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My Overthinking

Philly Area mom, Life forever changed by adoption

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Dear Mr. Coulthard

8.12.12

We can spend $5,000 on a pedigree pet or just go to the Humane Society with $50.. You can spend $50,000 or more bringing an orphan from overseas or pay a tenth of that from a US orphanage. Either way your helping an unwanted child. Personally I think charity starts at home.

Oh, Mr. Coulthard, so many things to say, where do I start?

  1. Adoption isn’t charity. Charity is giving money to a cause that pulls on your heart strings. Adoption is growing your family. A child needs a family; your family needs a child. In this thing we call adoption, those two needs are met. So, unless you are meaning to use the word charity in it’s New Testament context meaning agape love that both glorifies and reflects the very nature of God, adoption isn’t charity. 
  2. Every single child is precious. Every child of every race from every culture from every country, children born in the United States and children born across the world. Healthy children and children born with profound special needs. The amount of money a family spends in order to finalize an adoption is not an indicator of that child’s worth. Families who spend a lot of money in order to adopt a child internationally are not doing so because those children are somehow more valuable than children in their backyard. There’s a lot more to it than that. 
  3. You seem to be trying to make an argument that people should be adopting waiting children in the U. S. rather than adopting waiting children from other parts of the world. I assume when you refer to U.S. “orphanages,” you are referring to children in either group homes or foster care. In the U.S. right now, we have about 400,000 children who fit that description. Only between 20-25% of those children are actually available for adoption. The average age of those children available for adoption is 8 years old. Adopting a waiting child from the United States isn’t so easy–and doesn’t cost $5,000, for the record.
  4. We are talking about children. Children. Please do not ever, ever, ever try to compare my child or any child to a dog or any other animal for that matter. Each one of my children–the three I birthed and the 1 who was born to another I share the title “mother” with–are human beings made in the image of God Himself. They are not pets or trophies or marketing tools. 

Anytime you want to talk more about the adventure of adoption, let me know. I know a lot of mothers to children from all over and some people who were adopted themselves who would be glad to talk to you, I’m sure, about the truth of adoption.

Any takers?

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Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: adoption

Encouraging My Sister {East African Orphan Summit}

8.10.12

Since I connected with Mary over a year ago, she has shared with me many times how being a part of blessing adoptive families through The Nest has been a joy to her.

The woman who birthed 9 children and mothers an additional 7 has said that.

She has worked to unite refugee women from feuding tribes. She has pursued training and support to do this. She has taught women in need skills to provide for their families. And, she has given sacrificially to women and children around her.

But, she has expressed to me how her heart longs to care for the fatherless and how so many don’t share that heart around her.

When I learned that there was an orphan summit in the city where Mary lives, I knew we had to make sure she got there. And, today, she did. Her older sons escorted their mother to the summit and even managed to take a few pictures to send me. The pictures are grainy, but the 1,000 words are in high definition.

Looks a bit different from stateside orphan summits. I have no idea how many people were there today. But, I know the one person I wanted to be there was there and she was there with her own sons and other kindred spirits.

She emailed me when she got home:

I came back so changed and filled with peace and joy during the meeting. I felt in me the testimony and blood of the I AM. God counts on us about the orphans. It is our duty to care for the orphans. My sister Kelly, God wants us to put our faith in motion through caring for the others. We are to be caretakers. He is the bread winner. He supplies all our needs through modelling what God did through Jesus Christ. How I wish you were there.

I can’t be there with her in Nairobi right now. And, I may never be. But, my heart is full knowing that she was there today and left encouraged, full of a heart longing to serve God right where she is.

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Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: adoption, The Sparrow Fund

"How could we not…"

8.1.12

It is likely that in a few days, Lou Xiaoying will die. Her kidneys will give up, and she will die. Across the world, as people watch the Olympics on their televisions or go shopping for school supplies, her death will not be mourned, her name will remain foreign.

But, this woman will leave a legacy that brings me to my knees.

Living in poverty, rummaging trash to find anything she could sell or recycle in some way, she has changed the world.

The whole thing started when I found the first baby, a little girl back in 1972 when I was out collecting rubbish. She was just lying amongst the junk on the street, abandoned. She would have died had we not rescued her and taken her in. Watching her grow and become stronger gave us such happiness and I realized I had a real love of caring for children. I realized if we had strength enough to collect garbage how could we not recycle something as important as human lives.

Over the last 40 years, she has found and saved more than 30 children abandoned on the streets of Jinhua in Zhejiang province. Four of these children became her own–the youngest of whom is now only 7, found when she was 82 years old. No orphan name for this child; she named him Zhang Qilin, meaning rare and precious. All the others, she nursed to health and then found homes for them with other families to continue her sweet care.

More than 30 children rescued by God’s hand through the wrinkled and weathered hands of an old woman.

If I saw her on the street myself, if I smelled her, saw her tattered clothes, what would I do?

If she tried to ask me a question, would I avoid looking into her eyes and pick up my speed, assuming she was trying to take advantage of me?

Wealthy white American.

How could I?

Xiaoying, you are rare and precious. You have changed the world. Giving purpose and respect and mercy. Sacrificing what little you had for a greater mission. One by one, you have changed the world.

Read the full news article about Xiaoying here.

Special thanks to Kristen for sharing Xiaoying’s story with me. 

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Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: adoption, China

Their words, their hearts

7.24.12

That’s Gabby with one of her brothers. She’s been home one year. And, she is really something amazing.

Her mom blogged today about sweet Gabby’s heart, the heart of an orphan no more, a sweet daughter who knows the pain of being without a family and who aches for those who still live with that pain. 
She saw some pictures of some children still waiting on her computer, children from her own orphanage who she knew not long ago. These children will soon “age out,” meaning that they will turn 14 and no longer be eligible for adoption. 
You know how Gabby responded to that? 
She cried. 
She’s headed back to China next year and will visit the orphanage where she once lived and the children still there. And, she wants to love on them and plans to tell them about Jesus. But, she felt so very small and told her mama, “But I’m too little. No one will listen to me.” To which, my friend Branda replied that that’s not what God says (1 Tim 4:12).

That’s Christina. She lives in Texas now but was born in Wuhan, Hubei Province where she lived in a foster home with her best friend and the only sister she ever knew. That’s the little girl beside her in purple, who is about 3-3 1/2 now, who she calls “All All.” 
Everyday, Christina asks her mommy and daddy about her sister. “I sad; I want to see All All.” 
She loves her family and is loved by them beyond measure. But, she longs for the one person she could count on when all else was unpredictable. They know All All was matched with another family. But, where she lives now and who this family is remains a mystery. And, Christina’s heart is heavy in a way a  child’s heart should not feel. 

On vacation at the beach last week, I read a few books; I’m a reader. One of them was An-Ya and Her Diary, Diane Rene Christian’s (an adoptive mom of 2 girls from China) debut novel.

It’s fiction–not her daughter’s stories or any one girl’s story–yet, An-ya, a girl adopted from China at school age, completely came to life to me in a way that I wasn’t expecting. Her struggle to fit in, her anger and grief, her strained relationship with her adoptive mother and her questions about her first mother, her getting her first period and not knowing what to do, her parents clear efforts to walk her through her trauma and help her be the young girl she didn’t get to be, her memories of the children who lived with her in the orphanage in China, her desire to find the young girl with albinism she basically mothered though imperfectly when they lived together there…

Reading Diane’s words–An-ya’s diary entries–words like “I never imagined that being adopted was going to mean so much work” and words like “So you think we are lucky? You think we are lucky to not know anything about who our family was before now? How does that make us lucky?”–and beginning to grasp what may be the experience for children like Gabby and like Christina is enough to make your soul ache.

Read Gabby’s words, words that her mom is going to share regularly on her blog. Help her to know she has a voice. 

If you know folks who have adopted from China, share Christina’s picture with her precious sister and friend All All. Help her find All All and keep healing from her loss. 
Such doable ways to enter into their suffering and serve. 

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Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: adoption, Reviews

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