a letter to my 4 year old on her birthday

adoption china special needs letter to birth familyMy sweet,

You are such a big girl now. 4 years old. Wow. You remind me all the time of what a big girl you are. And, I know I always agree with you. But, now that you’re 4 years old? You are really big.

When I put you to bed last night, I talked to you a little about your China mommy and daddy because 4 years ago, you didn’t come out of my belly, you came out of your China mommy’s belly. I wasn’t with you that day to see you see the world for the first time. Daddy didn’t get to hear your first cry. And, I’m a little sad that I missed those things. But, you know what? Your China mommy and daddy got to see you and hold you. And, even though we don’t know anything about that day, I do know what birthdays are like. And, I really think it was a special day for them when they met you for the first time. It was definitely a special day because it was the day you entered the world.

We prayed together last night for your China mommy and daddy. I think you prayed something like this: “Dear God. Thank you for my China mommy and I come out of her belly in China then I come live with mommy and daddy. And, I a big girl because it’s my birthday and I turned big and I get a flashlight and I a big girl now. Thank you for my birthday because I a big girl. Amen.”

adoption china special needs letter to birth familyI prayed something like this, “Dear God, we thank you for Lydia’s China mommy and daddy particularly today on her birthday. We thank you that they gave her life. And, even though we don’t know them right now, we know that you know them. And, we pray that you would bring them to yourself and that we could one day know them. Amen.”

When we were done praying and you were getting all snuggled in under your covers with all your renrens and flashlights around you, your big sister in the bunk above you said, “I want to meet Lydia’s China family. If we met them, I think they’d be happy and sad–happy to see her again and sad that they don’t have her anymore.” I want to make sure you know, my sweet, that I think the same thing. And, I hope one day we have the chance to meet them so that we can all be happy and sad together as a family.

You are a precious treasure. Beautiful. Smart. Full of spirit. Able to do just about anything you put your mind to. And, I’m so so blessed to be your mommy.

XOXO and lots more,

4 year old birthday cake party


  1. says

    If ever a person should wonder if joy & sorrow can co-exist, they need to look no farther than adoption. I remember clearly, like it was yesterday the day that we took our daughter from the woman who gave her life preparing to take her logistically ten hours away to a different state …& a new life. I was filled with JOY knowing that I was taking my daughter home, but filled with sorrow knowing what this meant for the woman handing her to me.

    Jen P.

  2. says

    So beautiful. As a birthmom this just made me bawl my eyes out. Love your heart for her and her family of origin.

    Happy Birthday to your precious girl.

  3. says

    As a birth mom (in an open adoption), you hit the nail on the head. I live with a constant mix of sweet and sorrow – seeing my daughter grow up happy and healthy makes me happy. But it also makes me sad to see her blossoming and not be as big a part of that blossoming as I would be if I were raising her.

    Thank you for sharing this. Thank you for sharing your heart for Lydia’s birth mom and birth dad. I hope, too, that they will be able to meet you some day and hear how much they were a part of your lives despite the fact that they live in China.

    Happy Birthday, Lydia!

  4. says

    Beautiful! Happy 4th Birthday! Love that she wore her headlamp to blow out her candles…too cute!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *