I’m a rule follower. I like having rules, directions, step-by-step instructions. I’m the type of person who reads the manual, who follows a recipe precisely. I’m comfortable that way. Maybe it’s comfortable because if anything goes wrong, I can just say, “It’s not my fault! I did what I was supposed to do!”

How I long for step-by-step instructions as a mom. I often wish there were rules set in stone that I could claim, some recipe I could follow for total successful motherhood.

Instead, I have these —

“You can never spoil an infant. If he cries, he needs something. Hold him, feed him, etc.”
“Do not hold him all the time. You will train him to only fall asleep with help.”
“Don’t use the tv as a babysitter. It’s fills their heads with garbage.”
“Every mom needs a break in order to be a better mom. Just put a show on for an hour in the afternoon to get some time to yourself.”
“Wake up early before the children wake up so that you can spend time with God and prepare for a new day.”
“Sleep when your child sleeps. You need to take care of yourself.”

“You have to give your kids a good foundation and make them memorize verses.”
“They need to have first time obedience. Period.”
“Expect children to act like children. Give second chances and grace.”
“It is a priority to teach your kids to respect you.”
“It is a priority to teach your kids to trust you and consider you their closest confidant.”

You get the idea. These are just ones that come quickly to mind, some of the rules I’ve heard that are a bit more general. Some “rules” are more specific, directed at one of my children specifically or given in response to a specific situation. Some “rules” sound great and worked perfectly for the family sharing it, but just don’t work with my kids or with me. Some “rules” may work but I find myself wondering “why am I doing this?” Some “rules” may work at a different time or place, but are just not appropriate for us right now. And, some “rules” I just don’t think should be rules at all.

As much as I like formulas, recipes, step-by-step instructions, and rules, one thing I’ve been learning over the years with now 4 kids living in my home and growing up under my care is that there just isn’t any exact formula. After all, we are not meant to follow a, then b, then c. We are meant to follow Jesus. And, He may call me to do one thing for one of my children one day and do another thing for that child a different day. He may call me to do one thing for one of my children and another thing for one of my other children. And, just when I think I’ve figured out how to manage one of my kids, He humbles me by having them respond in a way I was not expecting or say something they’ve never said before. And, then, my “plan,” my “rules,” my “method” are shaken a bit.

Instead of trying so hard to come up with the best parenting methods and feeling guilty when I fail and proud when I taste success, I want to be a mom who knows who Immanuel is, “God with us.” I want to live like God is with me. Because, He is. I want my sighs of frustration and my “ugh” noises to be heard less and my whispers under my breath to my God–“Lord, show me your way. Guide me” to be heard more. I want to learn to stop looking for instructions and giving instructions long enough so that my ears can hear a voice behind me say, “This is the way; walk in it” (Isaiah 30:21).