Philly Area mom, Life forever changed by adoption
She was pretty darn excited to bring in these little Valentines to her first ever Valentine’s party.
Kudos to her father who raced over to the pearl market hours before he boarded a plane to come home so that he could haggle with some feisty Chinese lady to get a big bag of these.
I won’t even say anything about how strange it is that most of them are angry birds.
Americans spend about $450 billion on Christmas each year. Astounding really. Even more astounding when you have someone living with you witnessing this time of consumerism for the very first time. Way back when, about 13 years ago, when we were expecting our first, we didn’t know this number. But, we knew we didn’t want to get wrapped up in wrapped up things and that we wanted to “do gifts” a bit differently.
We decided we wanted gifts to really mean something. We decided we’d use gift giving as a teachable moment for our children. And, so, we give them 3 gifts. That’s it. 3 gifts. From us. Not from Santa. From Mom and Dad. These three gifts symbolize those of the wise men. And, each year, before we open gifts, we read the Christmas story and remind each other about the wise men and the gifts they brought to baby Jesus, the incarnate God, sharing the significance of each one individually before they open their three gifts.
The wise men brought Jesus myrrh.
Myrrh was a valuable gift of practical use—it was used medicinally for all sorts of ailments from coughs to open wounds. It was a good gift to bring a mother of a new baby. And, in addition to daily use, it was used for embalming and anointing the dead. And, so, it was a prophetic gift, already setting up the Gospel story from the beginning. God’s son would have to die.
Our children’s first gift is a practical gift, something they need and can use daily—a piece of clothing, some sheets for their bed, a bike helmet, something like that.
The wise men brought Jesus frankincense.
Frankincense is the purest form of incense and was primarily used in worship. When burned, the white smoke and sweet smell it produces is a symbol of our prayers going up to heaven and creates a meaningful experience for everyone present. It’s a symbolic gift too, pointing to Jesus fully being God, Emmanuel, God with us, the only one worthy of our worship.
Our children’s second gift, likewise, is an experiential gift, something not tangible but something meaningful to us as a family—tickets to a theater show, a coupon for a night out with Daddy for ice cream sundaes, a night out at the ball park, something like that. This gift may or may not cost a whole lot, but the value of it is precious. Typically, I make up some sort of graphic on the computer that is like a gift certificate for whatever their specific experience gift is and give it to them in an envelope along with a business card, ticket, or brochure for the event. These are the gifts our children remember year to year and often cost us the least.
The wise men brought Jesus gold.
Gold was as valuable then as it is now. It was a precious gift, one that some say financed the holy family’s trip to Egypt. But, it was also a very symbolic gift in that gold was given to princes when they were born. And, that is what Jesus is—royalty, a King in the line of David, King of the world, King of the whole universe, and King of our hearts. When we become a follower of Jesus, we are adopted into God’s family and we too become princes and princesses, heirs to the throne. We don’t deserve it; no matter how good we are, we won’t ever be good enough to deserve it. But, because of Jesus, God sees us like He sees His own Son. And, we become like Him.
Our children’s third and last gift is a gold gift, something they really really want (or we think they’d really want since they don’t make a traditional Christmas list). Sometimes these gifts are a little more costly—like a lego set or a sweet new scooter. And, sometimes, they really aren’t costly at all, but just something we know they really want, something that is like gold to them (last year, the boys’ gold gifts came from Craigslist and cost a grand total of $25 put together—secondhand pet box turtles). It’s the gift that we just want to give to them because we love them and want to bless them. And, we tell them so before we give them.
Of course, they have grandparents and aunts and uncles, all of whom dote on our children. And, now that they are older, we let them choose small gifts for each other that they pay for with their own money (which is a teachable moment in an of itself). So, yes, they do actually get more than 3 gifts. Deprived they are not. Believe me.
We are doing what we can through our gift giving to set them up to better understand that Christmas is not simply about festive music on the radio, Rudolph, sparkly trees, cookies and milk, and boxes wrapped up with fancy bows. They sure do make Christmas fun; we don’t deny that. But, they aren’t what defines Christmas.
It’s about Jesus.
In typical Ashlyn fashion, tonight, she insisted on instructing little Caleb on advent and our Christmas tradition of a reading every night at dinner.
Every night, we will read a story from this book. And, it’s not just any book, right? It’s a special book because…whose birthday is it on Christmas?
Caleb responded without delay.
Santa Claus.
I’m not sure what was funnier—his answer or the fact that I was sure he had said “son of God” with his little Chinese accent. Oh, this poor boy thrown into American culture is utterly confused. Yesterday, he learned about Rudolph and his mom learned about wreaths. Today, he’s sure that fat old man with facial hair is having a birthday along with Jesus.
The kids corrected him kindly, and his lesson from Ashlyn continued. While Caleb may still be figuring things out, he’s learned that we don’t do Santa in our house. (go ahead, get your gasps out now.)
The kids know that we shop for gifts for them, and we fill their stockings hung by the chimney with care. We tell the kids that some families like to play a game with their children, pretending that Santa is real and brings them gifts at Christmas. But, he’s just that, a game based on a really nice man who lived a long time ago named St. Nicholas who gave money to poor families.
We’re cool with him though. We still wave to him at the mall as we explain that it’s really a man dressed up like Santa. In fact, we’ve got one of those real-deal costumes ourselves in our cedar closet that my granddad used to wear. We’ve even got a mini version that Drew wears year round. Caleb and Drew Claus have had a few hot cocoa parties together already. We still read Twas the Night Before Christmas and sing along to Here Comes Santa Claus. But, we’ve just never been into the whole game for a handful of reasons.
* Keeping up the Santa story can distract us from talking about Jesus’ birth and the significance of the incarnation. Talking about the history of Santa is a great tool to talk about giving and compassion. Some families certainly do that really well. When we do talk with our kids about families who do the Santa thing, that’s what we focus on, never giving the impression that those families are somehow inferior or not as spiritual or something crazy like that. But, as our children get older, my desire for them to really understand the most significant demonstration of giving and compassion has grown. For me, playing the Santa game can mean more conversations about presents and traditions and less about who God is and the most amazing gift ever known.
* I know it can be fun, but it’s not truth. In fact, we know people who have created quite a Pinnochio-style web of lies to protect their children’s belief in Santa. As their children have started connecting the dots, the stories the parents have come up with to keep it all have gotten a wee bit silly. Perhaps it’s my overthinking coming into play, but we’d rather have our kids know they can totally trust us rather than build a complicated story that others reinforce which they later find out isn’t actually true. If we lie about Santa being real, would our children question whether we are lying about other things that are unseen? If we ask them to believe in a Santa they cannot see and they find out we have lied, will they doubt whether our testimony that God is real is true?
* We want our children to understand the value of the gifts they are given, from us or other family members, and recognize that some gifts are a real sacrifice financially and have taken a lot of effort. We want them to learn gratefulness for this sacrifice particularly this year since life looks a lot different in our home. While I know Santa can be used as a picture of generosity, telling our children that Santa gave them their gifts instead of the family member who lost his job that year but still figured out how to give them a gift or the cousin who is young and used her allowance to buy just the right little thing takes away from their understanding of generosity and sacrifice.
* We do not want them to fall prey to a works mentality. We’ve all heard it–“Stop that or else Santa will put you on the naughty list!” We don’t want our children to think that blessings depend solely on whether they have been good or bad. We want them to understand what grace is–God’s unmerited favor, kindness from God that we don’t deserve. There is nothing we have done or can ever do to earn this favor. The classic lesson that “being bad” may put them on the “naughty list,” translating into less presents or a lump of coal could really hinder their understanding of grace.
It’s how we do things here. But, we respect that others do things differently—especially those who have overthought it all as I have and have come to a different conclusion. Some families really know how to do Santa well and still teach generosity, compassion, and grace as they do it. And, I know friends who have fond memories of leaving out milk and cookies and all that and want to give their kiddos the same. I get that. We’ve got some traditions we can’t let go of too. And, don’t worry—we have told the kids that some families really like the game. They have strict instructions not to tell other kids not living in our home that Santa isn’t real in case their families are playing the game.
We filled 96 felt pockets on door-sized advent calendars last week for 3 of our 4 children and 1 little guest. 96 tissue-wrapped gifts all numbered were put where they belong, waiting for their day to come. And, one big brother watches on remembering the days of his youth when he raced to get ready in the morning to open his gifts.
I remember going to bed with anticipation every night from November 30th until Christmas. Sometimes, the anticipation was just too much to handle, and I’d cheat a bit. A big felt calendar covered the back of my bedroom door with numbered pockets. And, every morning before school, I’d get to unwrap a little treat that was stuffed into those pockets by my grandmother. Pretty pencils, stickers, a fun toothbrush, hairbands, just little things leading up to gift 24 which would be a handmade Christmas ornament.
That’s what advent is about, not dollar store treats and ornaments, chocolates behind cardstock doors, or even wreaths with lit candles. Advent is about anticipation.
Judging by the way the children literally bounced with excitement, they get the anticipation thing. I wouldn’t be surprised to find some tissue paper shreds on the floor as the anticipation overwhelms one little girlie who can’t stop herself from cheating a bit. But, what are they anticipating?
I want them to anticipate Jesus, the story of the incarnation. I want to anticipate Him.
I searched. I pinterested. I blog surfed. And, I found some really neat family advent stuff.
{Enter feeling of being overwhelmed.}
Too many crafts. Too many requirements. Too many supplies. Too much for me.
I don’t want crafts and more things to fill my to-do list. I want Jesus.
Two years ago, up late on December 1st and feeling defeated by it all, I found something I could do—one reading a day from The Jesus Storybook Bible. That’s it. No glue, no homemade dough ornaments, no sequins, no stress. Just a story.
There are a lot of stories in the Bible, but all the stories are telling one Big Story. The Story of how God loves his children and comes to rescue them. It takes the whole Bible to tell this Story. And at the center of the Story, there is a baby. Every Story in the Bible whispers his name. He is like the missing piece in a puzzle–the piece that makes all the other pieces fit together, and suddenly you can see a beautiful picture.
The anticipation is overwhelming. I can’t to unwrap it again this year.
Jesus Storybook Bible Advent Reading Plan
Jesus Storybook Bible 10 day Advent reading plan