My Overthinking

Philly Area mom, Life forever changed by adoption

It’s true

Dear nannies,
When we received updated pictures of the little girl in your care who was about to formally become our daughter, we were disappointed to see that you had shaved her head. The pictures of her at about 10 months old that we saw right as we sent in our letter of intent to adopt her had the sweetest little wisps of hair coming in.

Then, about a month later, you sent us new pictures and her head was completely bare.

As a perhaps typical American mama, I was a little sad to see my soon-to-be daughter with no hair since I had many hair accessories that I was excited to see on that pretty head. But, I understand that there are several reasons you had for shaving her head. Some of those reasons are practical; others are traditional. I learned that many traditional Chinese shave the heads of their babies because they believe the hair then grows in thicker and more beautiful. I did not believe this myself. I had never heard of it before and did not believe it had any scientific merit.

Well, I just wanted to write to you now and include a current picture of our daughter who we named Lydia to tell you that perhaps there is truth to that belief after all.

Sincerely,
Mei Yue’s American parents

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The hatching of The Sparrow Fund

I remember our first conversations about adopting a child with special needs rather than continuing to wait for what could be many years for a healthy baby from China. Reading through the list of needs we would consider was daunting. Having to check “yes,” “no,” or “maybe” was near terrifying. But, we managed to check a few things off on that list, a list that would be amended maybe 30 times over the next 10 months, and returned it to our adoption agency with the following words: “we feel like we need to be open to the child God has for us. We do not know if she is in the sn program or not. But, we are opening ourselves to that possibility.” On the same day, I sent an email to another adoptive mother saying, “The idea of the pressure of responding quickly is scary to me as is the idea of pursuing a child only to find out that she is ‘taken.’ We want to be open to what God may have for us, but this sure is scary.” And, so started the hardest part of our wait to meet our daughter, a season of learning to trust God in a way I’ve never had to trust before.

In the midst of that, we were fortunate to be cared for and counseled by professionals in adoption from CHOP. They didn’t have all the answers as you can read in our referral story–but that is what made our referral story the very special one that God had planned for us, one that clearly confirmed His hand. These doctors and specialists have been an awesome resource for us from helping us look closely at the files of children we thought may be our child, to providing counsel to us via skype when we were frantic in China when Lydia became very sick, to giving her assessments and making sure we were doing all we could for her after we got home, to connecting us with the specialists we needed for her individual needs, to providing us support in our attachment process via email and phone calls, to simply encouraging us when they felt we needed some encouragement. I may be their biggest fan.

This past fall, Mark told me about an idea he had for starting a nonprofit to give grants to families so that they could experience this type of support. As full as my plate was already, I felt my heart leap at the idea. We did not know of anyone offering grants for this purpose. There was a need. And, ideas starting spilling out about how we could meet it and how God could use these efforts for significant Kingdom work.

We adopted because we felt God’s call to do so. We wanted to grow our family, and we both felt like God called us to this journey. We didn’t set out to do more than that. But, we came home from China as changed people. I cannot explain it any other way really. The heart of our family beats for the children around the world and for supporting families who feel called to bring them home.

We united with a few kindred spirits and stepped out again onto unfamiliar paths. And, so The Sparrow Fund was born. 

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Come read my husband’s words about The Sparrow Fund here. And, go to the facebook page and “like” it.
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In support of the work that The Sparrow Fund is doing and to help get that work rolling, the following retailers have very generously agreed to donate to The Sparrow Fund 10% of their total sales during the entire month of May! (They totally rock.) Please visit these retailers’ sites and plan what you will buy come May (I’ve got my eyes on a few goodies myself!) and personally thank them for supporting adoption and the work of The Sparrow Fund!

Girly Girl BowtiqueWild Poppy
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There’s still room for you! If you would like your store to be a part of this May fundraising event, please contact The Sparrow Fund to be added to this post and future posts as part of this effort. I’ll make sure you get a lot of face time for your contribution!
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Sunday Snapshots: {The Theatre (please read with British accent)}

I’m a self-confessed homebody. I really am. Fortunately, my husband is to. But, he splurged for our anniversary this year with a subscription of tickets to the “theatre” (please read that with a British accent). Since dates at home often become us sitting side by side with our MacBooks (sad but true), going out for a date isn’t such a bad idea.

Creatures of habit that we are (I’m making us sound like some real winners here), Grammy came to watch the wild monkeys, and we took off for dinner in Chinatown to our favorite dive complete with wall lamps that look like UFOs, a mounted god of some sort with oranges around him, a lit framed picture of a waterfall, pink glowing ceiling lights, and a chandelier that resembles one from a cheap wedding reception venue. Oh yeah, we love the atmosphere here.

Okay, so we spend a good bit of time smiling at the atmosphere which adds to the fun really. There’s just something about the decor, the fact that we’re obviously the only white people there, and that we have to wait for the waiter who speaks English just makes us happy. Reminds us both of our time in China, and we talked about how we dream of when we could go back.

Our trip to the store to get Pocky, roasted milk tea, and some biscuits Evan loves brings it all back too. They even have solar powered cats and odd looking Mickey Mouses that wave their hands. As we stopped in the bakery to get our dessert to take to the “theatre” (don’t forget the accent) for intermission, we caught ourselves trying to convert the price from RMB to USD. But, that would have made our custard roll nearly $14.

The show was great. We both just loved it. Though we didn’t belly laugh aloud like some of the patrons around us who I’m thinking enjoyed their dinner and preshow drinks perhaps a little too much, we did laugh together and exchange those looks often. You know the looks, the looks to each other just to share an entertaining moment, enjoying it as a couple rather than as two individuals.

Even with the pouring down rain and the fact that our clothes were damp from walking around the streets of Philadelphia throughout the entire show, it was a grand evening. Ticketty boo, if I should say so myself.

Sunday Snapshot

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383

When you have a child who was not with you from before he or she was born, when you don’t share memories of those first movements in the womb, when you don’t have pictures of your belly growing or video of their first coos, you cling to what you do have.

One of the ways I do that is by remembering significant dates. These dates don’t call for a party with balloons and streamers. But, they are significant nonetheless. Perhaps they are even more significant than the balloons-and-streamers dates. They make me take pause. Just stop and remember with the One who remembers all of those dates and then some. And, smile.

Some of these dates will be on our calendar every year–the day we got the call about Chen Mei Yue and saw her sweet face for the first time, the day we met her for the first time and received her into our arms, the day we arrived home and she met her brothers and sister and we were completed.

Today is not one of those days. Today is different. We won’t recognize it again. It’s just today.

383. Lydia lived 383 days without us. And, now, today, she has lived 383 with us. Starting tomorrow, she will have lived with us longer than she lived without us.

And, that feels good.

I’ve heard that real attachment takes about as long as your child lived without you. I always thought that was sort of arbitrary. For a 2 year old, does it take 2 years to attach? A 3 year old, 3 years? But, here we are, 383 days after we received her when she was 383 days old. And, maybe there is something to that “rule.”

Our attachment is still growing, maturing with new experiences, made clear through times like my weekend away when I really missed my baby and realized that she missed me too. But, I know it’s real. And, there’s something that just increases its clarity even more knowing that we are now on the plus side, the “more” side of the calendar.

She’s ours. And, she’s not going anywhere….in a matter of speaking.

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