For months, any time I found to write was spent writing about them. It made sense really because they filled most of my days. The days they didn’t fill, they richly highlighted. They made things colorful. Interesting. And, I can honestly say that I anticipated that baby’s arrival almost as much as I anticipated that of my own children.

You may have felt the abruptness on this space, the hard stop to the words and pictures that gave a glimpse into their story. It’s a good reflection of the reality here really, the harsh abruptness to the fullness of our home as 10 became 6 again.

I appreciated my ever-growing to-do lists after April 21 when frank and Helen went home. My tasks helped to fill the gaps and the quiet that could have easily consumed me otherwise. All that the trip to China only a month later required was medicinal.

It was in a school cafeteria (the “canteen”) where we had a mini reunion. Helen swept the rubber door flaps to the side and pushed her very western double stroller through. Caleb rushed to us like a classic love story movie, arms outstretched. I believe Ashlyn literally squealed as she sat on the ground to catch him. After their embrace, he looked around and started to cry. He thought all four of our kids were coming to China.

Helen only came out of her 8th floor apartment one other time the whole time we were there. Grace is so young, and the sun behind the China haze dreadfully hot. It was hard to be right across the street from them, literally able to see their apartment from the classrooms where we were teaching and not be able to see more of them. Every afternoon during the few hours when we had a bit of a break, I walked over to be with them though it didn’t feel enough. Grace cried nearly every time I looked at her, making me limit the time I had to snuggle her like I used to and make photo shoots during naps. I think Helen felt bad about it. She assured me she’d recognize me soon. I assured her it was fine; stranger anxiety is normal.

Our goodbyes were quick. It was easier that way. Still feeling the weight of the drawn-out goodbyes a month earlier in Newark airport and for the few days leading up to that moment, fast worked for me this time, particularly with the audience of students around us who had no idea of the way our lives have become interwoven. I needed deep breaths and self-talk, but I didn’t cry this time.

They’re doing well; they really are. Their families weren’t upset about the baby news that they received when they returned to China. Instead, one set of grandparents jumped right on to a bus for 13 hours when they heard there was a new grand baby and stayed for over a week, making all sorts of interesting “healthy food” for the new mother while they were there.

They are safe. There aren’t any problems for them right now. And while that large fine for having a second child is looming, they can delay paying it until it becomes absolutely necessary to utilize benefits of the state (like when it’s time to start going to school). Until then, they are able to use her U.S. passport to do things like purchase train tickets which is essential to life in China. For now, they can live without fear and simply enjoy being a family of four.

Grace is so big already.

{Sigh}

Sometimes I still just smile and shake my head in awe of all that has transpired over this last year. It hits me at odd moments—hearing a song Caleb liked, seeing the electric kettle that still sits on our kitchen counter, shopping for groceries and passing some random item I know one of them liked, driving with an empty passenger seat next to me.

God grew our family this year. Our home may be down to only 6 now, but our family is bigger. Daily life looks way different now than it did a few months ago, but the definition of our family is not changing.