since she was skipping out of school for 2 weeks. And, it was our peace offering to the school in China who allowed us to bring an 11-year old girl into their classrooms as a teacher.

It’s probably all over QQ, WeChat, and TaoBao by now. And, now it’s here for your viewing pleasure.

A 5-minute glimpse into an American elementary school…which we now know looks very very different than a Chinese elementary school with their 6am start, 2 hour lunch break, then long afternoon which leads into hours of homework.

Ashlyn loves China, but she thinks she’ll stick with her American education.

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Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: China

Larger than Life {China post}

6.10.15

IECS English Week 2015 - 152

The back-row boys are always the hardest ones to reach. The confident students, the ones excited to see you who want to engage with you always get to class early and go right to the front row. They’re the ones you want to invite to lunch after class. The back-row boys? Not so much. They avoid eye contact, talk to themselves in Mandarin as you try to teach English, and don’t bring any paper or even a pencil to class just as an extra little sign to you that they aren’t fully there.

When Jacki, one of our English Week team members, walked into the classroom where she was teaching for the first time, she smiled at her first-row friends and then looked at those back-row boys. From the very start, she made a decision to pursue them no matter how hard it would be. She started teaching with her husband Bruce, using the curriculum Mark and I have been putting together over the last several months, and used every opportunity to physically make herself present in the back of the room and directly engage those boys. She wasn’t sure if her efforts that Monday morning made a difference. When Bruce and Jacki walked into their classroom a few minutes before class was to begin on Wednesday, those back-row boys were not in the back row; they were in the front row. The same boys whose very body language and physical placement had sent the message of “I am only here because I have to be. I am not interested in this class or in you. I will not connect with you. I cannot connect with you” were now sending an entirely different message. Their heads were up. They were smiling in response. They were ready for class. They were ready for relationship. Bruce and Jacki continued pursuing them, using every tool in their toolbox to encourage those students, becoming more like a mother and father or friend than distant, uninterested professors. Those boys showed up together to the all the remaining activities we offered on campus—unstructured times to practice English conversation, English nights with singing and a lecture, an American dance night complete with the hokey pokey, electric slide, and bunny hop among other whammies. When Bruce and Jacki taught on Friday, their class size was actually larger. Not only were those boys in the front row again but they brought friends. They actually brought friends to class who were not registered for that class just so they could experience Bruce and Jacki. Incredible.

IMG_1772

American Dance Night.

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One of the English Nights. We sing songs like “You Belong to Me” and “You Don’t Know You’re Beautiful” and then listen to a lecture from one of the team members.

On Saturday, before our team left the campus, those boys said yes to Bruce and Jacki’s invitation to join them for lunch, and the full-time teacher we have at that school joined them. There at a simple cafeteria table in a noisy “canteen,” we witnessed a perfect picture of the depth of this work. Full-time teachers are in place at each of the universities, pursuing students, teaching everyday, using every opportunity with those who are put before them. English Week teams come once a year, are given access to a greater number of students our teachers never get access to, give those students their 110% for a week, and then gracefully connect them to and hand them off to our full-time teachers to continue building on the relationship foundations that were started. It works. It’s how we’ve seen the students we’d label as the most unlikely become changed.

We knew this English Week would be one for the books with three members of our own family serving together for the first time. Ashlyn was amazing, larger than life. She willingly missed all her 5th grade graduation fun times to work hard in China, patiently enduring all the students’ photo shoots with her and participating in every activity including teaching in a classroom (and wearing a skirt!). She was the rockstar we expected and had girls crying as they hugged her goodbye at the end of the week. In a letter she wrote to the peeps who helped her go, she shared that she believes her life has been changed through this trip—and she’s informed us that she plans on going back every year and going back as a full-time teacher once she’s out of college. Hmmm….

Jet lag has rocked us this time. I don’t know why this trip has been harder than others. Maybe because our first day back was the last day of school and the sheer number of children in our home seems to have multiplied. With our full-caff coffee in hand and bags under our eyes yesterday, we got word that we have the green light to lead a team to a brand new university in Baoding in October. Wow. So, while I’m still leading the team to the orphanage, Mark will be boarding a plane to come over to China as well to lead a team to this school for their first ever English Week. Now, we just need to fill the team. Know anyone who may want to be a world changer and build some friendships with some back-row boys?

Me. with my easy-to-love front-row girls.

Me. with my easy-to-love front-row girls.

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Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: China

#jetlagged

6.6.15

xian toy store - 1

After 30 hours of door-to-door traveling, Ashlyn and I arrived home Thursday/Friday at about 1:45am. 6 1/2 hours later, she was dressed and heading out the door to her last day of school.

Me? I’m still feeling a bit dazed and confused.

While I have compelling stories to share and lots and lots of pictures from our last 2 weeks in China, you may have to wait just a little bit to partake.

I need a few more pots of coffee first.

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Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: China

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