My Overthinking

Philly Area mom, Life forever changed by adoption

Oh Yeah She Does

She’s a greeter.

“Hi, Mommy.”

“Hi, Daddy.”

“Hi, Ev-ah.”

“Hi, Ashy.”

“Hi, Dew Dew.” (note the preferred spelling)

She must greet me spontaneously 15 times a day (correction–after counting about 6 times in one hour earlier tonight, I’m thinking it’s more like 40 times a day). We’ll be sitting in the car or at the dinner table or watching tv or whatever, and she looks over and says, “Hi, Mommy.”

Two days ago, she came on over to me, hugged my legs, and said something that sounded remarkably like “I love you, Mommy.” Mark and I laughed at how much it sounded like “I love you,” whatever it was that she was trying to say.

Then, a couple hours later, she did it again to me. That really sounded like “I love you.” Then, she turned and did it to Mark as well. Oh yeah, that was definitely “I love you.” No question.

We have gotten lots of spontaneous greetings. But, we have entered a new era of spontaneous “I love you”s. And, I’m pretty excited about that.

And, I was the first to receive it, you know, the one she took a bit longer to attach to.

She loves me. (insert sigh of joy here)

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Bright Ocean

Vacation. Sweet days of sunshine, swimming, a 6 lb. bag of gummi bears, and melting ice cream. And, reading and resting and reflection. 
Today, I stood at the waves edge, holding Lydia’s hand as she giggled and jumped over the surf. And, I thought of Jenna‘s Cooper. 
I have a fascination with names. All of our children have names rich with meaning that we share with them at every opportunity. In just two words (Evan Miles, Ashlyn Kate, Andrew Micah, and Lydia Mei), their names capture how God was speaking to us in that season and our desires for them. 
At this time last year, I emailed my friend Helen who partners with me in Jiayin Designs and learned the meaning of Cooper’s name for the first time–Bright Ocean. This baby boy, born with a very serious heart condition, clung to life in an orphanage in Urumchi in XinJiang province, a city known for being the very furthest from any ocean in a remote area in the very north west of China, likely named by someone who had never seen an ocean and probably never would. 
Bright Ocean. 
As I stood next to that water today, I thought of him. Perhaps he was named that because they idealized the ocean and wanted to name him something full of promise. Perhaps he was named that because they wished he’d one day travel across an ocean to a future. Perhaps he was named that because God knew that it would speak directly to Jenna and confirm to her just when she needed it that he was indeed their son. Regardless, every summer, when I stand on the edge of the bright ocean with my family, I will think of Cooper and be reminded of God’s sovereignty in every detail and of His promises sometimes spoken very simply in quiet ways but are no less powerful than the mighty waves of the bright ocean.

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Nearly 1/2 Way

I don’t even have to look at the calendar. This week, I have had the feeling I seem to get every year. Not exactly mommy guilt, just sort of a sinking sigh of a feeling.

The kind of feeling that makes me ask myself if I am doing enough, have I spent enough time one-on-one with each child, am I laughing enough with them, playing enough games, being the hands-on mom I want to be.

The first weeks of summer seem to be a let-down time for me–no more early mornings racing out the door, no rushing to do drop-offs and pick-ups, no laboring through homework in the evenings, no going through backpacks and reading lots of what seem like the same papers, and making lunches….and on and on. The first weeks of summer mean sleeping in and wearing pajamas well into the day. 

But, laid back days quickly become days of a lot more wii and computer time. And, then I start to feel like the days are just being lost. And, instead of enjoying the kids everyday, I find myself more often playing the role of referee and starting to feel irritated by the even-larger-than-normal piles of laundry that I can’t keep up with and the sink that is never empty of dirty dishes.

So, here I am with my internal body clock telling me we’re about 1/2 way through summer. And, it’s time to get a few things straight.

I’m going to say no less and yes more. I’m going to stop moving and just sit. I’m going to close up the laptop and do one thing at a time. I’m going to wake up earlier and just have quiet awake time. I’m not going to consider Bible study a school year thing. I’m going to be the fun parent too.

I still have work that needs to be done. I still need computer time and kitchen time and laundry time. Can’t let those things go. But, when I have the chance to be present with my kids, I’m going to be present.
I’m going to laugh at Drew’s air guitar and enjoy Evan’s freedom from things that have bound him in the past. I’m going to wrestle Lydia on the floor and skype Ashlyn from the other room, just because she wants to.
And, I’m not going to feel guilty at the end of this summer. I’m not going to be anxious about if I did enough, if I made enough lasting memories with the kids, if I used the time wisely. I’m just not. We don’t have to do something everyday to make a memory.

Here’s to the rest of the summer.

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