I’m not thinking this picture will win her cutest kid of the year.
Honestly, I haven’t felt like voting for her lately.
She’s been giving us the 2-year-old treatment lately complete with spitting and hitting every one of us.
Nothing cute about that.
And, so, we’ve had to start figuring out how to discipline her. You’d think parents of 4 children would know what they are doing by the time #4 needs correction. But, I am figuring this all out for the first time.
Time-outs has always been my method of choice with the other 3–isolate the child for a period of time so he/she can take a breather (as can I) and then we can talk about his/her choice and what a better choice may look like and walk through the apology and forgiveness process.
But, Lydia was adopted. And, before she was adopted, she was in an institution for a year with rotating nannies and no one caregiver that belonged to her who she could bond with. And, time-outs for a child with a traumatic infancy like Lydia’s who is learning or has just learned to connect can feel that I am, in effect, isolating her from my love not merely my physical presence. And, I certainly do not want to do that to her.
After all, I’m not about behavior modification ultimately. I am into discipling not disciplining my child, walking along with her to help her be the person God wants her to be. Part of that discipling involves correction–but the goal is not to modify behavior but help change a heart.
So, we’ve been trying a form of “time-ins” though we’re still calling it a “time-out.” We pull out a stool for her in the same place we are and ask her to stay on it. We stay within her view the whole time, so she has to take a break from the situation but not from us. Even as she cries, we tell her we will talk to her as soon as she is ready. Then, we do our best to talk her through what she did wrong and how she cannot hit or spit.
Sounds all good, right? She calms down, nods her head, gives us a hug, hugs whoever she decided to hit or spit on this time.
Then we ask, “Are you going to spit at her again?”
And, she answers, “Yes.”
{smile}
I think I need a time-out.
*giggle*
OH NO!! ;) I feel for ya. That is a tough situation. Khloe does time-outs and they work well for her, but her situation was different being at New Day. I have to say, though… I sure love Lydia’s honesty! Lets just hope she ALWAYS stays that honest… it really is a good trait to behold!!
Best of luck and keep us posted on how she is doing. I know this will be helpful info to other parents in your same shoes!
God bless! <><
~ Tanya
Ha, one of my kids said something about mom going to time-out once, & I said, “Gladly…I would love to go to time-out!”
And, by the way, that picture may actually become a favorite someday. We have one of our strong-willed child (now 20 years old) in the middle of Disney having a complete fit, so for lack of something better to do, I turned & snapped a picture. It makes us smile.now. :o)
What a bugger!!!!
OK, dumb question- do you have the Karen Katz lift-the-flap books about hitting and spitting and such (WHY are the names of the books escaping me at the moment?) They worked WONDERS with our kids. We would say back to them the lines fomr the book, “No, kicking. What can you kick?” and wait for them to give the answer from the book, “A ball”. Then we would get them a ball, and let them go to town and get it out. The phase was very short lived with my kids.
But, some of that is one-year-home stuff, I think. Really…….we’re getting some really angst-filled behavior with Cooper lately, and I think it’s a good sign in that he is comfortable enough to REALLY start pushing the limits, and of course, bad because….UGH……why do they have to act that way!!! :)
But, the picture is funny. Glad I’m not the only mom who totally takes pictures of my kids when they are hysterical. :)
Oh my! Parenting is hard work. Thanks for the warning that it doesn’t get easier the more kids you have. That’s a bummer.
Ha, ha, ha. Love it, especially because it wasn’t my kid. Yesterday, Mia told me to “shut up” when we were driving in the car. I told her that would get her an immediate time out. So then, in my rear view mirror, I see a finger being pointed at me. I ask, “What’s the finger for?” She tells me, “That’s ‘shut up’ in Chinese.” “Yep, I don’t think it is, but that’ll get you a time out just as fast,” (as I giggle under my breath.)
I will ask my two year old, “Do we write on walls/beds/tables?” She answers, thinking she’s giving me the correct answer, “Yes!” Argh.
Well at least she honest! ;-) Our 4th one (while not adopted) has thrown us some what when it comes to behavior and discipline. He’s so very stubborn and too smart for his own good. I can only imagine what it’ll be like when we get our other kiddos home….
Oh….I know it’s not supposed to be cute but really…Pretty smart kiddo. Sorry for the hard times…It will pass but isolation really does make discipline difficult…hmm…Will keep you in my prayers.
~Sis
http://adoption-thecrookedroad.blogspot.com
Oh, Lyds – two wont last forever!!
HI, I just stumbled across your blog!
We have 2 littles of our own but were training for fost-adoption when we got pregnant–so we’re just postponed for a year. In the meantime, though, we have been learning new techniques as many (even some types of time outs!) are not allowed with foster kids. With our oldest, we do time ins, where I have her sit on my lap and work out whatever her issue is. It’s not fun and I have to wait to get my few minutes away until after it’s over but it’s all that works. I whisper I love her and she needs to calm down so we can talk. It usually ends in a tearful, sincere apology. Her all around behavior has been much better since we started this. I think she needed the affirmation, but she still needs to know the behavior isn’t acceptable. It got us through her 2nd year and I’m hoping it will for her 3rd year too as we approach 3.5. God bless!
our been-home-3-weeks two year old is also giving us a run for our money. i’ve found that saying things like “oh know! you must not know how to use your hands, i’ll teach you” shocks her, lets me touch her with a purpose and re-directs her. i haven’t figured out what to do about the spitting, either, especially since her big brothers SO EGG IT ON.