My Overthinking

Philly Area mom, Life forever changed by adoption

Told you so

See? 
You wanted to wear velcro shoes forever. You said you’d never be able to do it. You told me it was too hard, that your fingers just couldn’t work that way. You told me just to do it for you. 
But, look at that. 
You did it. You tied your shoe this morning for the first time. That bunny ear didn’t come loose. You rocked that tied lace. 
I confess that I do typically like to be right. Yeah, I do. But, today, I’m really really happy that I was right. I knew you could do it. I knew you could. I knew you could. 
And, now you know you can too. 

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Unprepared

I wasn’t feeling great tonight. I laid on the couch while Mark managed it all. Scrolling through my inbox, trying to catch up on emails (a task harder than keeping up with laundry) led me to this. I was unprepared. I simply clicked on the link. Mercy Mercy.

An hour and 36 minutes later, here I am.

It’s a story of two children, two biological parents, two adoptive parents. None of whom were prepared for the reality of adoption.
Subtitles kept me captive to the screen. And, what I read in word and in expression will stick with me.
“We are just like stuff floating in the water.”
Indifferent. Reserved. Ignore.
“I thought you learned something, but you haven’t”
“I have nothing more to give.”
She leaves. She leaves. She leaves.
“Let God see my tears. Let the God of the truth accept my tears.”

I know their story isn’t every story. But, it’s their story. In my opinion, it should be required viewing for Hague training as it gives an inside view of the need for ethics before adoption and the need for good preparation, counsel, and support after adoption. And, it reminds us that the child needs to come first.I wasn’t prepared for it tonight. But, I’m so glad I ended up there.

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Dear Chick-fil-a…

Dear Chick-fil-a,

It was Daddy-daughter date night tonight. My husband and my 9 year old daughter got to have dinner together complete with a string quartet in the background at our local Chick-fil-a. The tables were set beautifully, candles were lit, flowers were presented, and the food they both love was served. They reported that the restaurant was hopping with dads and little girls. We love that you support families in a very tangible way through hosting events like this to get parents to connect with their children without distraction.

There was a booklet they received tonight called Continuing the Conversation full of questions (provided by the WinShape Foundation) Dads and daughters can ask each other on date nights to get the conversation going. What a great idea! What a great tool to help give both girls and their dads ways to grow their relationship beyond the day-to-day car dropoffs and homework help. 
My husband showed this booklet to me as soon as they got home because of a specific question in it. In the first set of daughter to daddy questions, he read me this one:

Tell me about the day I was born. What was it like for you?

I know this is a fun question to ask. I’d love to hear my own father answer this one. But, to be sensitive to families like ours and like a few my family met tonight at your restaurant who have children who joined their family via adoption, I think this question should have been worded differently.

Tell me about the day I joined the family. What was it like for you?

or

Tell me about the day you first met me. What was it like for you?

These questions would encourage the same conversation but in a way that honors families built a little differently, families who may not know anything about the day their child was born.

We love who you are and what you do. Sometimes, it only takes a little change to do it even better.

Sincerely,

Kelly

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Once upon a time

Once upon a time, I spent most of my day managing a little man who struggled with a lot of things. I worried. I tried hard to make things easier for him and often felt I wasn’t able. I cried. a lot. Evaluations and IEP meetings ended in at least one of us crying. I wondered what life would be like years later–like in 2013.

And, here we are.

We tried soccer. No, I tried soccer–an attempt that ended in us dragging the boy to a field where he’d hover on the side lines and cry, begging to go home. He finally announced to his super attuned parents, “I don’t like team sports!” And, that was it.

I never would have guessed that his niche would be on the stage. I should have. I should have guessed when as a preschooler, he’d interact with people as long as he had a costume on. But, I never thought that the boy who still can’t remember his own phone number would be able to memorize lines and stand in front of an auditorium full of strangers and come alive as a character. And, I mean come alive.

He loves it. He loved the practices. He loved the set building. He loved the backstage prep. My boy with sensory issues abounding even loved the makeup and costume with a collared shirt no less.

Once upon a time, this mama doubted and feared and made assumptions about a little boy based on my own experience and expectations.

That mama has been learning a thing or two lately.

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