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My Overthinking

Philly Area mom, Life forever changed by adoption

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Why I Do It

2.6.12

Every Sunday, after church, we eat a quick lunch and out we go. I leave loads of laundry to be folded, dirty dishes in the sink, and a husband I’d love to sit and talk to on a lazy Sunday afternoon. And, I take Ashlyn to Chinese school at MLCCC.

I sit behind her for 2 hours and listen to words I do not understand and then walk her down the hall to watch for another hour as she giggles along with 8 dark-haired beauties her age as they learn fan dancing and other Chinese traditional dances.

So, why do I do it week in and week out?

She wanted to.

We waited to bring our daughter home for a long time (3 years to be exact). During that time, Ashlyn fell in love with all things Chinese. Soon after we were home with her new sister, Ashlyn (age 6 at the time), asked me if she could learn Chinese.

Know what I said?

“I don’t think so.” (I know, mother of the year) I knew it would be hard. I thought it would be expensive. I knew it would mean a big commitment–frankly, a commitment for me that I didn’t want to make.

But, she didn’t let up.

“You know, you might be the only one there who isn’t Chinese.”

Didn’t matter. She wanted to do it. So, eventually, I caved. And, our Sundays changed.

And, in so doing, I found that this was where we were supposed to be. For Ashlyn. For our family.

 

When we walk through those doors every Sunday afternoon, we are reminded of a new community we now live in, one that looks different from us and speaks different from us, but one that has welcomed us in.

And, I’ve learned that as much as our Chinese daughter is now American, we’ve also all become just a little bit Chinese. And, I’m loving my Chinese-ness.


Now, I’m one of those adoptive parents who is signing her child up early for language classes. Lydia will be 3 this March. And, as soon as her afternoon nap schedule is done (no need to haste the day!), she’ll be a part of the preschool program there. Maybe she’ll learn a few words, phrases, and a song or two. But, more importantly, she’ll know too that she’s a part of this community. And, I know that her knowing that and building relationships here is way more significant for her cultural identity formation than all the festivals we could attend (like the one pictured here at Villanova University this past week), a dragon cake every year, and a library of wonderful children’s books (want proof?).

Laundry and dishes can wait. Sunday afternoons are for community.

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Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: adoption, China

Coming of Age

2.1.12

See that? Look closely. Closer. Zoom in.

Okay, fine, so you don’t have to zoom in. Whatever.

That’s grey hair. Grey hair that is particularly perky today because the appointment I had last night to cover him up like I’ve kept every 6 weeks for the last….maybe….5 years was cancelled.

I’ve had a coming of age experience. Literally.

And, no, it wasn’t about the money (though I believe Mark is very happy to cut out “covering Kelly’s grey hair” from the budget)

I’ve been overthinking my hair for the last few weeks–why I fuss about the shade, why the grey bothers me in the first place, what I’m hoping for when I color it. And, as my appointment approached, I was forced to make a decision.

And, that I did.

No color.

I’m embracing life for what it is, grey and all. And, right now, I feel pretty good about that.

Feel free to remind me of that in a few weeks if I am going through peroxide and toner withdrawal.

I can do this. Of course, I can. Yes, I can. I can.

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Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: Kelly

Adoption Links Worth Lingering On

2.1.12

Just in case you are looking for some interesting new links…consider this my version of StumbledUpon just for you…

Grab a kleenex box and sit down for 2 minutes to watch Danielle’s Story – a video from Show Hope featuring a girl who was adopted right before aging out of system that will move you.

And, since you already have your kleenex in hand, come on over to hear words from Xiaoyun, another precious girl who was adopted days before aging out of the system. She speaks unscripted about orphans and what we can do. If you don’t find yourself smiling with her and tearing up, check your pulse.

This one got my blood pumping – a news article about a 3 year old Chinese boy who is HIV+ and lives in isolation. The hardest words perhaps to read? “‘He is still immature and juvenile, and hasn’t realized that there is something different between him and other children. He thinks all children grow up the same way as him,’ said one nurse.” Praying that the American family in Xi’an who has come forward asking to foster him is allowed to do that.

After discussing adoption with a Chinese friend whose younger sister, who was adopted as an infant and is now 17, has no idea she was adopted, I found this article from November reminding me that it wasn’t that long ago that adoption was not something celebrated in the U.S. either.

This story was interesting – two girls both adopted from Indonesia learn as adults that they are twins. Now, they are talking about going back to Indonesia to search for birthparents–and the taxi driver who gave their parents the tip that there were two little girls to begin with.

One more…

As I was pausing to recognize significant days in our adoption story, I found this article on why one family never celebrates Gotcha Day or even uses those words in their home. Definitely worth the read and will get you thinking on how to celebrate it, recognize it, or do none of the above.

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Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: adoption

This is What 8 Looks Like

1.30.12

So trendy with her super cool feather hair dealie on the left there.

Big ole scraggly 8-year-old teeth with some gaping holes.

Silly smirks and faces with the typical 8-year-old, “Ma-ahm, are you done taking pictures yet?”

She was asked to come up with two things she was grateful for at Sunday School–and not just the typical God and family answers. She said she was grateful for (1) different types of people in the world and so many different cultures and countries and (2) that there were orphanages and people to take care of kids who didn’t have families and people to adopt them.

This is what 8 looks like. 
Beautiful through and through.

Happy birthday, Ashlyn, from the dragon lady.

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Posted by Kelly the Overthinker
Filed Under: why can't they just stay little forever

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I overthink everything. This blog is a prime example. Make yourself a cup of coffee and sit down for a read. Actually, make that a pot of coffee. There’s a lot of overthinking here.

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