My Overthinking

Philly Area mom, Life forever changed by adoption

Our Adoption Journey: Part 2

It’s taken me over 3 months to write Part 2 after Part 1. That’s because it wasn’t the easiest thing to write.

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10 years after Part 1. Somehow, I manage to snag the sweetest, most faithful bachelor on this side of the Mississippi (and maybe beyond that). Don’t know how that happened, but I’m so thankful that it did. Considering the years before I met him, I really should have ended up with a real loser.

We married in September 1998 and bought our first pad the following spring, a cute little townhouse we were so excited to call our own.

Those first couple years were fun years. I was working part-time while getting my Masters’ degree in Biblical Counseling. We had a great small group and were active in ministry together. We were learning to live together and how to “be married.” And, I started dreaming about starting a family.

Mark wasn’t the dreamer that I was about talking about babies. For some reason, he wasn’t oogling over ladies walking by with babies in strollers like I was or thinking about what names would just sound perfect together. He wanted to wait a while.

I still remember very clearly the moment I found my dreams threatened. Mark had a doctor’s appointment, and I was with him. The doctor read over his chart and noticed a childhood surgery Mark had had that he casually noted on the information page he had just completed. The doctor said, “Do you plan on having children?” Mark and I sorta nervously laughed as I’m sure Mark blushed and as I was thinking, “Why is he asking us that? Is it that obvious that I’m dreaming of pink and blue and Mark is not?” He went on to say, “You are likely infertile. You will probably have to use a specialist if you want to have children of your own.”

What? Shock, anger, fear set in. And, we wasted no time with getting more tests done. I had to know.

“It will be nearly impossible for you to conceive.” Those were the words I heard over the phone. And, I hung up and fell to the ground in tears.

“Let’s adopt,” Mark said. “Maybe this is God’s way of telling you to adopt,” my mom told me, “You always had a heart for adoption.”

No. I don’t want to adopt. I want to be pregnant. I don’t want to have some profile that some pregnant girl skims through to decide if we’re good enough. I don’t want to wait forever for a baby. I know someone who waited 10 years to be chosen. And, I want a baby, a little, folded up bundle of a baby. And, we count every penny. Adoption costs thousands of dollars. We don’t have that kind of money. I don’t want to. I don’t want to adopt.

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and, I admit, it validates me.


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Living out James 1:27 from my dining room

I was simply searching for an African doll. That’s all. I emailed a missionary who our church supports, knowing she works with village women who do crafts. Maybe one of them could make a doll. The missionary told me she no longer worked with those women but gave me an email to get in touch with one, Mary Magdalene.

All I did was send her a simple email asking if she or one of the women she works with could make a doll.

But, her response left me stunned. She told me that only 4 days earlier–she gave me even the exact time of day–she had cried out to the Lord asking him to bring someone to buy her crafts.

She had been widowed twice, both husbands had been killed in war, leaving her with 9 children to raise on her own. But, what we would see as a desperate situation did not stop her from bringing 7 orphaned children into her home. One of the children she now cares for was abandoned at the age of 6 because it was discovered that she is HIV+, which she contracted from her parents, the ones who abandoned her. Mary is a strong and faithful woman who trained women in her village to make beads and helped them learn how to sell them in the marketplace. They pool the money made and split it between them so that all are provided for.

But, here she was, crying out for provision, desperate to see God at work. 4 days later, she received my email. I encouraged her to send me what she had–I will find people to buy it, I told her. Just send it, I said. And, she did. She sent jewelry and more jewelry and handmade animals and more jewelry…and two little dolls. The dolls that started it all.

So, here I am with a dining room full of what some may see as paper beads and small animals but what I see as precious jewels and treasures, created by women sitting together in community, caring for the least of these, in faith that He will provide.

Join me in being part of God’s promise to them.

Email me or contact me via Facebook where pictures will be posted for purchase. Or, visit the dedicated page I just created on We Are Grafted In with pictures of some of the pieces as well.

Wrap bracelets ~ $15
Shorter and Medium length necklaces ~ $15
Double strand necklaces and Extra Long necklaces that double over ~ $15
Earrings ~ $5
Animals ~ $7

Prices are marked slightly above cost so that I can send her the amount owed her as quickly as possible. Any profits above and beyond the cost of the pieces will be given to The Sparrow Fund with Mary Magdalene’s full support. 

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The hatching of The Sparrow Fund

I remember our first conversations about adopting a child with special needs rather than continuing to wait for what could be many years for a healthy baby from China. Reading through the list of needs we would consider was daunting. Having to check “yes,” “no,” or “maybe” was near terrifying. But, we managed to check a few things off on that list, a list that would be amended maybe 30 times over the next 10 months, and returned it to our adoption agency with the following words: “we feel like we need to be open to the child God has for us. We do not know if she is in the sn program or not. But, we are opening ourselves to that possibility.” On the same day, I sent an email to another adoptive mother saying, “The idea of the pressure of responding quickly is scary to me as is the idea of pursuing a child only to find out that she is ‘taken.’ We want to be open to what God may have for us, but this sure is scary.” And, so started the hardest part of our wait to meet our daughter, a season of learning to trust God in a way I’ve never had to trust before.

In the midst of that, we were fortunate to be cared for and counseled by professionals in adoption from CHOP. They didn’t have all the answers as you can read in our referral story–but that is what made our referral story the very special one that God had planned for us, one that clearly confirmed His hand. These doctors and specialists have been an awesome resource for us from helping us look closely at the files of children we thought may be our child, to providing counsel to us via skype when we were frantic in China when Lydia became very sick, to giving her assessments and making sure we were doing all we could for her after we got home, to connecting us with the specialists we needed for her individual needs, to providing us support in our attachment process via email and phone calls, to simply encouraging us when they felt we needed some encouragement. I may be their biggest fan.

This past fall, Mark told me about an idea he had for starting a nonprofit to give grants to families so that they could experience this type of support. As full as my plate was already, I felt my heart leap at the idea. We did not know of anyone offering grants for this purpose. There was a need. And, ideas starting spilling out about how we could meet it and how God could use these efforts for significant Kingdom work.

We adopted because we felt God’s call to do so. We wanted to grow our family, and we both felt like God called us to this journey. We didn’t set out to do more than that. But, we came home from China as changed people. I cannot explain it any other way really. The heart of our family beats for the children around the world and for supporting families who feel called to bring them home.

We united with a few kindred spirits and stepped out again onto unfamiliar paths. And, so The Sparrow Fund was born. 

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Come read my husband’s words about The Sparrow Fund here. And, go to the facebook page and “like” it.
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In support of the work that The Sparrow Fund is doing and to help get that work rolling, the following retailers have very generously agreed to donate to The Sparrow Fund 10% of their total sales during the entire month of May! (They totally rock.) Please visit these retailers’ sites and plan what you will buy come May (I’ve got my eyes on a few goodies myself!) and personally thank them for supporting adoption and the work of The Sparrow Fund!

Girly Girl BowtiqueWild Poppy
Two Broads design button
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There’s still room for you! If you would like your store to be a part of this May fundraising event, please contact The Sparrow Fund to be added to this post and future posts as part of this effort. I’ll make sure you get a lot of face time for your contribution!
Click on these buttons below once a day–

it will bring new viewers and more attention to what we’re doing for adoptive families

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383

When you have a child who was not with you from before he or she was born, when you don’t share memories of those first movements in the womb, when you don’t have pictures of your belly growing or video of their first coos, you cling to what you do have.

One of the ways I do that is by remembering significant dates. These dates don’t call for a party with balloons and streamers. But, they are significant nonetheless. Perhaps they are even more significant than the balloons-and-streamers dates. They make me take pause. Just stop and remember with the One who remembers all of those dates and then some. And, smile.

Some of these dates will be on our calendar every year–the day we got the call about Chen Mei Yue and saw her sweet face for the first time, the day we met her for the first time and received her into our arms, the day we arrived home and she met her brothers and sister and we were completed.

Today is not one of those days. Today is different. We won’t recognize it again. It’s just today.

383. Lydia lived 383 days without us. And, now, today, she has lived 383 with us. Starting tomorrow, she will have lived with us longer than she lived without us.

And, that feels good.

I’ve heard that real attachment takes about as long as your child lived without you. I always thought that was sort of arbitrary. For a 2 year old, does it take 2 years to attach? A 3 year old, 3 years? But, here we are, 383 days after we received her when she was 383 days old. And, maybe there is something to that “rule.”

Our attachment is still growing, maturing with new experiences, made clear through times like my weekend away when I really missed my baby and realized that she missed me too. But, I know it’s real. And, there’s something that just increases its clarity even more knowing that we are now on the plus side, the “more” side of the calendar.

She’s ours. And, she’s not going anywhere….in a matter of speaking.

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