My Overthinking

Philly Area mom, Life forever changed by adoption

{Parenting is} not perfect

We had the privilege last night of going to a screening of The Odd Life of Timothy Green. We had watched the trailers. We knew it was Disney and that it had some sort of adoption theme, and it just looked cute.

I’ve come to realize that the most masterful films are ones I’m still thinking about the next day. As other busy moms know, most movies are long gone by the time you are pouring milk on several cereal bowls, wiping up spills, and trying to sip on your morning coffee. 
I can’t stop thinking about this movie. 

They tried to grow their family, did everything they could. But, they are told they need to move on. Their dreams for their child, every one they can name, are literally closed up and buried. But, they somehow–call it a miracle or call it magic–somehow become parents to a little boy. Thrown into parenting the boy of their dreams. And, we watch as they second guess themselves and make choices that may not have been the best.

They are learning as they go.

“We made so many mistakes. We made mistakes fixing our mistakes,” they told an adoption social worker. And, when she asked them why then they think they’d be fit parents, they replied right away something to the effect of, “We won’t be perfect parents, but we’ll make new mistakes.”

And, that’s one of the things I keep thinking about today.

I have made so many mistakes as a parent. Some may be seemingly insignificant. Others I truly grieve. I can claim more than 10 years tenure, yet my mistakes seem to be more obvious than ever. Maybe they are more obvious because I have more kids now with whom to make mistakes. Maybe they are more obvious because the kids are getting more skilled at pointing them out. Maybe I’m simply more in tune with my humanity. Regardless, I’m riddled with imperfection and gifted at making mistakes and making mistakes fixing my mistakes.

Thank God for the hope I have. The hope of realizing the end of myself and my need for grace. The hope of vulnerably repairing mistakes and connecting more deeply with my children. The hope of opportunities my mistakes give me to be real with my kids. And, the hope of moving forward with them, not ever trying to be a perfect mom, just trying to make new mistakes.

I think I’ll still be thinking about this movie tomorrow.

Anyone want to go with me to see it again? 

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Onions may not be the only vegetable to make me cry {Giveaway}

I can do my best to try to shield my kids from the messages I hear around us. 

You know, the commercials that “work” because they breed discontentment and the “if only”s. The verbiage that it only matters that we try our best, but the obvious glory assigned to winning and being the best. Be stronger. Do more. Say different things. Wear different things. Live somewhere different. Be someone different. 
But, I can’t keep them from hearing it. But, I can speak truth to them and make sure they hear some other messages. 
We watched the new Veggie Tales movie this week–The Penniless Princess, their take on the old Shirley Temple classic, a story of riches to rags, of knowing who you really are, of sacrificial giving, of loving the least of these, of knowing the Truth and living it out even when it seems impossible, of great loss and redemption, of an earthly adoption. A story chock full of the messages I want them to hear…
“You’re never alone” 
“You’re a child of the King.” 
“In good times and bad times, He’s right by your side.” 
“Even if we look like servants on the outside, we’re princesses on the inside.” 
“Kindness is contagious; when others see our kindness, they realize how much they have to give.” 
and my favorite…
“No matter what, I am loved; so I will love, no matter what.”
And, as I sat there to watch it with them, I realized these are messages I need to hear too. 
Yup, God can speak through animated celery stalks, asparagus spears, and bunches of broccoli.
We all liked it so much around here that we want you to have your own copy. Watch it with your kids. Or, watch it alone and be fed through some organic greens. 
Just leave a comment before the end of the day Thursday with a message you’ve heard recently that was just what you needed to hear. Maybe it was from something you read online, an encouraging or challenging word from your child or a friend, the message sent just to you through a song you heard in the car…share whatever it was (and a way to contact you).
On Friday, we’ll randomly pick one of ya’ll to get your own copy of The Penniless Princess. 
Looking forward to reading some comments here.

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Dear Mr. Coulthard

We can spend $5,000 on a pedigree pet or just go to the Humane Society with $50.. You can spend $50,000 or more bringing an orphan from overseas or pay a tenth of that from a US orphanage. Either way your helping an unwanted child. Personally I think charity starts at home.

Oh, Mr. Coulthard, so many things to say, where do I start?

  1. Adoption isn’t charity. Charity is giving money to a cause that pulls on your heart strings. Adoption is growing your family. A child needs a family; your family needs a child. In this thing we call adoption, those two needs are met. So, unless you are meaning to use the word charity in it’s New Testament context meaning agape love that both glorifies and reflects the very nature of God, adoption isn’t charity. 
  2. Every single child is precious. Every child of every race from every culture from every country, children born in the United States and children born across the world. Healthy children and children born with profound special needs. The amount of money a family spends in order to finalize an adoption is not an indicator of that child’s worth. Families who spend a lot of money in order to adopt a child internationally are not doing so because those children are somehow more valuable than children in their backyard. There’s a lot more to it than that. 
  3. You seem to be trying to make an argument that people should be adopting waiting children in the U. S. rather than adopting waiting children from other parts of the world. I assume when you refer to U.S. “orphanages,” you are referring to children in either group homes or foster care. In the U.S. right now, we have about 400,000 children who fit that description. Only between 20-25% of those children are actually available for adoption. The average age of those children available for adoption is 8 years old. Adopting a waiting child from the United States isn’t so easy–and doesn’t cost $5,000, for the record.
  4. We are talking about children. Children. Please do not ever, ever, ever try to compare my child or any child to a dog or any other animal for that matter. Each one of my children–the three I birthed and the 1 who was born to another I share the title “mother” with–are human beings made in the image of God Himself. They are not pets or trophies or marketing tools. 

Anytime you want to talk more about the adventure of adoption, let me know. I know a lot of mothers to children from all over and some people who were adopted themselves who would be glad to talk to you, I’m sure, about the truth of adoption.

Any takers?

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Encouraging My Sister {East African Orphan Summit}

Since I connected with Mary over a year ago, she has shared with me many times how being a part of blessing adoptive families through The Nest has been a joy to her.

The woman who birthed 9 children and mothers an additional 7 has said that.

She has worked to unite refugee women from feuding tribes. She has pursued training and support to do this. She has taught women in need skills to provide for their families. And, she has given sacrificially to women and children around her.

But, she has expressed to me how her heart longs to care for the fatherless and how so many don’t share that heart around her.

When I learned that there was an orphan summit in the city where Mary lives, I knew we had to make sure she got there. And, today, she did. Her older sons escorted their mother to the summit and even managed to take a few pictures to send me. The pictures are grainy, but the 1,000 words are in high definition.

Looks a bit different from stateside orphan summits. I have no idea how many people were there today. But, I know the one person I wanted to be there was there and she was there with her own sons and other kindred spirits.

She emailed me when she got home:

I came back so changed and filled with peace and joy during the meeting. I felt in me the testimony and blood of the I AM. God counts on us about the orphans. It is our duty to care for the orphans. My sister Kelly, God wants us to put our faith in motion through caring for the others. We are to be caretakers. He is the bread winner. He supplies all our needs through modelling what God did through Jesus Christ. How I wish you were there.

I can’t be there with her in Nairobi right now. And, I may never be. But, my heart is full knowing that she was there today and left encouraged, full of a heart longing to serve God right where she is.

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