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My Overthinking

Philly Area mom, Life forever changed by adoption

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Just a little note to my Chinese teacher {advocating}

2.9.18

Xiǎo mèimei, I hope you aren’t too mad at me. I can picture you perfectly, shaking your head side to side when I tell you. But, you’re smiling while you do it because that’s what you do. You smile a lot. I like that about you. Maybe I’m trying to prepare you so I know you’ll forgive me. Maybe just a little. But, it’s true; I do love your smile and how often you show it.

You worked so hard to teach me Chinese. You pointed things out to me in the park–a rock, a waterfall, flowers, fish, a dragon, a weird scary statue dude. You so carefully enunciated what each word was in Mandarin. I’d nod my head and echo you…or try to. Sometimes you smiled bigger and gave me a thumbs up. That always made me feel good. Sometimes you smiled bigger and made me keep trying. I’m not used to a tonal language, you know. A couple times you said something that I was told meant good enough. Thanks for showing a bit of mercy, xiǎo lǎoshī.

You used toys and paints to have me say colors. And, I did too. You’d say it in Mandarin, then I’d say it in Mandarin. I’d say it in English, then you’d say it in English. Every interaction we had took way longer than it needed to. And, they were perfect that way because we both were enjoying it. Not because I got to learn Chinese and you were learning English but because we figured out a way to connect. You knew right away that we couldn’t understand each other, and you figured out a way to give us a common language.

You gave me a really, really good start so that I could say a bit more words than I started with. I promised I’d keep learning. But, I confess, I’m just as bad at Mandarin as I was when I saw you last. I’d like to learn Mandarin, but it’s super super hard for me. But, I really really like connecting with you, so I’m happy to learn from you whenever our paths may cross again.


“Annalise” just turned 9 years old in January, is healthy, and currently available for adoption through Madison Adoption Associates. Any potential families must like big smiles, dancing, and learning Chinese. Email me or Sarah@madisonadoption.org for more information.

No related posts.

Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: Advocating, Orphans

Magical Bunchems

11.17.17

I discovered them at our local Goodwill in a ziploc bag on a shelf buried under wallpaper border and puzzle boxes. They looked like fun for Lydia well worth the Goodwill price tag. A few days later, and many dragons, new Monsters Inc. characters, and potato heads later, I decided they were a lot of fun for all of us. And, when I find something that is fun for all of us that doesn’t weigh much and squishes into a much smaller package, you know what I think about next.

China.

Hundreds of colorful little velcro-like balls went with me to China this time, squished into zippered pockets and stuffed into shoes. And, they proved their worth. Eyes were wide when I poured them out onto their table.

Little fingers started touching them, giggling at how they prickly little loops tickled them.

Kingly creatures were created. Many bracelets adorned tiny wrists and larger wrists as kiddos decorated the wrists of their nannies.

And, little ones sat and focused like I hadn’t seen them do before.

Complete with a teeny tongue sticking out when she was working the hardest to make whatever it was she needed every single color to create.

Oh how it makes my heart happy to bring simple things that produce so many sweet moments.

{click HERE to check out the Bunchems that filled our bags. They’d be so great to take on an adoption trip to pass the time and build connection during down times in a hotel room.}


The little lady creator is currently available for adoption, and Madison Adoption Associates is offering a grant to families who want to bring her home for lots more creating. Email Sarah@madisonadoption.org for more information.

No related posts.

Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: Advocating, China, Orphans, The Sparrow Fund

Our penpal {advocating}

11.9.17

I met him and his foster mother, but he wasn’t so happy to talk to me and join in with the other kids. He’s an orphan too, but he’s been in a foster home; he doesn’t know the children here and older than most of them too. I tried to talk to him, but I didn’t get too much. I didn’t even get the chance to take a picture of him. And, I regretted it because I knew his papers were at Madison right now. And, I really did want to help him.

So, I found his foster family on WeChat. It sounds so simple put that way. It wasn’t really. But, all the effort has been worth it because Drew and I now have a Chinese penpal.


 

B: Hello. My name is PQB. I like playing football. I like reading. I want to be an inventor when I grow up.

Me: Wow! You are smart! I saw you on Monday at the orphanage. You did not seem very happy. Are you shy?

B: It’s not that I’m upset. I got a little dizzy in the car.

Me: Oh! I am sorry!

…

B: Did you have barbecue for dinner?

Me: We did! Do you like that? We made “hot dogs.”

B: Love! Very good!

…

Me: Do you want to have a family in America and live there forever?

B: Oh yeah! Summer! Fun! I like swimming best. I swim 100 meters at a time.

Me: Summer is fun. No school and lots of activities. But, summer is short. Do you want to learn English and go to school in America and do homework in America?

B: Yeah, I’d love to. But not doing homework in America. :( :(

Me: Great. If you want to, then I want to help you. It is okay to feel a little nervous about all of that. Do you feel a little nervous?

B: A little bit.

Me: It is normal to be a little nervous. Every child is nervous about coming to America. It is a big change.

B: Schools in China are under a lot of stress.

Me: Yes, I know. You work so hard. Schools in America might be a little hard for you. But teachers here do not lecture as much. I am sure you would like science class since you like to know how things work.

B: Can we learn about the invention of electrical appliances?

Me: Yes, you can! Would you like that?

B: yes.

…

B: I like skateboarding.

Me: Wow! Cool!

B: We all went cycling today. Are you going to work?

Me: No. Not on Sunday. I will go to church and spend time with my family today.

B: Oh! Can you send me a video?

…

Drew: I like Legos. Do you?

B: Can you send me a video? I love inventing electrical appliances.

Drew: me too.

B: I’m looking at today’s headlines to see inventions. Invention is very popular. I’m happy to meet you.

…

B: When can I go to America?

Me: I am trying to help you come. A family wanted to adopt you but the rules are very strict, and they could not qualify.

B: Oh. Well, thank you.

Me: Tell me what kind of family you want.

B: With dad, mom, brothers. Family must like me.

Me: Of course :)

…

B’s foster family: I want to know, why didn’t the family from last year adopt him?

Me: I don’t know exactly. But it is a good question. Maybe they were not qualified.

B’s foster family: He must not be up to the mark.

Me: That is not it. He is a good boy. They liked him.

B’s foster family: Oh really? There are other problems.

Me: Can you please explain?

B’s foster family: Maybe he is too thin.

Me: That is no problem. His height and weight are not a problem.

B’s foster family: Maybe he did not study English with his heart. Maybe he played mobile games all day. There must be a reason.

B’s foster family: He’s been living with us for 10 years. Built a strong bond with our family. But I am happy to have a family adopt him! …He deserves it!


“Max” is 12 years old, is healthy, and currently available for adoption through Madison Adoption Associates. The family must like him. :) Email me or Sarah@madisonadoption.org for more information. Madison only has his file for a short time longer, and he really deserves a family.

No related posts.

Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: Advocating

“Heads up. Our adoption program isn’t going anywhere, but it’s going to look different.”

7.20.17

There were rumors that changes were coming. I kept up with them, but they were only rumors. Earlier this month, when new rules were issued for people wanting to adopt from China, those rumors about China changing the make-up of the whole adoption program seemed a bit more real.

Yesterday, the announcement a whole bunch of people like me were anticipating was sent out.

Announcement
July 18, 2017

Relevant government departments and adoption agencies in receiving countries,
Following the enactment of the Law of the People’s Republic of China on the Administration of Activities of Overseas Non-Governmental Organizations within the Territory of China (hereinafter referred to as Administration Law) since January 1, we would like to notify as follows on relevant issues about the programs carried out by adoption agencies such as the One-to-One Assistance Program, Journey of Hope Program, and Summer/Winter Hosting Program based on the regulations of the Administrative law and conclusions of competent authorities:

I. All activities concerning the One-to-One program, Journey of Hope Program, and Summer/Winter Hosting Program will be terminated. For children who have been assessed by adoption agencies through the One-to-One program before the enactment of the Administrative Law and whose reports have not been submitted to CCCWA, if their reports are submitted through the provincial department of civil affairs to CCCWA before December 31, 2017 (subjected to the approval date of the provincial department), CCCWA will post these files to the specific list of the original adoption agency. Agencies are requested to look for children within required deadline, otherwise the files will be withdrawn by CCCWA when the deadline is closing.

II. Foreign adoption agencies should abide by the business scope specified in the registration when working in China. No activities with inter-country adoption as the purpose are allowed when agencies work in welfare and charity related activities.

III. Adoption agencies should look for adoptive families according to the requirements outlined in the Review Points for Decision on the Eligibility of Foreigners Adopting from China and avoid hasty placements without discretion within the deadline.

China Center for Children’s Welfare and Adoption Center

Adoption agency partnerships terminated. Advocacy trips into orphanages under the umbrella of adoption agencies terminated. Hosting programs that bring harder-to-place waiting children to America for the purpose of advocacy that have had nearly 100% success rates in placing those children terminated.

I knew it was coming. That didn’t make it not sting at first read…and keep stinging during second and third reads. Terminated is just harsh, like all of us invested in adoption and orphan care in China found ourselves sitting in a leatherette chair on the vulnerable side of an executive desk and were all just fired. No warm I’m sorry. We need to downsize. Just Pack up your desk. You’re terminated.

Press pause. Stop.

There are people behind this announcement. And, those people, those governing authorities who surely sat around a board table and wrote these words are likely the same ones who labored through writing the new rules for people who want to adopt from China, literally pages of rules about finances and physical and emotional health and family size and length of time between adoptions and ages between children. Those rules aren’t arbitrary; whether or not we agree each one of them, they’re the rules they corporately believe set children up best long term.

The way things have looked for years is going to be different. The 1:1 partnership program with adoption agencies partnering with specific orphanages will stop as of December 31st as will hosting programs and Journey of Hope trips which bring teams of volunteers to China for the specific purpose of advocacy. There is no other information about what the program will look like after December 31st. But, I have no reason to believe that the program won’t be good. It very well could be better.

That word in Mandarin translated to terminated is 停止, tíngzhǐ. It just means stop which somehow makes it easier to read. And, just a few lines later there are other words that speak a whole lot of hope: when agencies work in welfare and charity related activities. When agencies work in social welfare (aka orphanages) and in philanthropic activities, they can’t be for the purpose of adoption. When agencies work in social welfare (aka orphanages) and in philanthropic activities, they have to be genuine acts of charity for charity’s sake. Yes, yes, good.

This announcement is no longer stinging when I read it the fourth and fifth time.

I don’t know what international adoption from China will look like in 2018 except for knowing that it will remain. I haven’t been fired. None of us have been fired. We’ve just been told the business model is changing in a big way. I may look a little dumbfounded, but I’m thanking the boss for letting me know in advance and then I’m respectfully leaving the office, looking around at my coworkers tonight and saying “well, okay then.” We have work to do; let’s figure out how to make sure we can keep on doing it.

No related posts.

Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: adoption, Advocating, China, The Sparrow Fund

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