Kelly the Overthinker, Author at My Overthinking

To the foster father of Z—- Chun Min

12.22.16

I know you as the orphanage driver. When our teams arrive to serve there, it is you who they meet first. It is your smile and hearty head nods that put them at ease. It is your offer to take their heavy bags and have a rest that lets them know they are welcome before they ever arrive at the orphanage gate. And, when they do, it is you who has safely brought them there.

You serve a very important role everyday. Everyday, you drive, taking leaders to meetings and taking nannies to trainings. You also take children to school as a parent would, scurrying to make sure they are on time and nudging them along when they are dragging their feet. Of all the streets you drive everyday, I know there’s one route you know very well–the drive to Xi’an. Many Sunday mornings, you drive an seemingly ordinary way for extraordinary purposes as you drive a child to meet his or her mommy and daddy for the very first time. I wish I could sit down with you over a cup of milk tea and ask you lots of questions and listen to your stories. I’m sure you have so many to tell.

I also know there’s one story that you’d tell me first and come back to over and over again. I know because it was on one of those drives to the orphanage one morning when I learned that you hadn’t always been the orphanage driver. You had been a Baba.

I saw you hand a photo album to our translator. And, I heard her Chinese “ahh”s as she flipped through it and then read some English words silently and told you something in Chinese. I saw you wipe your eyes as you smiled in response. I’m sure you had heard those words translated before. But, you clearly wanted to hear them again, the words she had put in the photo album she gave you a few years ago when she visited China as a girl: “Thank you for taking care of me when I was a baby and treating me like your own daughter. Love, Erin R—– (Z—- Chun Min).”

It was years ago, more than 10…maybe 12, that you said goodbye to a child you loved. She was still a baby when she left, just over a year old, you told me. And, for that year, she had been yours. In fact, you told me you had nearly held her in your arms for an entire year, you and your wife never letting her feet touch the ground. Your face lit up when you talked about her and as you showed me pictures you had of her on your phone, pictures of pictures I’m sure hang on your walls at home. You waited with bated breath when you asked me if I knew her.

From the way you talked about her, I wish I did because she sounds like she was an amazing little girl who is now a young lady somewhere. I know you want me to find her family so you can talk to her again. And, maybe, just maybe, I will. But, if I cannot, I want to make sure you hear a few words from me.

I’m not Chun Min’s mama; but, I am a mama to a little girl who was also nurtured by others until she was my little girl. I often think of those who bathed her and bounced her when she was fussy. I think of those who smiled when she cooed and tried their best to give her all she needed while doing the same for more than 20 other babies in her room. I think of those who propped her up on a pillow and took her picture for a file of papers that would be sent to Beijing so she could leave with a family. And, I think of the man who shopped for a pretty little going away outfit for her when the time was right and of the woman who tied all the strings on it that morning as they got into the orphanage van to drive on the same roads you drive now to meet us for the first time. Oh, if I could gather all those people in one place at one time, I’d show them pictures after pictures of our little girl and tell them that all they did for her everyday mattered. I’d tell them that what they do everyday for every child matters.

I know it is hard to not know where she is and what she is like and if she remembers you. I know you wonder if her family would ever welcome you in just to share a meal. I hope they would. But, I don’t know that. It can be hard for some parents and for some children to bring all the parts of their stories together. And, having a relationship with you, even from the other side of the world, might not be what is best for her and for them right now. But, I want you to know that what you did for her mattered, how you loved her well for that first year of her life truly mattered. You have played a part in her becoming the young lady she is now even if she doesn’t remember you the way you remember her.

When saying goodbye to her broke your heart, you decided not to foster a child again. That makes sense to me. But, even now, you have opportunities everyday to love children who are not your own well. Press on in that and know that every smile, every head nod, every “have a good day at school,” every quiet or not so quiet drive to and from a hospital, and every goodbye is an opportunity to do something that matters and changes the world as you show a child that he or she matters and can change the world.

Overthinking Christmas Gifts {the story behind the gifts under our tree}

12.15.16

From the very start of our parenting careers when we had a 9-month old celebrating his first Christmas with us, we’ve done Christmas gifting a bit atypically than most. And, pretty much every year since, we’ve been asked to share it. There was no blogosphere back in the olden days of 2002; we shared about it…well…with words…like aloud. But, since the whole blogging thing became a thing and then Pinterest and all those other platforms on the world wide Interweb, I’ve been sharing about our tradition in real words and virtual words. I don’t want to try to convince you that you need to do it too. No need for that. But, maybe part of it will resonate with you and you can put your own spin on it to do Christmas a bit atypically too.

xmas-tree-2016-1-2 It all started because we wanted gifts to really mean something. All gifts do really. We know that. They are a way to bless and show people they matter. But, we wanted something more than what gift giving could become. We wanted gift giving to be an opportunity for shepherding our children. And, so, we decided we would give them 3 gifts. That’s it. 3 gifts. From us. Not from Santa. From Mom and Dad. And, these three gifts symbolize those of the wise men. Each year, before we open gifts, we read the Christmas story, emphasizing the wise men who sought out Jesus, the incarnate God, sharing the significance of each individual gift they brought to baby Jesus before they open their three gifts.

The wise men brought Jesus myrrh.
Myrrh was a valuable gift of practical use—it was used medicinally for all sorts of ailments from coughs to open wounds. It was a good gift to bring a mother of a new baby. It was something she could use to care for her baby well. And, it demonstrated the gift giver’s concern and hope that the baby would be healthy and have every one of his needs met. It was also used for something else though; it was used for embalming and anointing the dead. And, so, it was a prophetic gift, meaning that it showed people something that was to come in the future, already setting up the Gospel story from the beginning. God’s son would have to die.

Our children’s first gift is a practical gift, something they can use, that meets a need they have—a piece of clothing, some sheets for their bed, a bike helmet, something like that. Sometimes they get excited about this one; sometimes they aren’t as excited. But, we make sure they know that we are giving it to show them our love for them and our hope that they will be cared for well and that all their needs will be met.

The wise men brought Jesus frankincense.
Frankincense is the purest form of incense and was used in worship. When burned, its white smoke and sweet smell would symbolize prayers going up to heaven. It creates a meaningful experience for the one who uses it as well as everyone else around. Like the first gift, it’s also symbolic and prophetic. Jesus is little like Frankincense. He is fully God, Emmanuel, God with us, and the only way to heaven. Because of Him, we can have a relationship with God and talk to him in prayer directly.

Our children’s second gift, likewise, is an experiential gift, something not tangible but something meaningful to us as a family—tickets to some sort of show or a special movie (ahem…Star Wars perhaps), a night out at the ball park, something like that. One year, we gave our horse-loving toddler a “pony ride” which simply involved a trip to Aunt Charlotte’s house where she got to ride her horse in a circle. She loved it. This gift may or may not cost a whole lot (it even could be free), but the value of it is precious. Typically, I make up some sort of graphic on the computer that is like a gift certificate for whatever their specific experience gift is and give it to them in an envelope along with a business card, ticket, or brochure for the event if there is something like that. These are the gifts our children remember year to year and often cost us the least.

The wise men brought Jesus gold.
Gold was as valuable then as it is now. It was a precious and sacrificial gift on the part of the wise men who gave it. Some say this gold paid for the holy family’s trip to Egypt that they took right away to protect Jesus’ life. Just like the other gifts, it was also a very symbolic gift in that gold was a gift given to princes when they were born. And, that is what Jesus is—royalty, a King in the line of David, King of the world, King of the whole universe, and King of our hearts. When we become a follower of Jesus, we are adopted into God’s family and we too become princes and princesses, heirs to the throne. We don’t deserve it; no matter how good we are, we won’t ever be good enough to deserve it. But, because of Jesus, God sees us like He sees His own Son. He sees us as His children. And, we become more and more like Him.

Our children’s third and last gift is a gold gift, something they really really want (or we think they’d really want). Sometimes these gifts are a little more costly—like a sweet new scooter or a bow and arrow set complete with a quiver. And, sometimes, they really aren’t costly at all, but just something we know they really want, something that is like gold to them (three years ago, the boys’ gold gifts came from Craigslist and cost a grand total of $25 put together—secondhand pet box turtles). It’s the gift that it’s logical or maybe makes sense. It’s the gift that we just want to give to them because we love them and want to bless them. And, we tell them so before we give them.

Of course, they have grandparents and aunts and uncles, all of whom do a good job of blessing our children with little packages of varied material value. And, we encourage them to choose small gifts for each other that they pay for with their own money which is a great opportunity for shepherding in and of itself. This year, our children sold a few things they no longer needed and did chores to make the money they needed to buy specific gifts they wanted to give each other. So, yes, they do actually get more than 3 gifts on Christmas. Deprived they are not. But, even if they didn’t, we’d do what we do with 3 gifts only because we have experienced the blessing it is to all of us–each one of them individually, us as their parents, and the unity of the family.

Ideas for what to give a person traveling the world in 2017…okay, who am I kidding…a person traveling to China

12.2.16

While Mark is currently packing his bags for a China trip next week, I’m busy prepping a team of 14 to leave for a trip January 6th. And, since all this China travel happens to sandwich this glorious season of Christmas, I’ve decided to make a few little suggestions of things that may be perfect additions to put under the tree for someone who is heading to China in 2017.

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Mark got me a set of packing cubes for my birthday one year right before a trip to China. After using them once, I honestly can’t imagine traveling without them. They aren’t much money and work so well for organizing my packing as well as allowing them to pack way more than I think will fit in my luggage which is always important. This blue set may or may not be under our tree this year.
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A luggage scale is a must have because that 50 lb. limit comes fast and the 44 lb. limit for a domestic flight in China comes even faster. At least one luggage scale for someone on a team of travelers is essential for packing and repacking in China. Here are two of our favorites–this one from EatSmart or this one from Balanzza.

I love Timbuk2 bags in general. I have several. And, this Q laptop backpack (in a funky martini olive color) is my favorite China carry-on bag. I use it on the flight, and I use it at the pearl market, and I use it daily at the orphanage. All that several times over, and it still looks essentially brand new.

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China travelers need a passport holder, preferably one that can hold an envelope of crisp, brand-new-looking $100 bills without them having to be folded. This one from Ideawin for cards, passport, pen, travel documents, and even phone is awesome. I don’t have this one myself, but I really like that it zips shut, has the wristlet thing, and comes in some pretty fun colors.

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Yes, these tags are obnoxiously bright. But, that’s the point. Baggage claim is way easier with a couple obnoxiously bright luggage tags. These colors and the grippy texture are perfect.
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When traveling to China, you really only need a plug adapter (not an electric converter) for your computer, phone, iPad, and camera charger. They can handle the voltage and just need the right type of plug. Trust me when I say travelers shouldn’t bother with bringing a hair dryer and/or flat iron to use with a converter. It’ll probably be destroyed within a day or two because the voltage is just too much (and you don’t want to burn your hotel down or anything).

I know this TRTL travel pillow is kind of odd. But, what travel pillow doesn’t look a bit odd? And, when you are on a flight for 13 odd hours, odd is just fine. Whatever works. And, this one does. I should be getting freebies from this company for how many I’ve promoted and sold. I like that it is cozy and that it isn’t some big fluffy thing that I wear around the airport or have to tie onto my bag that gets filthy.

I have a pair of Yaktrax cabin socks I always put in my carryon for when I want to get a bit more comfortable on that forever long flight. They are thick and cozy and have lots of color options.

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Always a welcome stocking stuffer. A Starbucks gift card is great for the airport before departing and when you only have one more flight to go before home. That decaf caramel macchiato or green tea latte just tastes even sweeter then.
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Bathrooms in China often have sinks but no soap. This mini container has teeny tissue-like sheets of soap that are perfect for such situations when using hand sanitizer just isn’t what you want.

This is also a handy stocking stuffer for the China traveler–travel sized, concentrated laundry soap. Then you can wash clothes to rewear what you need to and spot clean the spots you get from eating with chopsticks.
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I love clever travel solutions. Every China traveler needs something to bring order to plug adapters, iPad chargers, phone charges, headphones, etc. There are lots of them out there. But, this one from Bagsmart looks like a good one to me because I like bold colors so you can spot it easily in the depth of your suitcase or carryon.
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A toiletry bag is essential, and I prefer hanging ones to keep them from sitting in icky water on a bathroom counter. Grab this inexpensive one from NeatPack in a fun color.

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Sometimes you just get tired of drinking bottled water and room temperature Coke. Having a couple of these Crystal Light liquid things in your bag for such occasions makes staying hydrated a bit more tolerable.

Melatonin is your friend. And, it will make a good stocking stuffer that someone thanks you for later.

Amylee Weeks is a talented designer. This journal is one of her designs, and I love it for a travel journal. Check out what the inside pages look like. They are inspiring but leave plenty of room for thoughts and doodles as you go and go deeper.

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Screen Shot 2015-03-14 at 7.21.57 PM Okay, so these are super expensive. I know. And, likely nobody’s buying these noise-canceling headphones as a gift since they have a high price tag. But, I had to share them because we were able to get a pair using frequent flyer miles that were expiring, and they are LIFE CHANGING. Seriously. If you have $250 to spare, get these. You’re welcome.
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Please don’t buy this for your China trip. It’s a post-China trip need. Every hotel room has an electric kettle to heat and clean water (no tea needed, just hot water). And, after China, you’re going to want one of your own. We have this one by Oster in our kitchen, and the blue light is so nice in the wee hours of the morning.
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My favorite gift when we were getting ready to go get our daughter was given to me from my mom–a custom silver charm with our daughter’s Chinese name. I so loved wearing it while I waited and then eventually while we traveled. One of my favorite memories is of the orphanage nanny noticing the charm and touching it as she said goodbye to our daughter. That gift actually led to me helping our friend Helen whose family lived with us a year or so ago to start a business called Jiayin Designs to help provide for their family. You do have to think ahead to give the gift of this charm–they take anywhere from 4-6 weeks to arrive. But, they are really great to wear as you prepare to travel to China, in China for whatever message you want to send, and after China to remember it all.
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Another gift idea I’d suggest would be books about China travel, culture, adoption….

Check these out:

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When you don’t know how to pray

11.29.16

Our Father in heaven, your name is holy.

You are a good Father. Reveal yourself in deep and simple ways to those who wait.
Let them experience you, the only perfect and ever present Father.

Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.

It’s hard to see your Kingdom when things aren’t the way you designed them to be.
Set the world right.

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Give us all this day our daily bread.

You are a generous giver and provider. Act in line with who we know you are.

Multiply the loaves and fish and bottles of milk. And, multiply the hands and the willingness of the hearts behind those hands to provide what each child needs. As they do that over and over again, multiply the connection between each child and each caregiver so that providing daily bread means a lot more than simply daily bread.

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Forgive us for how we have fallen short. Help us to forgive others for falling short.

We confess that we focus more on how we are different than how we are alike. Change that.
Fill me with understanding and compassion instead of judgment.
Help us to see ourselves more as one community–birth parents, caregivers, foster parents, advocates, and adoptive parents.

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Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us.

Guard my heart and teach me to do the same.
Guard the hearts of the children who wait and the caregivers in charge of them.

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Yours is the Kingdom.

We know you are the One ultimately in charge.
You’re the director of all the orphanages known to us and unknown to us.
You’re the director of the CCCWA.
It’s all yours.

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Yours is the power and the glory forever.

Show your power even in the most broken places.
And, when you do, help all of us see and experience your power and glorify you.

Amen.

Amen.

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To the foster father of Z—- Chun Min

Overthinking Christmas Gifts {the story behind the gifts under our tree}

Ideas for what to give a person traveling the world in 2017…okay, who am I kidding…a person traveling to China

When you don’t know how to pray

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She’s come a long way

Gift ideas for a happy-China-traveler-to-be

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