My Overthinking

Philly Area mom, Life forever changed by adoption

Heading to Cowgirl Territory

Apparently, there are no yeehaws in Dallas. There’s big hair, painted nails, and lipstick…so I’m told…and lots of ya’lls, but no yeehaws.

Good to know.

Because we’ll be there tomorrow afternoon. And, I’m totally psyched for it.

About 70 hours of homework all around Empowered to Connect will culminate in a few days of intensive all-day training. Might sound a bit grueling, but the material is compelling and rich and so practical, and we can’t wait to get more training and be able to share it.

So, while the kiddos head to Grammy Camp for 5 days, we’ll be heading to the Lone Star State by. our. selves.

Can you tell that I’m viewing this training in a way as a second honeymoon?

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Their words, their hearts

That’s Gabby with one of her brothers. She’s been home one year. And, she is really something amazing.

Her mom blogged today about sweet Gabby’s heart, the heart of an orphan no more, a sweet daughter who knows the pain of being without a family and who aches for those who still live with that pain. 
She saw some pictures of some children still waiting on her computer, children from her own orphanage who she knew not long ago. These children will soon “age out,” meaning that they will turn 14 and no longer be eligible for adoption. 
You know how Gabby responded to that? 
She cried. 
She’s headed back to China next year and will visit the orphanage where she once lived and the children still there. And, she wants to love on them and plans to tell them about Jesus. But, she felt so very small and told her mama, “But I’m too little. No one will listen to me.” To which, my friend Branda replied that that’s not what God says (1 Tim 4:12).

That’s Christina. She lives in Texas now but was born in Wuhan, Hubei Province where she lived in a foster home with her best friend and the only sister she ever knew. That’s the little girl beside her in purple, who is about 3-3 1/2 now, who she calls “All All.” 
Everyday, Christina asks her mommy and daddy about her sister. “I sad; I want to see All All.” 
She loves her family and is loved by them beyond measure. But, she longs for the one person she could count on when all else was unpredictable. They know All All was matched with another family. But, where she lives now and who this family is remains a mystery. And, Christina’s heart is heavy in a way a  child’s heart should not feel. 

On vacation at the beach last week, I read a few books; I’m a reader. One of them was An-Ya and Her Diary, Diane Rene Christian’s (an adoptive mom of 2 girls from China) debut novel.

It’s fiction–not her daughter’s stories or any one girl’s story–yet, An-ya, a girl adopted from China at school age, completely came to life to me in a way that I wasn’t expecting. Her struggle to fit in, her anger and grief, her strained relationship with her adoptive mother and her questions about her first mother, her getting her first period and not knowing what to do, her parents clear efforts to walk her through her trauma and help her be the young girl she didn’t get to be, her memories of the children who lived with her in the orphanage in China, her desire to find the young girl with albinism she basically mothered though imperfectly when they lived together there…

Reading Diane’s words–An-ya’s diary entries–words like “I never imagined that being adopted was going to mean so much work” and words like “So you think we are lucky? You think we are lucky to not know anything about who our family was before now? How does that make us lucky?”–and beginning to grasp what may be the experience for children like Gabby and like Christina is enough to make your soul ache.

Read Gabby’s words, words that her mom is going to share regularly on her blog. Help her to know she has a voice. 

If you know folks who have adopted from China, share Christina’s picture with her precious sister and friend All All. Help her find All All and keep healing from her loss. 
Such doable ways to enter into their suffering and serve. 

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Sneak peek at what you voted for

I’ve got an obligation to the folks who clicked for us. And, you better believe I’m taking that seriously. Perhaps Dan Cruver should make a name tag up for me that says “Adoption Community Correspondent” or “Adoptive Parent Special Reporter.” I’d wear it with pride since I’m committed to sharing as much as I can with whoever wants to receive it.

Just take a sneak peek at some of what Mark and I will be receiving…

  • A challenge from Jonathan Merritt, a widely published (A Faith of Our Own: Following Jesus Beyond the Culture Wars and Green Like God: Unlocking the Divine Plan for Our Planet)
    and respected teacher and faith and culture strategist. With a passion for the synergy of faith and culture, he’s teaching on how to mobilize the next generation to care for orphans. He’s going to flesh out the stats on this generation’s heart for issues of social justice, critique this generation for often being more cause centered than Christ centered, and then help us cast a vision for mobilizing them rightly. I can’t wait to meet him and have a feeling that this break-out could be a whole conference of its own.
  • Pastor and Preacher Vermon Pierre, first generation in his family to be born in the U. S. with parents from Haiti, will share through his experience as a foster parent about transracial adoption. Recognizing that adoptive parents tend to approach transracial adoption one of two ways–we either over-emphasize race and live in turmoil, afraid we aren’t doing enough to honor our child’s ethnic heritage or we de-emphasize race and act as though it were completely unimportant now that our child is a part of our family. Pierre is going to teach on how the gospel shows us something different. As parents who celebrate our Chinese daughter’s heritage and work to do that in a way that is sensitive and appropriate to her, this one is gonna be good.
  • Lavonne Dideon, one my personal cheerleaders who had all her kiddos routing for our video entry to get us to the conference, is going to be sharing as National Director of Orphan Sunday efforts this year how we can harness Orphan Sunday in our church to grow a heart for orphan care. 
  • Chris Marlow, founder and director of Help End Local Poverty, is going to take on sharing about the pros and cons of short-term missions. As a couple committed to mission work, Mark’s looking forward to this one.
  • Adoptive and foster mom, Dennae Pierre will be challenging us on how we can teach our children to “suffer well,” without a fear of suffering. She’s going to teach on a biblical perspective of suffering and talk about practical ways to teach our children to live out their stories within the context of all that is happening throughout human redemptive history. As parents desiring to both  encourage our children to have a heart for those who are in the midst of suffering as well as walk with our child who has suffered from losses, we are looking forward to hearing how we can use the gospel at their level to help them process the pain around them. 
  • Jason Kovacs, pastor, cofounder of Together for Adoption, and Director of Ministry Development for The ABBA Fund…and father of 5 (4 through adoption), is going to speak to the men specifically in a break-out session simply entitled Men and the Fatherless. Mark’s ready to hear his challenge to man up; bring it on.
  • Meanwhile, I’ll be hearing Jon Bergeron, Director of Hope for Orphans FamilyCare, and Robin Pennington, Cofounder of Hope for Orphans and Executive Director of Sparrow’s Home Adoptions, discuss why difficulties in adoption are the norm and how early supportive intervention by the Church can make all the difference. They won’t shy away from talking about the reality of disruptions and how the Church can come alongside families who are struggling. I really want to step up to this challenge.
How’s that for a sneak peek? 

I wish I could share our special registration code with you all so you could all come with us.

Maybe you should just come.

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Complete

It’s a different year at the beach this summer. With Lydia wearing big girl pants now and the others getting older, vacations can start to feel like vacations and not simply a change of scenery.

As I sit on the beach, watching my family as I read my book under an umbrella, it struck me.

I feel complete.

I cherish each of my children with each of their unique needs as little people with sensitive hearts being shaped everyday.

I look at the 4 of them jumping in the surf with the man I vowed to love for the rest of my days, and I feel complete.

Things are good. My plate is full. I am content with where He has me, what He has put before me, how He is using me to do good works He has already planned in advance for me to do.

But, even within that fullness, there are images that aren’t far from consciousness that I can quickly conjure up.

Last night, using the marvel of modern technology, we “met” a class of 20 school aged children in China. They pushed and shoved to see us on their small screen, each battling to say the same thing, “hello. How are you? Nice to meet you.” Some covered their mouths and giggled with shyness as their teacher, a friend of my parents, explained that they had never “seen a foreigner.” We asked them a few light questions, even named a few of the students who wanted English names, trying to match American names to the sound of their beautiful Chinese names.

As I went to the bed, the images lingered in my mind of children, not these children whose parents were making sacrifices to have them learn English and have more opportunities. I thought of the children whose faces I see online who have no parents and no opportunities who long for a family, who only know the same routine day in and day out, maybe never even leave the walls of the building where they live.

Yet, I feel complete. At least for this season I do.

For now, I will do what I’m called to do.

Be a wife to my husband. A mother to four treasures. And an advocate as I’m able for the children who wait and for the families who bring them home.

For now.

Ni Hao Yall

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