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My Overthinking

Philly Area mom, Life forever changed by adoption

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Celebrating Chinese New Year

2.2.16

It’s the single most important holiday of the entire year there. Businesses close and trains literally overflow as people all over China journey home for Chinese New Year or Spring Festival. Despite the rising number of Starbucks scattered about big cities and iPhones all over, traditions not all that different from stockings hung by the chimney with care still abound.

In the weeks leading up to Spring Festival, families clean every corner of their homes to rid them of huiqi or unclean spirits that may have collected over the year and prepare for a new start. Bright red scrolls printed with poetic couplets about luck and fortune are posted proudly beside front doors. The sound and smell of fireworks to frighten evil spirits fill the air. Families gather together around the table for long noodles symbolizing long life and round dumplings shaped like the full moon symbolizing the family unit and perfection with a finale of a whole fish symbolizing abundance which is fully prepared but is not meant to be eaten.

Both families who are actually living in abundance and those who are not give special gifts packaged in 红包 or hongbao, a decorated red envelope. Anywhere between a few yuan to hundreds of yuan are put in these envelopes in lucky even number increments and given as sacrificial gifts typically from older people to younger ones. The recipients gather all their envelopes, put them under their pillows, and open them all 7 days later.

For 15 days centered around February 8th (where it falls this year), about 1.4 billion people (20% of the world) put everyday life on hold. The poor, the migrants, the businessmen, the party members, the students, young and old…it doesn’t matter who you are. The celebration of Spring Festival softens lines of distinction.

From where I sit right now, typing my thoughts from my favorite chair, I can see toy horses that my daughter carefully set up to stand together as a family. Her older brother seems to have a hobby of tripping over them, while her sister complains that they look like they’re staring at her. But, there they remain, none of us willing to break up the equine family. A child’s rocking chair sits closeby with a blanket piled up below it where she was snuggled up yesterday. I can see our family picture framed on our shelf—a mom, a dad, three white kids who will be taller than me by next week, and Lydia, our Chinese daughter.

Some years, our home has been seemingly covered in red paper decorations and all sorts of festive stuff in my efforts to pronounce Xīnnián kuàilè. I’ve made 4-foot long dragon cakes and sheep/goat/ram cupcakes (all with loads more sugar than the Chinese like). With a lot we have going on right now, I’m not sure how many lanterns and scrolls I’ll end up hanging. And, I can’t even wrap my head around making some sort of monkey-themed dessert this year. But, I’ve come to understand that celebrating Spring Festival in America as Americans who have a Chinese daughter doesn’t have to look like a Pinterest-worthy party. When we adopted our daughter nearly 6 years ago, we promised that we’d honor her history, a promise we take to heart; we did not promise to make dragon cakes and give out red envelopes to her first-grade class. There’s nothing wrong with those things; they can be ways to honor her history but so could reading a children’s book together and simple conversation.

I can’t give my family a Spring Festival experience like one they’d get in China. And, honestly, I don’t know if I’d entirely want to. But, as we eat Chinese takeout with chopsticks or read a silly picture book about a runaway wok, whatever pomp and circumstance we end up with for Spring Festival this year, I will be saying these words to my daughter:

You are Chinese. We see that. We know that. We love that about you. We are not Chinese. But, we love all things Chinese not because of loud fireworks or envelopes with money but because of you. You are what makes us love Chinese things. And, we’re so glad you are a part of our family.

Lydia with tiger hat

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Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: attachment, China, Living as a multiracial family

What we’re reading

1.14.16

one child imageI swear that Amazon workers are simply sitting around waiting for me to click “submit order” and then scurry around to get my stuff to me. It’s kind of amazing.

I ordered One Child two days ago, and it arrived this morning. I’m so anxious to check this out that I find myself wanting to actually put “reading” into my daily schedule as if it were an appointment I can’t miss.

Here’s how the official item description reads:

An intimate investigation of the world’s largest experiment in social engineering, revealing how its effects will shape China for decades to come, and what that means for the rest of the world

When Communist Party leaders adopted the one-child policy in 1980, they hoped curbing birth-rates would help lift China’s poorest and increase the country’s global stature. But at what cost? Now, as China closes the book on the policy after more than three decades, it faces a population grown too old and too male, with a vastly diminished supply of young workers.

Mei Fong has spent years documenting the policy’s repercussions on every sector of Chinese society. In One Child, she explores its true human impact, traveling across China to meet the people who live with its consequences. Their stories reveal a dystopian reality: unauthorized second children ignored by the state, only-children supporting aging parents and grandparents on their own, villages teeming with ineligible bachelors, and an ungoverned adoption market stretching across the globe. Fong tackles questions that have major implications for China’s future: whether its “Little Emperor” cohort will make for an entitled or risk-averse generation; how China will manage to support itself when one in every four people is over sixty-five years old; and above all, how much the one-child policy may end up hindering China’s growth.

Weaving in Fong’s reflections on striving to become a mother herself, One Child offers a nuanced and candid report from the extremes of family planning.

Wanna read it with me?

I started a Facebook group where people who want to read it can gather. You can read it at your own pace. Post if there’s something you want to discuss or respond to. Comment on others’ posts as you feel so led. That’s it. Nothing formal or scheduled. Just a bunch of folks wanting to engage together in community about a very significant part of world history…and many of our families’ histories. Feel free to order HERE and let the Amazon minions do their thing and join us.

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Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: China, Reviews

Gift ideas for the family adopting from China

11.28.15

Our daughter and her husband are adopting from China. Any good Christmas gift ideas for them?

Let’s talk about that.

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Jiayin-charm-450x525

My favorite gift when we were getting ready to go get our daughter was given to me from my mom–a custom silver charm with our daughter’s Chinese name. I so loved wearing it while I waited and then eventually while we traveled. One of my favorite memories is of the orphanage nanny noticing the charm and touching it as she said goodbye to our daughter. That gift actually led to me helping our friend Helen whose family lived with us last year to start a business called Jiayin Designs to help provide for their family. You do have to think ahead to give the gift of this charm–they take anywhere from 4-6 weeks to arrive, and you do need to have a picture of the child’s name in Chinese characters preferably so that the charm is perfect. If that doesn’t work for you, you can always give a gift certificate good for a charm that the mom can order whenever she wants.

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Screen Shot 2015-03-14 at 5.18.40 PMMark got me a set of packing cubes for my birthday one year right before a trip to China. After using them once, I honestly can’t imagine traveling without them. They aren’t much money and work so well for organizing a family’s packing as well as allowing them to pack way more than they think will fit in their luggage which is pretty important on an adoption trip. I’d suggest getting two sets–one for mom and one for dad. I personally love the teal color but there are manly colors too.
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Screen Shot 2015-03-14 at 5.25.55 PMA luggage scale is a must-have. Families adopting from China have their international flight to China but then have at least one domestic flight if not several where the luggage weight restrictions are lower. Typically, our international flights allow up to 50 lbs per checked bag, but the domestic flights within China only allow 44 lbs. So, a luggage scale is essential for packing before you leave as well as repacking as the family is in China. Here are two of our favorites–this one from EatSmart or this one from Balanzza.
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Screen Shot 2015-03-14 at 5.47.27 PMNot everyone likes wearing a money belt type of thing like this–maybe they’re too reminiscent of an old-fashioned fanny pack? Regardless, they come in really handy when shopping in an outdoor market to quickly pull out some RMB for those treasures to take home without opening your backpack all up, etc.

 

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passport walletEven with the money belt, this custom made travel wallet for cards, passport, pen, travel documents, etc. is awesome. I don’t have one myself, but I’m very envious of the one that Annie from Stitchbird and Fern donated for a raffle at Together Called last year. It’s downright beautiful and is made really really well.

 

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Screen Shot 2015-03-14 at 5.56.43 PMYes, this is obnoxiously bright. But, that’s the point. Baggage claim is way easier with a couple obnoxiously bright luggage tags. I haven’t tried this brand personally, but their brightness looks like they’d be a good choice.
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Screen Shot 2015-03-14 at 6.07.21 PMWhen traveling to China, you really only need a plug adapter (not an electric converter) for your computer, phone, iPad, and camera charger. They can handle the voltage and just need the right type of plug. Trust me when I say travelers shouldn’t bother with bringing a hair dryer and/or flat iron to use with a converter. It’ll probably be destroyed within a day or two (and you don’t want to burn your hotel down or anything).

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Screen Shot 2015-03-14 at 6.26.59 PM

If I were a rich girl, I’d have basically every available item from Tom Bihn. They have a ton of very clever travel solutions. I don’t have this particular piece myself to organize plug adapters and phone cords and the like (cleverly named the Snake Charmer), but one in burnt orange is on my own wish list (Tom Bihn, feel free to send one along as a thank you for the mention :) ). It would make a really fun gift to order the plug adapters and the Snake Charmer to go with them. But, if you need to go cheaper, you can find some cheap varied colored bags on Amazon that can organize all your goodies too.

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Screen Shot 2015-03-14 at 6.23.03 PMThese toiletry bags (aka Spiff kit) from Tom Bihn in Wasabi are also on my wish list. Grab this bag and some other color coordinated accessories like the travel tray or Stuff Sack. The travel tray is awesome. (Tom Bihn, add a set of Wasabi accessories to that package you are sending me, please :) )

 

 

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travel journalchina journalI love this customized spiral bound travel journal with the China map on the cover and whatever text you want from Vintage Page Designs. Here’s another journal option too from Atlas Art that is a bit cheaper but still very cool for a gift.

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Screen Shot 2015-03-14 at 7.21.57 PMOkay, so these are $299. I know. And, likely nobody’s buying these noise-canceling headphones as a gift. But, I had to share them because we were able to get a pair using frequent flyer miles that were expiring and they are LIFE CHANGING. Seriously. If you have $300 to spare, get these. You’re welcome.
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rice cooker picFamilies don’t need this to travel, but they are gonna need this baby soon enough. We use our rice cooker to make rice (duh) as well as congee, steamed buns, and veggies. And, when we had a Chinese family living with us last year, this thing got a serious workout (i.e., it was used three times a day).
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Screen Shot 2015-11-28 at 11.51.49 AMAnd, here’s another post-China adoption must have, in my opinion (especially if you have an older child). Every family in China uses one of these babies as do orphanages. There’s no such thing as a cold beverage in China; hot is where it’s at. Use this electric kettle to heat up drinking water (no tea needed, just hot water).
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Screen Shot 2015-03-14 at 6.57.33 PM

The Pleco Chinese Translator app is free but has in-app purchases that make it awesome. I paid something like $30 for all the features which sounds like a lot, but I use it constantly in China and have even used it often with Helen here. It’s the best app we’ve found for translating and comes in very very handy (even without all the features) when the family is trying to communicate with their guide, orphanage staff, and even possibly their son or daughter in the case of older child adoption. Consider gifting the family $30 in an iTunes gift card for this purpose.

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Another gift idea I’d suggest would be books about China travel, culture, or adoption in general. Some of my favorite recommendations to that end are:

    • China Survival Guide: How to Avoid Travel Troubles and Mortifying Mishaps, 3rd Edition
    • China in Ten Words
    • Message from an Unknown Chinese Mother: Stories of Loss and Love
    • Wish You Happy Forever: What China’s Orphans Taught Me About Moving Mountains
    • On the Night You Were Born
    • Eating Bitterness: Stories from the Front Lines of China’s Great Urban Migration
    • No Drama Discipline
    • The Connected Child: Bring hope and healing to your adoptive family and
    • I Love You Rituals

Any other ideas? Feel free to share them with me, and I’ll add them to the list…because, you know, I overthink everything including gift ideas for families traveling to China.

 

We are participants in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon. Use the links in this post at no cost to you. 

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Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: adoption, China, Reviews

Happy Thanksgiving

11.26.15

Screen Shot 2015-11-26 at 7.01.38 AMHow am I thankful for you?
When I walk to you, I hope to experience simply a spring breeze, yet you give me a full spring.

How am I thankful for you?
When I walk to you, I hope to feel simply the spray of the waves, yet you give me a vast sea.

How am I thankful for you?
When I walk to you, I hope to find one pretty red leaf, yet you give me a whole maple grove.

How am I thankful for you?
When I walk to you, I hope to kiss a snowflake, yet you give me a whole white, silver world.

–By Wang Guo Zhen, Chinese poet (translated by a friend…and edited a bit more to make sense in English by me)

Sent to me by that sweet Chinese friend with the following message:

Happy Thanksgiving Day! Thanks for being so nice to me. Thanks for our Good Book study.

So, so thankful today.

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Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: China, Traditions

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