• Home
  • Blog
  • The Sparrow Fund
    • Together Called
    • We Are Grafted In blog
    • Speaking
  • Jiayin
  • Contact

My Overthinking

Philly Area mom, Life forever changed by adoption

  • Home
  • Blog
  • The Sparrow Fund
    • Together Called
    • We Are Grafted In blog
    • Speaking
  • Jiayin
  • Contact

It’s not the boobs that bother me #2014top10 #4

12.31.14

Screen Shot 2014-01-09 at 10.46.17 AM
87 comments, 4,483 likes, and 1,094 shares as of 10:45 this morning of this image shared on Dave Thomas Foundation’s Facebook page.

Dave Thomas Foundation does great work advocating for children. But, I think they made a mistake promoting this particular image and identifying it as “a true gem.”

I appreciate the sentiment—parents love their children no matter how they joined the family. I didn’t miss that point. But, I have some fundamental problems with the communication of that sentiment here.

  • All my children are my children. Period. I would never introduce my kids to someone new and single out any as birth children or adopted children. Some might say I have read too many blog posts from adults who were adopted who vulnerably share feeling like they did not fit in. But, even one blog post, one conversation with someone who was adopted is enough for me to decide that as a mother of a little one who joined us via adoption, I will never single her out like this. She will be acutely aware as she grows that she looks different than the rest of us. She certainly doesn’t need me pointing that out any more.
  • Adopted is a past tense verb, not an adjective. My daughter Lydia is energetic, silly, determined, strong, physically fearless and yet emotionally fragile, independent yet utterly dependent, and incredibly beautiful. She is Chinese, and she was adopted. We adopted her. I know some are rolling their eyes and writing me off right now as overthinking everything. Go ahead, tell me I’m overthinking it all and overreacting as I do. I know it can be a character flaw. But, you know what? She’s my daughter; I can overthink it.
  • I have not and will never forget she was adopted. Her story is one that involves deep pain and weeps of the brokenness of our world and yet the sovereignty of God and redemption of broken things. When I sat before an officer of the Chinese government charged with legally approving a child of the state becoming a precious daughter of ours, I promised she would be our child, that we would care for all her needs as if she had been born to us. But, in between the lines, I also promised that I would not neglect to recognize her story and walk alongside her as she grows and processes that story through different seasons of her life. I will never forget the stories of each one of my children and treat them as if their needs are all one in the same.

All that on top of the fact that her boobs are completely wrong.

my adoption cartoon

 ______

A few hours after posting this, the Dave Thomas Foundation actually commented on my Facebook post.

Screen Shot 2014-01-09 at 6.23.40 PM
Apparently, they thought it was the boobs that bothered me.

No related posts.

Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: adoption, attachment

{Parenting is…} a kickin’ road trip #2014top10 #5

12.31.14

Typically, Pinterest serves to make me feel like a delinquent mom rather than serves to give me awesome ideas. But, every once in a while, I get inspired and reach some creative epiphany. That’s sorta what happened as I was prepping for our 7 hour road trip to VA. I suddenly found myself road-trip-activity crazy complete with loaded swag bags. Fortunately, the kiddos totally got into it which is good since I may just have had a Pinterest Pity Party had they not (which may or may have included calling them by their first and middle names and making them stay silent for 10 minutes or more).

So, in the Pinterest spirit, here’s my road-trip toolbox. Take what I did, improve it, add your own tricks to the mix, and then have a kickin’ road trip for your crew. Come back and tell me what you did to make it better too—we’ve got a few more trips coming up. And, apparently, I’ve raised the bar for family road trips now.

Swag bag contents:

  • a couple single-serving snacks (100 calorie packs of things like pretzels, a fruit roll up, etc.)
  • orange flavored tictacs which they could eat one of every hour just for fun
  • their own bag of goldfish crackers they could eat alone on the duration of the trip
  • single package of tissues
  • small bottle of Sprite
  • juice box
  • package of glow sticks from the dollar store
  • A roll of scotch tape (can’t ever have enough)
  • A binder with a pencil case stocked with a few pencils, colored pencils, a pen, and an eraser; a roadtrip map with our route highlighted (printed out from bing); some blank paper; and some blank lined paper.

I had a binder for myself stocked with copies of all the planned activities separated with dividers and labeled. I used the activities sparingly, only giving them out on the hour so that the kids had something new to look forward to and would pace themselves with each activity. Even had a few leftover when we arrived which allowed us some for the ride home which was much more low key than the ride there.

  • First activity: Cover Page – On beginning the road trip, the kids found their swag bags awaiting them at their seats, and they were presented with their Road trip binder cover printed on card stock and told to decorate them using their colored pencils (or crayons for the Lyddy Little).
  • Second activity: Name Art – I printed their names on three different pages using three different free fonts I found on www.dafont.com that were funky and fun and allowed for decoration (bad_mofo, wideawake, and bubblegums). Each child decorated his or her name and whole page. When we arrived at our destination, they hung these above their beds unprompted. Super cute.
  • Third activity: License Plate Hunt – I found this License Plate Hunt online at www.thedatingdivas.com. Even though each state seems to have an endless number of designs on license plates, the kids used this page to check off the states we found on plates and then they colored in those states on this US map from www.mrprintables.com (educational, right? I always have sucked at geography. My mom should’ve made me do this on all those VW van road trips).

US map

  • Fourth activity: License Plate Game – Inspired by the hunt and all the fun designs, I gave the kids this license plate game that I created so that they could design their own license plates. Some of them were from galaxies far, far away and uber creative.
  • Fifth activity: Scavenger Hunt – I created this scavenger hunt myself. It was a big hit and kept us all on our toes as someone would randomly yell out throughout the ride when they spotted something like a bike carrier or school bus. It also resulted in us teaching our kids how to get a trucker to blow his horn for them which is really a childhood rite of passage.
  • Sixth activity: Hangman – Hangman is self-explanatory and always fun (even when children are self-centered and think no one will ever guess that the word is their own name).
  • Seventh activity: Alphabet Game – Not so great for the younger kids, but this alphabet game I made up was really fun for my older two had were thinking of new words for the categories and the hard letters even after we arrived.
  • Eighth activity: Questionnaire – This original game of 20 Questions was a lot of fun. The kids answered for themselves and then guessed how 2 other people in the car would answer.
  • Ninth activity: Coloring Pages – I also threw in some random free coloring pages I found online like this owl coloring page. Even the boys liked this one since it was detailed.
  • Tenth activity: Madlibs – I googled “printable madlibs” and found some goodones on www.classroomjr.com that were simple and were eye catching with some color accents on the page.

road trip activities

 

Apparently, Lydia didn’t find it all as compelling as the rest of us. 7 hours after we pulled out of our driveway, we arrived in VA unscathed, actually quite cheerful where they actually told us that they had forgotten all about DS games and iPad screens.

Road trip win.

No related posts.

Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: why can't they just stay little forever

Mother–Daughter Esther Study #2014top10 #6

12.31.14

esther 4-14 mother daughter study coverWe are a family that loves tradition. We take very seriously God’s call to remember, and traditions help us do just that. They are a sort of Sabbath for us, providing an opportunity to step back from our normal busy lives and celebrate what God has done for His people and for us specifically.

When our oldest was nearing a very significant birthday that would take him from one digit to two, we decided that we’d start a tradition of a little surprise getaway alone with Mom or Dad when each child turned 10. My husband took our son Evan, a big chocolate lover, to Hershey for his man weekend. Two years later, when our daughter Ashlyn turned 10, I decided to use the time to study God’s word together, choosing Esther as the perfect book to invite conversation about standing up for what is right, having courage despite fear, living wisely, and choosing to be a part of God’s Kingdom work.

I found a great book by Pam Gibbs, Esther: The Role of a Lifetime, published by Lifeway Press. But, it was written for older girls and included content way too grown up for my daughter. So, I put this six-lesson study together, basing it very closely on Gibbs’ well-organized and well-written text, but making it a workbook to be used by a mother or leader discipling a girl in the 9-14 age range.

While it could be completed various ways, I used it with my daughter over three days, completing one lesson together at every meal using the following schedule:

Day 1 dinner: Lesson 1
Day 2 breakfast: Lesson 2
Day 2 lunch: Lesson 3
Day 2 dinner: Lesson 4
Day 3 breakfast: Lesson 5
Day 3 lunch: Lesson 6

instagram myoverthinkingWe retreated to a resort where we could sweeten our time with some pampering at a spa during the afternoon on Day 2. Not only was that super fun, but we were able to talk together about what it would have been like for Esther and the other young girls to have beauty treatments for a whole year. I also brought special matching necklaces made by my friend Rebekah at Compelled Designs that had the reference Esther 4:14 etched onto the back. I gave Ashlyn her necklace at the end of Lesson 6 when we talked about ebenezers and mementos to remember what God has done.

Since my daughter is currently Insta-obsessed, I jumped right in there with her, posting lots of pictures to Instagram during our time away. That led to a few requests for the study I used. So, here it is, available by clicking that little orange button below all these words, edited a little after our “trial run” for other moms to use with their daughters. Print out two copies, and take them to your local copy center and have them spiral bound (a fun and cheap way to make it look really good for your time together). Review it yourself before you guide your daughter through it, but save writing in your copy until you can do it together.

May God use this small thing in mighty ways, binding your hearts together as you press on to bring Him glory, as I just learned in Esther He is more than able to do.

No related posts.

Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: why can't they just stay little forever

A letter to my sister the day after she returned her foster daughter #2014top10 #7

12.31.14

I haven’t been where you were yesterday, physically taking a child back into a life of uncertainty, a life that looks from our few as far from safe. You were her advocate for 47 days—some of which felt like they would never end as she made a permanent marker and baby powder instruments of art and some that went so fast that you’re liking pining for them now, wishing you had taken one more walk, sang one more song, read one more book.

playing with orphansWhile I’ve never fostered a child who did not belong to me, I’m not a stranger to the heartache in response to a child’s brokenness. I spent one week, only one short week, with children in China who do not have families. They called me Mama. They called every woman there Mama, a constant verbal reminder of their loss. In the first 5 minutes I spent in a room there, I was drawn to a little boy. He was maybe only a few months older than your foster daughter. In no time, he’d run to me when I entered the room. I’d hold him with his little bare hiney peeking out of his split pants, and he’d fuss when I’d try to put him down. He’d push other children away who approached me in a vain attempt to claim something that could never be his. I asked the staff about him, wondering if I could somehow share his preciousness with Mark and we could come back for him. But, that cannot happen. He had been brought to the orphanage as a victim of human trafficking. At less than a year old, someone was arrested for trying to sell him for the highest price—maybe about $5,000—like we would a possession we see no more value in beyond bringing in some extra cash. Because of his history, he can never be adopted internationally; he doesn’t qualify as an “orphan” according to the definition a committee in some board room far from Shaanxi, China secured. He will grow up in the orphanage, calling every woman there Mama, his name literally meaning “minority,” forever marked as a stranger not even qualified to be grafted into a new family. The injustice is infuriating. And, the dichotomy of his life and the lives of the children in my home at the start of a hopeful summer—one of whom may have slept in the very same bed he has slept in—makes me want to foolishly bury myself in a frivolous book or movie simply to try to put it—him and all the others he represents—out of my mind.

I got up early this morning and sipped my coffee and read before the spirit of summertime arose in four little bodies here. I read 2 Corinthians 12, a familiar passage from Paul about the thorns in his flech and boasting in his weakness. He wrote God’s words to him: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” I’ve read the words lots of times before but today I thought of the little one who has been in your care and the boy I grew attached to. They could be seen as tangible images of weakness, stuck because of a system designed to serve their best interests that appears to have failed them. In their young sweetness, they just smile and run and eat their goldfish crackers or oddly-flavored Chinese saltines, oblivious to all that we see. Where’s the perfect power in their weakness?

It’s a beautiful morning. My little Chinese friend is likely asleep by now, his life dictated by a tight schedule. And, I’m sure your house is very still after 47 chaotic mornings with a two-year-old. I’m sure you are wondering what she’s doing right now. The only path to peace for us is in trusting that His power isn’t always demonstrated the way we’d like it to be. In fact, I’d say it rarely is. But, his power is still there, still with them in a crowded orphanage in China and in a little house where a little girl may be watching morning cartoons. His grace is sufficient for us and somehow He is sufficient for them. And, unless we receive a specific calling from Him to fight to radically change the system—a call I’d be willing to accept if it came as you would as well—we must rest in that sufficiency, that power in what appears to us to be hopeless, trusting that He is whispering words into their hearts that man may not utter.

God called you to foster, to care, to stand in the gap in this little one’s life for 47 days. You willingly accepted that calling and now have completed it. It seems He is calling you now to something else. I trust that whatever that is, you will fulfill it more fully because of His sufficiency to you through this season.

No related posts.

Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: adoption, Letters

  • « Previous Page
  • 1
  • …
  • 82
  • 83
  • 84
  • 85
  • 86
  • …
  • 371
  • Next Page »

Hello

I overthink everything. This blog is a prime example. Make yourself a cup of coffee and sit down for a read. Actually, make that a pot of coffee. There’s a lot of overthinking here.

Connect

Recent Posts

She’s come a long way

Gift ideas for a happy-China-traveler-to-be

Three gifts.

A letter to my friend on her adoption eve

The day my husband quit his job {reflections 5 years later}

Subscribe to keep up to date via a newsletter

Archives

Popular Posts

  • The day we met Lydia in Xi'an
  • Getting the attachment thing
  • The day my husband quit his job
  • Other places you can find my writing

Follow Along!

Categories

Recent Posts

She’s come a long way

Gift ideas for a happy-China-traveler-to-be

Copyright © 2015 | Design by Dinosaur Stew