March is full of significant days around here. Not only are 3 out of my 4 children’s birthdays in March, but March holds a lot of significant days for our Lydia which means that we spend a lot of time thinking about our family we don’t know, her birth family in China.
Becky, the woman guest posting here today, didn’t give birth to a child in China; she gave birth to a son right here. But, her account of what that day was like is one I think adoptive parents and adopted persons should know. Read on.
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I was ready to go to the hospital now. I had been having contractions five minutes apart for about 24 hours. I had taken a shower, done my hair, and my make-up. You would think by looking at me I was ready for a night out with friends. Instead I had got myself all done up to give birth. I felt that I needed to look just right. I held mom off. I told her to not take me just yet until my hair and make-up was done and legs shaved. I don’t know what I was preparing for but I wanted to look my best. When we got to the hospital, they hooked me up to two machines, one monitored the contractions and the other monitored the baby’s heartbeat. I took off my best clothes and got into a hospital gown. The doctor came in and checked on me. I was only dilated to two. Plenty of time, he said, to give birth. It would be a while yet. The contractions continued every 5 minutes. Just enough to take my breath away but not enough to stop talking through them. You see…I did not want to give birth. If I did then I knew that my baby would soon be parted from me and I did not want that. He had been my constant companion for 9 months. I did not want to be parted from him because that meant he would be parted from me forever.
The next morning, the doctor came in and said I was still at a two so they were going to start hard labor by starting a potassium drip to start contractions hard. Boy, did that work. Soon, I was screaming in pain as the contraction monitor showed contractions that would go up into a peak but never really come down. I was having contractions every minute with no space in between. The doctor came in with bad news. I was still only dilated to two. He decided to break my water. He told me this would increase everything and that the baby had to be born within 24 hours. They broke my water, and I felt a huge relief. The contractions stopped. But, then the doctor told me the water looked funny. The baby was under stress and had a stool in the liquid. I watched the heartbeat monitor go down. Something was wrong. The baby was fighting hard to be born, but my body wasn’t letting him. They were worried. I, on the other hand, felt relief because the labor had stopped.
The doctor came in again and said they had to do an emergency C-section. They shaved my tummy and hooked me up to more monitors and I was wheeled into an operating room. I could not feel anything from my neck down except for tugging. They were cutting my abdomen open to pull him out. I had a screen placed in front of my face so I could not see what they were doing. I just felt lots of tugging and pulling. Suddenly, I heard a baby cry. A doctor laughed and said, “He just peed all over me.” Honestly, my first thought was… just take him away… I can’t stand to see him, and I can’t do this. Then, I looked over at a side table. He was there wriggling violently and crying. They were washing him off, and I suddenly wanted to hold him, comfort him, and help him stop crying.
They placed him in my arms against my chest. He had very little soft blond hair and blue eyes and was crying a lot. I just stared at this creature they had just removed from my body. They took me to a recovery room. The baby was still crying, so I asked for a bottle. The nurse laughed and said, “he isn’t crying because he is hungry; he is just not used to being out in the open.” His screams assured me he was hungry, so I asked again for a bottle. The nurse finally said she would give me one but not to expect he would drink very much. Instead, he downed almost the whole bottle and was silent after that. “I guess he was hungry” was all the nurse said. They took him away to do some measurements and clean him up some more. I was given some pain medication and taken back to my room where upon I discovered the lawyers were waiting.
I signed the papers giving him up.
I was tired and just thought I was supposed to sign them. After this, I crawled into bed and fell asleep for a while….
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Becky and her birth son Carl
Becky Aske is a wife, mother, stepmother and birth mother. She currently serves as Vice-President of the nonprofit organization named Beauty Amidst the Ashes which is committed to educating people about the adoption option. Her birth son Carl is President and founder of the organization. At the age of 15, Rebecca chose to place her newborn son with a family in Iowa rather than parent. Her story of being a birth mother, along with stories from her now grown son and his parents can be found on her Facebook page. She has a BA in Ministry Leadership, an AA in Biblical Studies and a Child Development Associate Degree. She lives in Washington State with her husband, 18-year-old daughter, two step sons, a dog, and cat.