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My Overthinking

Philly Area mom, Life forever changed by adoption

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Sunday Snapshot: {Reunion}

8.8.11

There’s something so fun about taking the girls away–just the 3 of us–to stay in a special room with two beds and our own bathroom (oh, and air conditioning too). That in an of itself would be enough. Add in a bunch of other families who have come together through this thing called adoption, and things just got sweeter.

While the Raudenbush boys hit Lost River Cavern and learned about stalagmites and did other boy stuff like a Lego store visit, a diner dinner, and get introduced to Harry Potter, the girls headed up North a bit with a bag of camp snacks (aka goldfish, poptarts, and M&Ms).
Apparently, my weather channel app was in the dark since the 30% chance of rain translated into total. complete. downpour. So, no pontoon boat rides. And, no bonfire. But, we managed to find things to keep us busy inside.

(some more creative than others)
But, rain was not surprising to the One who sent that rain. And, all afternoon, conversations were buzzing and connections were made and little dark haired children were running all over the place with some blondies like mine mixed in. And, it was pretty neat to watch.
(Bouncing balls through stair openings is oh-so-much-more fun when you can do it with one of your Baoji sisters.)
As Lydia slept in her little portable crib in the corner, I snuggled with Ashlyn in her bed and we read a chapter of her fairy chapter book by flashlight and ate M&Ms. 
“Can we come here again next year?” Ashlyn asked. “We’ll try, sure.” Pause for some crunching. “Do you ever feel strange that you are not Chinese like most of the kids here?” She thought a minute, “Sometimes, but it’s fun. I like it.” And, that was that. 
After some (wet) golfing this morning, we had a little devotional time together which started out with some piano playing by two of the Chinese girls. 
When everyone applauded for their second song, Ashlyn leaned over and whispered, “Their first song was SO good. Maybe next year, I can get up and do some Chinese dancing I learn in my class this year.” 

Sunday Snapshot

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Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: adoption, why can't they just stay little forever

"We’re Adopting!"

7.23.11

Ah, vacation…time to read a bit, think a bit, and even write a bit in between trips to the arcade down the street, canon balls in the pool, digging holes in the sand, and ice cream.

This week alone, I connected with two families actively fundraising for their first adoptions and two families who just announced they are adopting for the first time and adopting again. I have the joy of hearing a lot of “We’re Adopting!” and “We’re adopting again!” announcements. And, each one gets me pretty excited. ONE MORE child with a forever family; ONE LESS orphan in the world. It’s a pretty beautiful thing, folks.

Some of you may not hear that announcement as often and may not always know how to respond when you do. I don’t claim to be an expert—I’m an adoptive aunt to one and we’ve embarked on this adventure only once ourselves. Though my experience is limited, I think some principles are pretty universal.

So, next time you hear someone say, “We’re going to adopt” . . .

  1. Please demonstrate excitement – It’s a good thing! It’s not a consolation prize that a couple is settling for because they “cannot have children of their own.” If the couple has experienced infertility, they have made the decision now to invest themselves in becoming a family through adoption. Do some cartwheels and jump up and down.
  2. Please don’t offer the infamous cliché – “Oh, now I’m sure you will get pregnant!” or “Oh good! Seems like as soon as someone decides to adopt, they get pregnant.” Not true and a downright not good thing to say. Just don’t. Please.
  3. Please don’t freak them out – Just like how you don’t tell a newly pregnant woman about the woman you know who just miscarried or the tragic story of a baby lost at birth, please don’t hear the word “adoption” and proceed to share some stories about a tragic story you heard on the news or someone you know who waited forever or a birthmother who changed her mind after a month or whatever. Couples starting out in the adventure of adoption likely already have a bit of fear in them—as all new parents do—and you don’t need to grow that fear.
  4. Please respect their child’s home country – While we have a passion for China, I recognize that not all adoptive families may have a particular passion for their child’s home country if they are adopting internationally. But, even if they don’t, please do not insult the people of that country or the child’s birth family for the choice they made. Feel free to ask questions if you do not understand the culture and why there are orphans there available for adoption. But, in so doing, do not make judgmental or negative remarks about the people particularly in front of biological and/or adopted children. And, part of respecting their child’s home country includes not critiquing their choice of programs (i.e., “Why wouldn’t you just adopt from here?” or something along those lines). Simply encourage.
  5. Please be intentional with your verbage – While not all adoptive parents are sensitive about what words people use, it’s always better to be cautious and respectful with your words. Their child is their child, not like their own child. Use the terms birth mother and birth father, not real mother and father. The adoptive family is very much the child’s real family.
  6. Please don’t make saints of the adoptive family – There are many more families now making the choice to adopt to grow their families for reasons other than infertility. Amen! But, don’t praise the family by telling them how lucky the child is to have them or how wonderful they are to rescue this child. It can be pretty uncomfortable. And, that type of praise actually can be harmful if said in the presence of their children—biological and/or adopted children. Instead, simply encourage them for following God’s call for their family. That’s enough.
  7. Celebrate! – The typical baby shower typically won’t work to celebrate the arrival or pending arrival of an adopted baby, toddler, or older child. Think creatively! Consider getting girlfriends together for a Nesting Party during which you can help your friend paint the child’s room or even simply clean her house. If the family doesn’t know the age or gender of the child who will be coming home, consider having a book party simply to grow their children’s library. Gifts for new parents can be super helpful and needed. But, perhaps more than the gifts, simply the attention given to the family (okay, fine, mother) and the message sent that friends and family are rallying around this child can mean a whole lot more than gifts and last a whole lot longer.
  8. Assure them you will care for them after the fact – In our circles—and I hope in most—when a family brings home a newborn, their church and/or neighbors help through providing meals, babysitting for other children, grocery runs, etc. This is not simply because a woman is recovering from childbirth; it’s because a family has just completely changed their dynamics, and it takes a while to get your bearings. Adopting a child is no different. In fact, having brought home biological newborns and one toddler via adoption, I think I needed care more after our adoption than after recovering from labor and delivery. Please don’t equate labor with need for care. Adoptive moms need that care too.

Anything you’d add to that list?

______________
Don’t forget to come on by this post, read my review of my newest read, and leave a comment to win your own copy so I’ve got someone to talk to about it, okay? 

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Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: adoption

Bright Ocean

7.17.11

Vacation. Sweet days of sunshine, swimming, a 6 lb. bag of gummi bears, and melting ice cream. And, reading and resting and reflection. 
Today, I stood at the waves edge, holding Lydia’s hand as she giggled and jumped over the surf. And, I thought of Jenna‘s Cooper. 
I have a fascination with names. All of our children have names rich with meaning that we share with them at every opportunity. In just two words (Evan Miles, Ashlyn Kate, Andrew Micah, and Lydia Mei), their names capture how God was speaking to us in that season and our desires for them. 
At this time last year, I emailed my friend Helen who partners with me in Jiayin Designs and learned the meaning of Cooper’s name for the first time–Bright Ocean. This baby boy, born with a very serious heart condition, clung to life in an orphanage in Urumchi in XinJiang province, a city known for being the very furthest from any ocean in a remote area in the very north west of China, likely named by someone who had never seen an ocean and probably never would. 
Bright Ocean. 
As I stood next to that water today, I thought of him. Perhaps he was named that because they idealized the ocean and wanted to name him something full of promise. Perhaps he was named that because they wished he’d one day travel across an ocean to a future. Perhaps he was named that because God knew that it would speak directly to Jenna and confirm to her just when she needed it that he was indeed their son. Regardless, every summer, when I stand on the edge of the bright ocean with my family, I will think of Cooper and be reminded of God’s sovereignty in every detail and of His promises sometimes spoken very simply in quiet ways but are no less powerful than the mighty waves of the bright ocean.

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Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: adoption

A Hardy Giveaway

7.9.11

I went from Cow to Queen in less than 24 hours.

Check out what I ate for breakfast…sorry, I know I’m being terribly cruel.

(And, that would be Lydia’s head in the bottom corner as she desperately tried to snag one before I snapped a picture.)
My too-sweet-for-words friend Jenna sent this to me to celebrate the anniversary of our crazy conversations back and forth, trying to find a little boy’s file who was waiting for his family, a little boy who became her son. 
I remember that weekend so clearly. I had been emailing Jenna for a long time as we had both been waiting for our Chinese children for what seemed like forever (both of us starting our adoption journeys in 2007). By July 2010, I was home with Lydia with my arms and heart full. And, Jenna still waited. I saw on a yahoo group that some boys from New Day Foster Home were on the shared list and were waiting…and waiting. I clicked on some links and saw that one of the boys was a little heart baby boy they called “Evan.” And, I knew I needed to email Jenna. 
The rest of the story is not mine to tell. But, you can go here to read more their decision to say yes to Cooper and here to read about their post-referral panic, a post that I think is a really good one for waiting families to read. And, just follow the links on the sidebar to read about their process in making him theirs, a process that was one of God directly speaking to them and guiding them. And, me? Jenna has given me way too much credit. Really, I just got to have a front row seat to watch what God was doing in this family to prepare them to parent the little boy He had had for them all along. And, it doesn’t get much better than that. 
Jenna is hosting a giveaway right now; she’s fun like that. She gets to give stuff away; and she’s doing it this time in support of The Sparrow Fund and the refugee women we support in Kenya. Head on over to this post and enter to win one of two pieces of your choice from the Etsy store The Nest. And, give Jenna some love for me, Queen for the day.
Now, off to eat another strawberry.

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Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: adoption, Kelly

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