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My Overthinking

Philly Area mom, Life forever changed by adoption

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I don’t want to go {and other things that go through my mind when I’m leaving for China in 3 hours}

1.5.17

I’ve been looking at a bag packed full of supplies for a few days now. The top layer keeps changing as I’ve added new things when I’ve had another idea or the mailman or a friend drops off just one more thing. You’d think that the Mary Poppins bag in my dining room would have prepared me for this moment right now.

But, here I am. As I am every.single.time.I.go. feeling frazzled and anxious, wondering if I have everything I wanted to bring, overthinking if I brought the right gifts, feeling jet lagged before I ever even leave for the airport.

Every trip we go on, I act as the wise sage to the team: “Don’t be surprised when you have butterflies in your stomach right before we leave and you find yourself wondering why the heck you signed up for this and that it would just be a lot easier if you stayed home.” Yet, every trip we go on, I find myself right about there at right about now. And, I’m kind of surprised. There. I admit it.

I look at this 52 lb. bag of good things, and there is definitely a spark in me that knows that those good things are going to help create even better things. And, that thrills my heart a bit. But, there’s also part of me that remembers an inbox full of emails and Drew’s 5th grade ski trip after school tomorrow and the little girl asleep on my bedroom floor after a long day of a stomach bug. And, I hear myself thinking, “I don’t want to go. Can’t someone else do this?…the plane ride is so long…there’s so much going on…maybe there’s someone better suited for this…”

That’s where I am right now. 3 hours before we leave for the airport. And, in this place, I’m just going to finish turning my thoughts into words on a screen, and I’m going to zip up my suitcase (my non-Mary Poppins second suitcase where you will be glad to know I did actually pack clothing for myself), and I’m going to get ready to take a little nap right next to my little girl until it’s time to go. And, then we’re going to go. Mark, Ashlyn, and I are going to go. Because we’ve been called to go. And, because that little girl asleep on my floor has a mama to stroke her head and tell her how sorry she is that her tummy is “a lot a bit yucky” and because there are little girls her age right now who need that.

Yup. We’re going to go. We’re going to pour ourselves out and serve for a week aside 11 other people who may be feeling a lot of the same things tonight and who are also going to rally. And, then after that, the three of us are going to Shanghai where we will pour ourselves out for another week in a different way, encouraging and caring for the 24 men and women teachers we have the honor of supporting.

Only 3 more hours to go.

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Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: China

My response to his 5th grade teacher

1.4.17

She may not have realized when she sent home a letter like this with questions like this that she was sending it to a mama who overthinks everything.

_________________________________________________

I have literally thousands of pictures of Drew. This one is one of my favorites, taken just last summer simply using my phone discretely. The picture itself is nothing special; in fact, it’s really not that good. But, I experienced the moment it captured and know how it stands like a window into Drew’s heart.

Andrew Micah.

Andrew was the first called, the first disciple Jesus called by name. As our third child, we wanted him to know he was valued, called by name, known. Even as we were expecting his arrival, we prayed Micah 6:8 for him, that he would seek justice, love mercy, and humbly walk with God.

We love his heart, the mercy and compassion captured in this picture, the passion he has to see broken things made right, the unfair made fair, and his developing understanding of who he is and how he fits into a larger picture. That’s not an easy process; we see him struggling, easily injured and often hearing the wrong message that he’s not important, not valuable. We want to help him wrestle with all that in all contexts—in our family, as he considers his own physical frame, as he processes every part of school social and academic. His sensitive heart may get injured easily as he wrestles, but it also responds to nurturing easily. So, we work hard to give him what works to build him up, speaking affirming words and giving him lots of physical affection. As he matures and becomes more secure, he will likely need less of that. But, for now, we’re happy to give him what he needs, believing that the encouragement to his heart is infinitely more important than anything else and actually will be what makes all that anything else effective. With that encouragement, he’s better able to learn hard math facts and history lessons, better able to physically do what he thinks he can’t do, more willing to work as part of a team even when it’s hard.

Our desire is that his teachers would trust us and see us as willing able to be what he most needs and then to partner with us to reinforce how we are building him up to be the man God wants him to be and to give him the anything else so we can be freed up to pour into his heart.

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Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: why can't they just stay little forever, words about faith

the amazing grace in Silent Night

12.26.16

Everything was set. Together, the team had planned exactly what they were going to do and were excited about it. Surely, this would be their best team effort ever. They arrived to the village where they would be serving on December 23rd. But, there was a problem, a big problem. The St. Nicholas’ church organ wasn’t working and would not be repaired before Christmas. What would they do now? They needed the organ. Their entire plan rested on the music of that organ. Had someone told them about the broken organ as the team planned for this trip, they could have prepared. They could have brought other instruments or changed the plans somehow. Maybe they would have gone somewhere else entirely to a different church that would have the organ they needed. But, they were here now with no time to change the plan. Christmas was only two days away. They had to press on. They’d still offer the programs they had planned as close to the original plans as possible; but it would all take place in someone’s home instead. It wasn’t what they wanted, but it would have to work. Those who came enjoyed it; those who pulled it off shrugged their shoulders and struggled. It wasn’t all they had wanted to be. They trusted that God would redeem what seemed mediocre.

Josef Mohr was struggling too. He was one of the pastors at the organ-less church. He had so wanted to give those he shepherded more this Christmas. But, he just felt the church didn’t have enough; he wasn’t enough. Inviting this foreign team to come was his last effort to give his church something more. What they arrived and saw there was no organ, he was sure that this would be another failure. But, they rallied. They somehow pulled together and changed the plan and gave his church something remarkable after all. He didn’t see it as mediocre at all.

Josef remembered something he himself had planned years earlier. It was just a simple poem he had written in a moment of inspiration. He had never done anything more with it. But, if that team can do something beautiful in the face of a broken organ, maybe he could too. He dug out that old poem and took it to Franz Xaver Gruber who had been the church organist when they had had an organ that worked. He told him about the foreign team and his desire to be like them and redeem setbacks for good.

A few hours later, Josef and Franz welcomed people into the organ-less church where Franz stood in front of the pews facing the people instead of sitting with his back to them at an organ. He played a tune on his guitar that he had just created and sang the words Josef had written.

Silent night, holy night!
All is calm, all is bright.
Round yon Virgin, Mother and Child.
Holy infant so tender and mild,
Sleep in heavenly peace,
Sleep in heavenly peace.

Silent night, holy night!
Shepherds quake at the sight.
Glories stream from heaven afar
Heavenly hosts sing Alleluia,
Christ the Savior is born!
Christ the Savior is born.

Silent night, holy night!
Son of God love’s pure light.
Radiant beams from Thy holy face
With dawn of redeeming grace,
Jesus Lord, at Thy birth
Jesus Lord, at Thy birth.

200 years after Franz sang those lyrics for the first time for his tiny little church in a tiny little village in Austria, we’re still singing them here in our own living room with my son Drew who is just learning to strum and in classrooms in China as teachers explain to students how Americans celebrate our most important holiday of the year.

A broken organ. A leader who felt unable. A man who couldn’t do what he was hired to do. A team of people who felt called to a little place no one else really wanted to go, doubted that calling when they discovered what looked like a major setback, but rallied to be obedient within the context they were given. A series of events that looked like challenges that could ruin something good that instead were opportunities that led to one of the most beautiful creative expressions celebrating what God did for His people through Christmas.

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Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: China, Traditions

Art for Ayis

12.22.16

I had an idea.

I was up early this morning, making a list and checking it twice. But, this list wasn’t a Christmas list; it was the list of gifts we are taking to China when we leave on January 6th. Mark’s been home from China for four days, and I’m already packing our bags to go again. We’re heading to South China on this trip, to an orphanage in Guangdong province that has never had a team there before.

It’s considered a small orphanage with about 150 children in their care. And, while they are not new to adoption, they haven’t placed many kids until now. But, they’re partners with a good agency now and are on board with making children paper ready, even kids they thought were too old or too sick or too something. And, we get to go in and encourage them in what they are doing.

As I was counting out the gifts for ayis and the ladies who work in the office and the directors and the foster moms, I had an idea. Wouldn’t it be neat to give them something from a child adopted from China that just blesses them? Something that sends the message that children adopted from China are okay and that what they do to serve those kids now matters…wouldn’t that be great?

I’ve come to discover that good ideas don’t always come at convenient times. And, today is hardly a convenient day as mamas everywhere are scurrying around to Target for stocking stuffers and making cookies for class parties and using up all their Scotch tape wrapping boxes. But, some things are worth some inconvenience. This might be one of those things.

Here’s what I need:
a piece of artwork on card stock, an index card, or watercolor paper no larger than 5″x8″
a printed photo of the artist with his or her name written on the back, the year he or she was adopted and from where (e.g., “Sam Smith, adopted from Guangzhou in 2010”)

Mail no later than December 31st for an arrival of no later than January 4th to:
The Sparrow Fund
124 3rd Ave
Phoenixville PA 19460

Questions? Email me. Help us bless these people and magnify the good.

No related posts.

Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: Orphans, The Sparrow Fund

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