My Overthinking

Philly Area mom, Life forever changed by adoption

She knows I wished for her

Gotcha Day book and horse1

March 28th. We don’t throw a party. With 3 of the 4 children with birthdays in March, the decision about that came easy. But, even if the day we received her fell in a month all its own, we wouldn’t hang streamers and make a whole lot of noise. It’s a special day. We talk about it. We give some extra hugs that day. And, we always have Chinese food just because. Maybe we give her a little something just to say I love you—this year, a personalized book and a little handmade horse from her birth place.

Gotcha Day book and horse2

Maybe this March 28th was just like others for our little girl. No revelations, no epiphanies, no new questions she hasn’t asked before. It was dimples and playing as usual. But, it was different for me this year because I was just there. I just walked the same path we walked as my heart beat fast crossing a busy street to the Civil Affairs Office where we’d meet her. I heard the same morning noises as various music played in the park while people performed their morning exercises, competing against the honking of car horns for attention. I rode the same elevator we rode when we first brought our baby back to our room. I even had the hotel open the same room where we stayed four years ago so that I could see it again and take pictures and remember that feeling when we opened the door and saw a little crib in there by our bed.

Experiencing all of that again made me long even more to tell her how she’s our wish come true, how years of holding tightly to the dream of her like I was clinging to the string of a balloon all made sense when we met her on March 28th, 2010.

Gotcha Day book and horse3

‘A long time ago,’ said Mama to Lydia, ‘a wish started growing in my heart. At first, it was a quiet wish that nobody knew. Then it became an out-loud wish that grew and grew and grew. Until one day, my wish came true.’

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If you are interested in making your own personalized adoption book of I Wish For You from Put Me in the Story, use the discount code WISH20 to get you 20% off until May 2. There’s something about seeing your name in print that makes going through your story on a 5-year-old level really fun.

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Yes, No, Maybe*

Neatly laid out in Times New Roman in alphabetical order are a list of labels, special needs, what China calls diseases.

Albinism…Anal atresia…Cerebral palsy…Cleft lip/cleft palate…Club foot…Congenital heart disease…Delayed development…Down syndrome…Hemofacial macrosomia…Hemangioma…Microtia…Syndactyly…

Some of them you’ve heard of. Others you struggle to pronounce, and you wonder if they’re even in English. Little “x”s in columns with a ball-point pen seemingly have the power to determine the rest of your life.

Yes.

No.

Maybe.

Every adoption agency’s going to make you do it. And, even if it wasn’t inevitable to the adoption process, it’s important to think through. Are you willing and able to walk a child through multiple surgeries? Does your insurance company cover serial casting? speech therapy? prosthetics? hearing aids? Do you live close to specialists? Can you afford to travel if you don’t? Do you feel uncomfortable about physical differences that will invite even more questions? You have to have the conversations, as uncomfortable as they are, even though they make you squirm in your seat.

But, there’s something very important you have to remember—real life children who don’t lay neatly on a page in alphabetical order.

KangMing6
He hates bananas and loves to dance.

MeiNuo8

Don’t even try to take a cracker out of this one’s hands.

YaLi4
She likes to ride behind a buddy on a plasma car.

XiaoYue8

She’s pretty serious except when you tickle her and blow air in her face.

They may be listed in an orderly fashion by name, birthdate, and disease on a database that your social worker can easily sort. But, do not be deceived by the order of it all. Every child listed there is very much a four-dimensional child who is way more than a special need.

Let your YESes be YESes. And, do not be afraid to let your NOs be NOs. But, maybe, just maybe, there should be more MAYBEs than anything else with a very un-neat * disclaimer handwritten on the bottom that says something like this—

*We do not necessarily feel called to parent a child with this diagnosis assigned to him or her. But, we are not comfortable closing the door on the possibility that He may call us to a particular child and that that child may come with this label. So, unless you hear differently from us while we wait, consider this a MAYBE because we’re holding this whole process in our hands loosely with hearts not only willing but desiring only to do that which He’s called us to do.

Feel free to blame me if your social worker has a mini panic attack. I can take it.

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#TogetherCalled to rest

together called 2014 fireI’ve realized something lately. I’ve realized it over the last few months as we’ve prepared for this day. I’ve seen it; I’ve experienced it. There’s a lot of weary going around. It is not the kind of weary that means tired. Being tired is something a good night’s sleep and a tall cup of coffee can fix. It’s deeper than that. It’s w e a r y, an exhaustion that fills what can seem like a never ending season of winter.

We added something new to Together Called this year. Some couples come this weekend to be fed and simply be able to reconnect with each other. That’s great. Other couples come to Together Called to be fed, maybe reconnect with each other, but also connect with other couples who “get it.” This year, we wanted to be intentional about helping them do that. The weekend goes by fast, so we have tried to do some work ahead of time so that they can skip some of the higher level conversation and get to the conversation that we all really are looking for anyway. We asked couples to fill out an online survey of sorts, noting areas they could use someone’s connection and areas where they may be able to pour into others.

As the responses came in, the weariness became visibly apparent in the form of an Excel spreadsheet on the screen in front of us. Nearly 1/4 of the couples coming this weekend shared that they fell into the category of coming up for air and asked for someone to connect with them to encourage them.

Weary.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. -Matthew 11:28

That’s what we want these couples to get this weekend. We’ve got great stuff planned, gifted speakers, good food, warm fires. But, we don’t want Together Called to be their tall cup of coffee. We want to point them to the One who called them in the first place and calls them still when they’re in the hard places and when things seem to be working out okay.

We are coming weary and burdened. We pray that we will leave having experienced rest and understanding that life with Jesus can be rest even in the midst—perhaps more so in the midst—of brokenness and the tender pain of the grafting process, that He desires to us to experience rest in Him because He is our Father and simply loves us because we are His.

Come, friends. Come, and let’s share the weariness and find rest together.

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