I went to a Mother’s Day function today.

If you happened to be a part of that function, it was very nicely done. The food spread was really nice. Thank you very much. And, you can stop reading now.

For the rest of you, what an awful time it was! I arrived with Lydia in tow, got a plate of sugary sweet goodies I really should be avoiding, a cup of coffee that I should also be avoiding, and looked around for where to sit.

I was reminded why wedding seating arrangements are good ideas.

I could not find a single woman I knew better than simply recognizing her face in passing. And, no name tags to help me. Hmm…. and, there it was – a nearly empty table. Only a classy looking grandmother and a 2 year old were there. It was my best bet…I thought.

“Do you mind if I join you?” “No, no, go ahead.”

Seconds later, mom came, and mom’s friend with her 2 year old. Then, another friend. And, they all started talking.

Like I wasn’t there. Really.

I chatted with Lydia and pointed out to her the pictures up front that she would find interesting.

And, they kept talking.

Okay, this is getting awkward. If they are not going to say anything to me at all, I need to try to look for a window of opportunity and try to break into the conversation. So, when I heard the words “Disney World,” you know I started talking. But, right as I did, another friend arrived. And, the window was closed as all their attention went right to her. And, there was no room for her. Okay, now this is really awkward. Clearly, I did not belong. Maybe I should offer to leave? No, that might be weirder. She pulled up a chair and started talking with their full attention.

How long do we have to sit here? Has it only been 10 minutes?

That’s when the hostess announced that the flowers in the center would be given to someone special at the table, the woman who had the most children. At this point, I’m thinking, “okay, here’s my chance.” Well, since all those women knew each other and their number of children, they turned to the grandmother and said, “Well, they are yours because you have 8 grandchildren.” No one asked me how many children I had.

Here’s my window. “I have 4 children,” I say proudly.

silence. stares. maybe I should’ve just stayed quiet.

“4?” one asks me. “Yup, 9, 7, 5, and 2.” “This is your 2 year old?” “Yup,” as I brush her hair from her face.

“Wow.” and another second of the staring.

(From what I gathered eavesdropping from 6″ away, they all had 2 kids each.)

Then, they just started talking again about Jamaica and restaurants and other such things. While I sat there with Lydia, my only friend at the table.

As soon as the program was over, seemingly hours later (okay, it was like 10 more minutes), one of the ladies announced at the table, “I’m treating everyone to lunch. Let’s go. Come on, my treat.” And, there was a mass exodus as they all left for their nice restaurant. And, there we were, right there at the table.

Now there’s some Mother’s Day love for ya.

At least they left the flowers for me…which I proudly picked up and are now sitting on my old kitchen table in my outdated kitchen.