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My Overthinking

Philly Area mom, Life forever changed by adoption

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My to-do list

7.16.13

They’re pretty much everywhere. If they aren’t scribbled quickly between lines on a page, they’re scribbled quickly in my head or in the form of mail littering my dining room table or wooden play food put away all wrong in the play kitchen.

Hello, Kelly. Don’t forget about me. Add me to your list. 

The tone of a new text message or that mocks me in the form of a loud vibration that is full of sound when my need to tune out leads me to turn off the sound. The kind reminder to do laundry in the form of someone yelling about not having a clean towel for the pool. The alarm clocks for lunch time that sound remarkably like 4 children’s voices in unison saying, “I’m hungry. I’m hungry. I’m hungry.”

I feel like I can become enslaved to a to-do list, a list made up in part with living beings that I named myself.

Please tell me I’m not the only one.

There’s a list on my frig. The words are made up of faded red color ink though I think they started as black. It isn’t special paper and has often lost its prominent place to a Star Wars drawing, field trip permission slip, library story time schedule. But, when those things get shuffled as they always do, this list always stayed.

It reads:

Make the gospel apparent.

Guide.

Warn.

Cheer.

My alarm clocks are all asleep now. And, it’s fairly quite aside from the cries of our air conditioner window unit fighting a losing battle. And, I’m saying right here on this space to whoever is out there, there’s my to-do list.

Tomorrow, beds won’t make themselves and there won’t be any magical lego magnet corraling those babies off my basement floor. But, this mama? I’m going to make the gospel apparent. I’m going to guide, warn, and cheer. And, while I’m at it, I may feed a few hungry mouths and answer a few of my emails in the process. We’ll see.

gospel list

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Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: daily life

Yes, my 4-year-old still takes a bottle

7.10.13

bottle feeding

At 12 1/2 months old, most mothers are training their babies to take a sippy cup.

When our daughter was 12 1/2 months old, we were training her how to take a bottle from us. Of course, we got nothing but support—she needed the nutrition, she needed the closeness, we needed the closeness, it fostered attachment both ways. No one questioned it.

A year later, at a chronological age of 2 with a family age of 1, maybe some people thought it odd that she still took a bottle several times a day. Being so teeny though, most people didn’t think twice about the bottle coddling going on.

Now, she’s 4…actually, 4 1/3 to be exact. And, yes, while her family age is behind that, it too is now 3 1/3.

bottle feeding 2

Every morning, this little one stumbles into our bedroom, wiping the sleep from her eyes, often with her “ren ren” (aka her most precious blanket friend ever). She climbs into bed between us, gets real close to one of our faces, and says, “Can I have a hot big bottle?”

And, every morning, one of us comes downstairs, searching for one of only 3 functional bottles we have left and give her exactly what she wants. She lays calmly in our bed and slowly sucks down a bottle of warm rice milk as she has done since soon after she came home 3 years ago. Most days, she wants another one in the afternoon when she’s feeling tired. And, she’ll predictably ask for one when she’s upset or is anxious or is just not feeling good. And, I give it to her. Then, every night before bed, she wants one more.

bottle feeding 3

Seems a little strange to give a 4-year-old a bottle still, I know. While she never is a public drinker, I’m sure if she were, we’d turn a few heads. But, here’s the thing—I. don’t. care.

For the first year of her life, arguably the most critical development time for a human being, she was not fed on demand. She was fed on a schedule, because that’s they way things work when you have lots of babies and few caregivers. What should have been comfort-giving early on likely became a race to get as much as she could before it was taken away.

One day, she’ll say to me in a tired voice, “I want my hot big bottle” as she lays on my shoulder, and someone will say, “A bottle? You don’t want a bottle. Only babies drink bottles!” At some point, she’ll hear it one too many times and decide she can’t drink a bottle anymore. But, until that day, when she tells me she’s too big for a bottle, I’ll keep stumbling downstairs to our kitchen, looking to see if any of the 3 bottles are clean to make one for her. And, I’ll hand it to her and watch her quietly drink it as she plays with my covers.

It brings her comfort, makes her feel safe, makes her feel protected, and reminds her that we’ll give her whatever she needs. Yes, my 4-year-old still takes a bottle.

bottle feeding 4

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Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: adoption, attachment, Lydia

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