My Overthinking

Philly Area mom, Life forever changed by adoption

Archives for October 2018

A letter to my friend on her adoption eve

Hi A.J.,
It’s Kelly Ayi. I have been thinking about you a lot lately. I remember the first time I met you. It was two years ago when I visited the welfare house for the first time and was waiting outside to see M.Y. get back from school. You were with him wearing your school uniform shirt and smiling big. I thought, “that little girl is so cute.” When I came back with Mark and Ashlyn and my friends in January, I got to know you a little bit better. I liked watching you do relay races in the park and dance. You still smiled big and your laugh was so cute. I said to my friends, “that little girl is delightful.” When I came back once more, one year ago, you and I spent a lot of time together. You taught me Chinese words and played my ukulele. You helped the younger kids. You painted a picture for me with both of our names on it. I framed the picture, and it hangs on the wall in my office. Your smile was bigger than I remembered. I came home and said, “that little girl is the best. My friend A.J. will be a wonderful daughter.”

Tomorrow is a big day. You are meeting your mom and dad. You will become their daughter. Some kids might feel all mixed up getting ready for that day. They might feel really happy because they have wanted a family for so long. They have watched other children leave before. Now it is finally their turn to get a family! But, they also might feel sad to leave China and their friends. They might feel scared because they do not know what living in this family and in America will be like. I wonder if you have some mixed-up feelings too. It would be okay if you did.

I have told your new parents a lot about you. I told them you are cute and delightful and will be a wonderful daughter. I have also told them that you might have big feelings, some happy and some not happy. They understand. Whatever you feel, they want to be with you. There is nothing you can feel or do that will make them not like you or not want to be your family.

I am far away now on the other side of the earth. But, I am waiting patiently until I get a message and see pictures of you with your family. They are really nice. They smile big just like you. And, they will take really good care of you.

With love,
Kelly Ayi

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The day my husband quit his job {reflections 5 years later}

We got a package. Bound neatly and nicely inside were letters written by a few of the people who spent 2 years or more teaching across the world under Mark’s leadership. It’s been 5 years doing all this—equipping, leading, and sending teachers to the front lines while also caring for foster and adoptive families here in the states. Is it weird to say that these notes feel kinda like medals around our necks? It’s not like the race is over by any means. But, right now, especially given policies that have turned things upside down and some big added responsibility, it just feels good to together say we’ve made it this far and to take a moment to look back and reflect on how it started.

Just over 5 years ago, I wrote some words about that start, the day after Mark quit his job. In honor of making it this far in the race, I’m sharing those words here for you, not to get any praise and accolades but so we can all smile and give thanks for that clear calling then and for Him continuing to call.

 

He put on an ironed shirt this morning, nice slacks, belt, and shoes. He kissed me goodbye and said, “Have a good day” just like he did yesterday and everyday last week and nearly every morning for the last 15 years of our marriage.

But, today was different. There was a spring in his step and an extra spark in his kiss because today was not like yesterday or the days before. Yesterday, he quit.

When he told his boss he was leaving, his boss wanted to play the game, give him a counter offer, encourage him to stay. When Mark told him he wasn’t headed over to a competitor but leaving the financial industry entirely, I think he left him a bit dumbfounded.

Leaving the industry. The one he’s worked in for 18 years.

Mark explained the work, his role specifically, how he’s been called to it. He told him how he’s been raising support so that we could do this. We thought he’d think we were crazy. Instead, he told Mark he was jealous; Mark will be doing something his heart is full in. It’s what everyone wants deep down, above wealth, benefits, prestige and all that comes with all three of those. Everyone wants to do something they love; maybe life too often gets in the way.

Just like that, Mark left that conference room, and everything was different. We knew his days there were numbered, but we didn’t know that number until now. He had imagined what that conversation would be like, played it over in his head. Now, the imagined is simply history, a day that we’ll remember that marks when we put a stake in the ground and said, “This is where we are meant to go, and we’re going.”

He’ll end well over the next two weeks, still putting on an ironed shirt and slacks and kissing me goodbye each morning, making sure things that need to be covered are covered, putting closure on all he can. But, at the end of those two weeks, he’ll close up a cardboard box with the few personal affects that made a sterile desk and chair his workplace, and he’ll drive home one last time for us to start a whole new part of our lives, one He’s been preparing us for all along.

I think I just heard the pistol shoot for the start of the next 5 years.

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Swooning for China

It’s a whole lot of the pictures in my head catologued under the month of May for the last number of years.

Singing and laughter.
Asking questions in the classroom. Asking more questions outside the classroom.
Exciting adventures of things we have done before with people who have not, making all things all new again.
Stretching and being stretched.
So. Many. Pictures.
Arm in arm and hand in hand.
Peace signs that aren’t peace signs.
Chicken dances and hokey pokeys.
Hot milk tea.
Lots of hot milk tea.
And, opportunities for good.

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